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Living in Amityville, Laura and I are frequently stopped by out-of-towners and asked “Can you take us to the Horror House?” We comply and lead them directly to our house and the three children. That is true horror. At least ghosts and phantoms only work at night and you can get … [Read more...]
I’m off, kissing the dog and tossing a treat to my husband. By eight-thirty, I park outside the hot new club, Studio Code Blue, which caters to those heavily in denial. I enter, startled. The blinding fluorescent lights ensure no tripping. In the corner is a triage unit. EXIT … [Read more...]
I'm looking at a photo of myself topless. I was 5 years old, playing the role of an Indian in my Thanksgiving Day kindergarten play, red war paint on my chest and cheeks and a paper feather painfully stuck in my head. I don't remember my part in the play but vaguely recall it not … [Read more...]
As a public service to those perplexed by Valentine's Day, I will attempt to address Frequently Asked Questions concerning deficiencies of the middle-aged man and romance. Q: What's the deal with men and lousy last-minute gifts of romance? A: For the middle-aged man under … [Read more...]
Dear Daryl and Marilyn: I would like to thank you for trusting me enough to house-sit for you while you were away. I would like to, but the attorneys advised me to say nothing until we're certain no more lawsuits will be filed. Outside of a couple minor annoyances -- really, … [Read more...]