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RING, RING: JOEL: Hello, this is Joel. The check is in the mail. KIM: Hi, Joel, this is Kim. I wanted to talk to you about our Author Showcase. JOEL: Who’s Arthur Showcase? KIM: AUTHOR! AUTHOR! JOEL: Thank you. Thank you. You must have bought my book recently. I … [Read more...]
“‘Ay Carmella, where’s the coffee?” That from Big Dom. “We ain’t got all day to wake up, ya know!” “The dining room don’t open till eight,” is the comeback from Carmella the cook, “And you do have all day. The only way you get out of this facility is in a box.” “Yer … [Read more...]
Do you walk into a store and stop two steps inside the doorway so the man behind you trips himself trying not to run into you, falls to the side on his arm snapping the radius bone which breaks through the skin and stabs him in the eye leaving him blinded and unable to … [Read more...]
First of all, I wasn't 500 years old. They totally made that up. I was maybe 75, max, which – don't get me wrong – was pretty old back then. Decrepit actually. When God chose me for this genius shipbuilding project, I should have said, “Thank you very much for the honor, Your … [Read more...]
The kids all want to go to Disneyland, but I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, it’s not like we don’t ever go anywhere fun. Don’t they remember Laundryland? “Mom, this is BORING.” “Hey, now I just paid EIGHT quarters for you to view the wash through a front loading … [Read more...]