"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
October- November 2010
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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October- November 2010 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
10 Questions For Skinny Moms
By Tina C.,
We all have seen them, most of us know some; they live in our neighborhood, come to the playgroups and of course can always be
Comfortably Dumb
By Barry Parham,
According to an unconfirmed Internet report, a man was murdered today by his own Facebook account. If true, it would be the first case in
The Enema Within
By Karla Telega,
“When was your last colonoscopy?” the doctor asked. “I didn’t exactly put a happy face on my calendar.” I replied. “Could you narrow that down
Foreign Language
By David Crawford,
January 2, 2016
I didn’t speak the language and I was nervous. Oh, I had taken some lessons and all, but I was not what you’d call fluent.
Swiss Chex
By Michael Cavallo,
It had started like any other day, as I bought a box of cheap, bootleg granola from a small store. I'm reading the box as
October- November 2010 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
OMB Floats Plan to Loan the U.S. Congress to Other Countries
By Carlos Arnade,
--American Public Says It’s OK if Borrowing Countries Default-- According to several government sources with names, the Office of Management and Budget is working with
The Department of Agriculture Offers to Pay Obese Citizens to Avoid Eating
By Carlos Arnade,
-Paying Farmers Not to Grow Crops is Not Enough-- In a desperate effort to cure the expanding obesity epidemic, the Department of Agriculture has announced
The Cellular Shootout
By Jarod Duley,
Announcer 1: ... And we’re back from that minute cell identification break. In case you are just tuning in to the microscope we are LIVE!
I Didn't Mean It, Really
By Tom Harris,
“(Former astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak) must stay away from the victim Colleen Shipman and has to write a “sincere” letter of apology to her within
Periodical Discomfort
By Tom Harris,
No one gets into the supermarket checkout line expecting an uplifting experience. Then again, except for me, no one expects to be reduced to a
Newspapers? Whatever!
By Mike McNulty,
Conversation overheard outside a comic book store: Teenager 1*: Did you hear that? Teenager 2*: What? Teenager 1*: She “whatevered” me. Teenager 2*: Who? Teenager
What To Do If You Run Into Your Ex
By Carl Megill,
I feel at this time, fellow husbands, that I should warn you about a situation that can only be defined as the most horrendous and
Global Warming: What’s the Big Deal?
By Madison Weatherwax,
Global warming and the controversial debate surrounding it have been ranked the most boring topics of all time. In fact, the only entertaining story to
October- November 2010 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
My Boyfriend, Johnny
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
My boyfriend’s back. I should’ve expected it, what with the change of seasons. Cold weather brings him into town and he appears out of necessity.
Clipp'd!
By Ethan Pulliam,
I came back into my dorm room feeling alright. My shoes were clean and the son was out. The girl I asked out didn‘t tell
Pride Goeth Before Reading Glasses
By Dorothy Rosby,
I won't mention any names, but someone I'm married to has been known to misplace his glasses occasionally. I used be smug about this. I
Announcements On the PA System
By Lloyd S,
(Music) Baby, I need your lovin’.. Baby I need your lovin’ BEEP spill on aisle 10, cleanup on 10 please! (Music) Baby, I need your
First Grade Is Anything But Elementary
By Terri Spilman,
You can only get by in life for so long making off-the-cuff and, often times, inappropriate smart-ass remarks. Sooner or later, you find yourself surrounded
How Do You Know When You‘re "In the Elderly"?
By Terri Spilman,
"Silver Alert: We have a missing housewife. She's 5'5" tall, heavier than she looks, blonde hair with grey roots. Last seen careening down a hill
Letter Of Recommendation
By Thomas Wheeler,
Harvard University Cambridge, MA 02138 Re: Letter of Recommendation Gentlemen: I am writing this letter on behalf of Jennifer B. who appeared in my court
Bag Battle
By Virginia Antonelli,
Most mornings at work, I read job-related email while chowing down a bowl of breakfast cereal soaked in skim milk. Recently, I purchased a box
Sacramento Man Complains That His Brain Has Been Turned into a Public Website
By Carlos Arnade,
Sacramento police reported that at midnight on the 26th of October a worried sounding Sacramento man called 911 to complain that spammers were attacking his
Pregnancy Bliss
By Jessica E. Bach,
Pregnancy is absolute bliss! We women began the heartwarming experience of pregnancy, vomiting at the smell of their husbands and favorite foods. Coffee is the
Why I Love to Write
By Keladria Boyt,
I love to write because it keeps me from slapping my imaginary assistant, Sally. (We’re good now. Writing heals.) When all I feel like doing
Kick the Bucket on Hallowe’en
By Malcolm Campbell,
Frank N. Stein, owner and operator of the Ghost-of-a-Chance Cemetery at 666 Deadline Road plans a Death by Chocolate Hallowe’en for kids trick-or-treating at “death’s
Golf Digest For Hacks
By Jeff Corkrean,
Hack: To cut or shape with unskillful, crude or ruthless strokes. Golf Hack Explained In golfing terms, "hack” is that guy who strolls onto the
Shelve the Shelf Elf
By Jonathan Criswell,
So they have this thing out now called a Shelf Elf, which is a toy that you place in one room of the house to
The Essay that Lets Future Essays Shine
By Pete Lopez,
My recommendation in pursuing any long-term goal is to begin unpolished. A new audience is a blank slate and sparkling right away sets such a
Read the Instructions
By Kevin OBrien,
It's a simple instrument. It's a rod of steel with what looks like stubby helicopter rotors at one end. It's used with a power drill.
October- November 2010 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Hubby's 'Mature' Interest Gives Me Hope
By Keladria Boyt,
January 2, 2016
Having passed the honeymoon phase in my marriage, and the age of forty, I was feeling a little old, a little droopy. Keeping the spark
The Next Face You See...
By Arthur Carey,
January 2, 2016
“Miss Henderson? Is that you? The light…the light is so bright I didn’t recognize you at first. Whoa! That means I’m past tense, doesn’t it?
Really, Ferris... A Museum?
By Naomi Cohen,
January 2, 2016
It is a sort of tragedy when the quasi-messiah of the teenage population makes an unforgivable decision. It wasn't Ferris Bueller's choice to lie, nor
"Sexier Than Socks On A Rooster" -- Pickup Lines Should Be Put Back Down
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
“Best pickup line yet,” Katie wrote. “He showed me his Walmart badge to introduce himself from his car and was surprised when I responded with
Taking Measure Of Kitchen Gadgets
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Flipping through a catalog of must-have kitchen gadgets, Terry had enough. “Oh, come on!” she exploded. “Why would ANYBODY need this?” She waved the catalog
Twinkies Make Dieting Delicious
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
It’s the best thing since sliced potatoes deep fried and dipped in sour cream and chives. Nutrition professor Mark Haub lost 27 pounds in two
The Magical Word Just
By Lisa Dance,
January 2, 2016
I’m always suspicious when people use the word just. It seems like such an innocent word -- not like those other kinds of four-letter words.
Carnal Knowledge
By Dianne Hardy,
January 2, 2016
My knowledge of sex began as a childhood memory in 1947, when I was four. A couple with two girls moved into our old house
Autumn Season Preview
By Pete Lopez,
January 2, 2016
Now that bathing suits and sundresses have been abandoned for long johns and mittens, I am sure everyone is anxious to get cozy with a
Are You Scribeaphobic – Afraid to Write?
By Lauren Salkin,
January 2, 2016
Some days I would rather do anything than write, which inevitably gives way to a game of self-deception. The game begins with a glance out
Take Two Anti-Psychotics and Call Me in the Morning
By Sarah Savasky,
January 2, 2016
No doctor has ever directed me to take two aspirin and call him in the morning. My doctor did prescribe two anti-psychotics, but he didn't
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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