“Miss Henderson? Is that you? The light…the light is so bright I didn’t recognize you at first. Whoa! That means I’m past tense, doesn’t it? The last thing I remember is unwinding in my hot tub and knocking back a bottle of Cabernet.
“Hey…Is this like that TV movie about the first five people you meet in Heaven? Are there four more people who… Uh…this isn’t heaven and you’re it? This is crap. What? Oh… crap stands for Celestial Reassessment Assignment Point.
“But why are you here? I read your obituary in the newspaper years ago. The picture wasn’t so hot, but they said nice things about you.
“You’re here because you have to be? Teachers are required to meet their students when they check in after checking out. It’s another downside to teaching nobody mentioned in ed school. Well, yes, I can see that it might be a drag to run thousands of unappreciative little wise asses through the same mind-deadening classes day after day; but saying you were “screwed over” seems a bit harsh.
“By the way, I think the wings are cool! Oh…bad guess? They’re really hot and heavy and the feathers drop off during molt?
“Anyway, it’s nice to see you again. You changed my life. Really! After I went to college, I became a newspaper reporter and then a free-lance writer. I just finished a piece for an e-zine humor anthology. E-zine? An e-zine is an Internet publication. Internet? Wow, you have been out of touch, haven’t you? It’s…never mind. Trying to explain the Internet is like trying to explain electricity.
“Is that a sneer? I didn’t know angels sneered.
“I’m sorry if writing pulp fiction isn’t what you had in mind when you lavished all that time and attention on me. I’m not exactly choked up about my life, either. I’m a big disappointment to you? Maybe if you had picked up your game a little, teaching-wise, I might have accomplished more. Ever think about that?
“Well, you’ve got an attitude, too, lady, and it hasn’t improved with time. I wasn’t going to mention it, but you were about as popular as Mr. Baumgartner, the weirdo math teacher with dandruff who flunked half the college track kids in calculus.
“Okay, fine, let’s not revisit the good old days. They weren’t that great anyway. The senior prom sucked big time after Stinky Stevens, the principal, went postal about finding vodka in the punch bowl. And Lois wouldn’t go out with me although she was doing the down-and-dirty with half the starters on the football team. Tell you what…why don’t you just show me wherever the hell (oops! sorry!) wherever the heck I’m supposed to go? I’m developing a headache and I don’t want it to last for eternity.