"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
June-July 2006
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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June-July 2006 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Now That's What I Call An Ugly Baby
By Wendy Sang Kelly,
There’s an alarming trend occurring in this country right now. I call it, “Surprise! Here’s your ugly baby!” Why? Because cosmetic surgery is everywhere and
The Horrorr
By Sean Ellis,
Living in Amityville, Laura and I are frequently stopped by out-of-towners and asked “Can you take us to the Horror House?” We comply and lead
Blockbuster Summer She-quels
By Audrey D. Mark,
One of the coolest things to do during the dog days of summer is to chill out at the movies. Unfortunately, so far I've found
A Mail Perspective
By Jennifer Karin,
January 2, 2016
My dearest wife, After a rather long flight, I’ve arrived safely at my hotel and have registered for the conference. As much as I’m looking
Dadhood And The Things I Wish I Knew
By Brian Thompson,
Fatherhood: Is there another profession in the world where you’re woke up at 5 in the morning with the question: “So, you want to change
June-July 2006 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Translation, Please
By E. Mitchell,
Good news for the deceitful -- if you’re a big fat liar it’s not all your fault! Let’s face it, we’re a culture based on
Talking NASCAR With Anna Kournikova
By Frank Mucci,
There is an unwritten rule in the social contract that we Americans live by that states: If you say “Hello” to someone the first time
Honest Abe
By Danielle Mutarelli,
I’m not sure at what age kids learn the fine art of flattery but it certainly isn’t three. No, I would have to say that
Little Dude, Big Ego
By Wendy Sang Kelly,
I’ve been reading a lot lately about North Korea’s Kim Jong-il, who for some reason is developing nuclear (or nuke-U-ler, if your middle initial is
Arnold Levin Considers Shooting His In-Laws
By Wayne Scheer,
Arnold Levin contemplated the punishment for shooting his in-laws. Would it be considered justifiable or would he get a judge that was never married and
For Better Or For Worse: Man Takes Marital Vows With Himself
By Allen Smith,
Boston, MA – In a landmark case for matrimonial rights, a Boston man married himself today in a private service. Roland Nigland, 31, stood before
Shows That REALLY Aren’t Ready For Prime Time
By Art Carey,
With the usual optimism and fanfare, the major networks have announced their new season television schedules. But what they never talk about are the programs
Home Improvement
By Sean Ellis,
Summer, the time to stop and take notice of the wonders around you. The blooming flowers, the fresh cut grass, the gaping hole in the
Here Comes The Son
By Faith R. Foyil,
It’s summertime again and the outside temperature is soaring nearly as rapidly as my 14-year-old son’s shoe size. Summertime in the House of the Rising
Boys Will Be Boys
By Brad Manzo,
As parents, we learn after a diaper change, or two, that you must change a boy’s diaper quickly or there’s a strong chance your cute,
June-July 2006 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Birth Anomalies I'd Like To Have
By Allen Smith,
I’m a simple person. Admittedly, it doesn’t take much to entertain me when I’ve made up my mind to check out. A boring church service,
Baitin' Switch
By Daniel Bain,
A growing family equates to shrinking living space, so with the addition of our second son, we embarked on a major purge. This involved several
A Mother's Day Fantasy
By Gayle Carline,
Mother’s Day is upon us, and I think we all know what that means: our families are frantically trying to figure out what to do
Email Etiquette DOA
By Robert DiMarco,
It is bad enough that I have to read and reply to scores of business and personal emails every week, but now I have the
You Say You Want A Resolution?
By Sean Ellis,
2006 was going to be the year. From the beginning of December I indulged myself with cake and beer. I stopped going to the gym
Confessions Of A Hypochondriac
By Sarah Flake,
One minute you are perfectly happy, just popping online to surf the internet - the next you discover that you have some obscure, untreatable disease
BINGO!
By Juliana LeRoy,
What if I told you there is a way to survive — nay, not just survive, but enjoy! -- even the most heinous of family
Start-Up Bride
By Carol MacAllister,
The excitement of wedding festivities faded and the reality of my new life stood before me. My first challenge was to set-up the kitchen. Aunt
My Unhandyman
By My Unhandyman,
My husband said those three little words. It was perfect timing, just when I needed to hear them the most. Most women long to hear
Losing My Cool
By Audrey D. Mark,
The other night, I was trying to explain to my seven year old twin boys what an oxymoron is. It's when you have a combination
The Guy Who Only Wants Supermodels In Bikinis
By Cheryl O'Donovan,
I have elevated social interaction to an art form. Painful Impressionist. Nowhere is that more apparent than my stilted conversations with macho guys, particularly the
Breakthrough In Weight Loss Research
By Marsha Roberts,
The same scientist who developed the concept of “net carbs”, on which the popular but defunct Atkins diet was based, now has a new discovery,
When The Mice Are Away
By Joel Schwartzberg,
This week, my wife and three kids made the six-hour trek to her parents’ house in Martha’s Vineyard. It’s a glorious annual event for them,
That’s Life
By Michael Scotchie,
40,000 years of self-improvement, and counting So much of what people do today can be traced back to some evolutionary pre-programming. How much really has
The Maid
By Cindy Small,
Maggots with meatloaf. That’s what my maid, Mrs. Schneider, prepared for the two of us at dinner. I noticed the wild little wiggly creatures upon
June-July 2006 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Lawton Raynell Schnardlicker, You Are The Man!
By Kenny Blade,
January 2, 2016
“Lawton Raynell Shnardlicker, if you were any hotter, the janitor would find a pile of ashes where you currently stand!” Never one to lack confidence,
Suiting Up
By Mary Fran Bontempo,
January 2, 2016
I was wandering through the maze of department store aisles, searching unsuccessfully for the area which would surely change my mood from merely apprehensive to
The Spider, Smith
By Kirt Boyd,
January 2, 2016
Last week, my wife and I were painting her mother's house. I lack both the skill and the wardrobe to be a good house painter,
A Novel Experience
By C. Hope Clark,
January 2, 2016
As a freelance writer, I’ve written nonfiction articles for glossy magazines and a zillion websites. I can craft a 1,000-word information piece so fast it’d
Let's Have Some Quiet In Here, Please
By Darla Curry,
January 2, 2016
My Mother-in-law neglected to warn me my husband was born taking a nap. Upon arrival, his sleepful state was doubtless undisturbed by the ceremonial spank
News From The Department Of Insecurity
By Sharie Derrickson,
January 2, 2016
’m about to make fun of something so scary that if I didn’t make fun of it, I’d be curled up under my bed trembling
School Fashion Cops
By Carol MacAllister,
January 2, 2016
Polyester double-knit burst onto the 70s fashion scene in the shape of men’s leisure suits, spongy backed trench coats, shirts and neckties. Inexpensive, beefy waffle-weaves
The Invisible Line to Middle Age
By Victoria Milillo,
January 2, 2016
The summer of 2005 marked an important event in my life. I had somehow crossed the line into ‘middle-age’. How do I know? Well, at
Demoted
By Tom O'Brien,
January 2, 2016
"The British Broadcast Radio News Service now takes you to Cyprus for this important announcement... Come in Sir Plympton Gnithwold." There was deepening and fading
I'd Like To Buy An R, Please
By Winter Prosapio,
January 2, 2016
"Mommy! I'm a bidj! I'm a bidj!" She's smiling and giggling, squirming excitedly in her car seat. "What?" I ask her, trying to buckle her
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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