"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
April-May 2009
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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April-May 2009 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Wizard Of Oz From Multiple Perspectives
By Ed W.,
Remember seeing the Wizard of Oz as a kid? Boy, some scenes seemed so scary back then. Isn’t it funny how at different times and
Of Bullets and Bad Comma: A Tale of Grammar Noir
By Jenn Thorson,
The phone rang— I made an em-dash for it. A man was on the line. He said he had colon problems. I told him I
On The Trajectories of Stuffed Animals - Research Paper
By David Crawford,
Title: Scientific Analysis of Trajectories and Aerodynamics of Stuffed Toys as Hurled by Recumbent Passenger Seat Apparatus in Mini-Van. Authors: Dad (Supervisor, Range Safety Officer),
I.O.U. One Trillion Dollars
By Richard Eimer,
January 2, 2016
Our economy is in bad shape and we're leaving the tab open for our future generation to pick up. Congress is spending its way out
Dear Human Resources Representative
By Ann I,
I need to schedule another HR consultation. The situation grows increasingly dire with each passing day. I’m referring to inappropriate language, touching, and even nudity.
April-May 2009 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Tool Drool
By David Crawford,
My 8 year-old son’s Cub Scout troop was paying a visit to a cabinet makers shop the other day. It was pretty amazing and I
Dream Professor
By Kevin Craner,
Dear Professor: I have a recurring nightmare in which I’m a letter of the alphabet – a “B” - but I struggle to walk and
Advice For Pigs/Humans Suffering From Swine Flu
By Ryan Taylor,
So what the fudge packets is up with all this swine flu stuff these days? I mean, it’s pretty scary, I’ll admit. Turning into a
The Golden Years...Indeed!
By Maryann Bertoli,
Doesn’t “golden years” seem like a stretch of the imagination? The “rusty years” might be more appropriate. Like the tin man in the Wizard of
Bughumbah?
By Tripp Champion,
If you've been out shopping for holiday decorations to maybe hang a small wreath on your door or decorate a few shrubs in front of
Joy Of Shirt Shopping Lost On Audio Guy
By Burton Cole,,
The joy of shopping is lost on old shirts guys. Through no fault of my own, I possess two new dress shirts. And a nice
April-May 2009 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Short Doses
By Pete Lopez,
Here is an example of a fast joke. Pete (me) is not sure if he is ready for a child yet, but he wants to
Resumes 911
By Mary Walker,
Unemployed? Tired of writing the same old thing: “You will see by my attached resume that I’m well-suited for yada, yada, yada”? Ever wonder if
A 'Dear Mom' Letter for Computer Deficiencies
By Brian Thompson,
Dear Mom, It pains me to say this, but I felt something had to be done. I have to get this off my chest. I
A Study of Human Behavior on the Subway
By Jett Stone,
In a confined place such as a subway car, the conglomerate of individuals standing, sitting and pressed against one another seem to form a unique
Flavored Coffee Creamers and Other Abominations
By Sharon Riley,
A friend of mine in corporate America told me that her company is scaling back in this recessionary time by eliminating flavored creamers for the
What My Children Hear When I Talk
By Kearsie Murphy,
I said: Pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper. They heard: Pick up your clothes but leave your underwear on the floor
Candy Bar Imposters
By Patricia McNamee Rosenberg,
Candy bars are popping up everywhere these days. Their names have been changed to fool the calorie challenged. They go by aliases such as granola
My Informal Education
By Dan McGinley,
I was not a good student attending high school in Massachusetts, where the full moon came out shortly after graduation, sprouting wooly fur up and
Death Wish
By Ron Mattocks,
My wife, it seems, clings to the hope her eventual death will involve some element of peculiarity about it. Traditional means such as car crashes
Bike For Sale, Cheap!
By Chris Adkins,
There are three nice things about my home town of Boise: #1) A beautiful river runs through it to the delight of fishermen in the
Not A Chip Off The Ol' Block
By Sue Langenberg,
Safety Tips From My Mother-in-Law
By Ann I,
My Mother-in-law likes to forward e-cautionary tips, and all manner of advice for hysteria-loving folk. Below review some safety tips I pray none of us
My Attempt At A Romance Novel
By Chad Hatfield,
(I have been busy attempting to write a romance novel. It has turned out to be pretty hard. After three long months, here’s what I
Swiss Army
By Steve Frain,
My girlfriend usually comes through when it comes to birthday gifts. This year however I was slightly disappointed. She knows that I have a Swiss
Picnics Are Best Served Without Live Chickens
By Burton Cole,,
In retrospect, adding the chickens sounded better in the planning than in the execution – which very nearly was ours. Certainly, we wouldn’t have had
Grandpa Gurgles Like Baby Over, Well, The Baby
By Burton Cole,,
Biology -- the mere fact that I am related to my daughter -- made me a grandfather. It was when my 13-day-old grandson baptized me
Little-Known Hints For Central America Travel
By Becky Cardwell,
I recently returned from a two month trip to Central America, where I was fortunate enough to study Spanish and experience the customs in Guatemala,
April-May 2009 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
If Today You Hear Mom's Voice, Listen Up!
By Sherry Antonetti,
January 2, 2016
Moms have this gift. It isn’t a power, it’s a Darwinian evolutionary trait designed to ensure the long term viability of the species as a
Twenty Five / Twenty Five
By Cynthia Burton,
January 2, 2016
When I saw the return address I cringed. It was my reminder to make my appointment for my annual well woman exam, only this year
My Eject Button!
By Debbie Dillon,
January 2, 2016
Few things in life plunge me head-first into stress-induced madness quicker than my squawking parrot and my fighting teenagers. Because of this, I’m in the
The Real Secret Of Success
By Jay Feldman,
January 2, 2016
It’s really simple. It has been in front of us all the time, and, yet, we haunt bookstores and libraries and watch Oprah trying to
Handymen For Hire
By Steve Frain,
January 2, 2016
Need some work done around your house? Well, we can do anything you need done. This is how a typical day might go if you
The Eight-Year-Old Pill Pusher
By Laurie Lichtenstein,
January 2, 2016
My daughter is a pill pusher. I have friends who describe horrific tales about their kids having to be held down by two parents and
Waiting To Explode
By Tom Luddecke,
January 2, 2016
Last night, during a local town meeting, John Tuscon, a member of the audience, mysteriously exploded. Other than shock, temporary loss of hearing, and multiple
Lady Boomer's Diary
By Deidra Miles,
January 2, 2016
Real life experiences every female boomer can (or will) relate to. DAY ONE: 5:30 AM and finally he’s out of bed and getting ready for
The Men Who Stated The Obvious
By Jason Nedbalek,
January 2, 2016
Weathermen are the most self-important bozos to ever gaze upon a teleprompter. They stand in front of a camera, and spend an eternal four minutes
Alien People Or Alien Peebles?
By Martha Peebles,
January 2, 2016
If any of you find a small town that bears your last name, I highly encourage that you make plans to visit. A family snapshot
The Grade That Everyone Should Be Allowed To Skip
By Nicole Qualtieri,
January 2, 2016
Trying to distinguish which was the worst year in my twenty-five is a tough process. There was the year my father died of cancer. The
Americans Trade In Nagging Refrigerators
By Scott Sleek,
January 2, 2016
News from the Future... May 5, 2029 – Sales of broadband-connected refrigerators fell 25% in the first quarter, while purchases of standard refrigerator models increased
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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