I'm sure everyone's heard that the world's supply of bees is mysteriously dwindling and soon mankind will follow suit. Without bees around to pollinate the majority of the crops we depend on, our food supply will disappear and we'll be left to eat each other. Eventually there … [Read more...]

I just learned that Barbie turned 50 this year. That settles it. I'm asking her out. She's perfect. For all you perennial single guys out there, she's perfect. She's petite and passive. She's always a sharp dresser and she's aged amazingly well. She's sexually dysfunctional, and … [Read more...]

Haircuts are so expensive these days. Last weekend they practically charged me two bucks just for walking through the front door. Then, to make matters worse, I didn't leave a tip. So it looks like everyone got screwed. Due to the price, the next time I get a haircut I'm going … [Read more...]

Yes, gather your unassembled toys, your tools and your six-packs, folks. It’s that special night when reindeer fly, children dream, and parents assemble gifts. All. Night. Long. For such a wondrous, joyous, never-flippin’-ending occasion - and since I’ll be very busy this … [Read more...]