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In retrospect, instead of dropping $900 on my first car, it would have been easier (and cheaper) to simply walk up to all the attractive girls in my high school, one at a time, and tell them I was gay. It certainly couldn’t have hurt my chances any worse than my 1984 Buick … [Read more...]
Modern men face a peril that didn’t exist twenty years ago: couples showers. How did this happen? At my recent baby shower, I had two hours to ponder this unseemly trend. In the glory days, whenever a shower was planned, associates with a “Y” chromosome had to vacate the … [Read more...]
Who needs a Caribbean cruise or renovated kitchen when, for roughly the same price, you can enjoy an excruciating root canal complete with crown made from the same material used to construct toilet bowls? This year, just for fun, I decided to spend my entire federal tax refund … [Read more...]
After ten years of bearing the burden of birth control my wife decided that I should take on the responsibility for preventing another bundle of joy from entering our lives and activating the murder-suicide pact we agreed to after our third child was born. After serious … [Read more...]
There are many things that you can tell people that you've developed that make you an interesting and sought after guest at parties. Things like "I've developed a cure for baldness" or, in the event that you are already bald, "I've developed a large piece of property." You can … [Read more...]