It wasn't a great start to the day. Stumbling to the latrine, still half asleep, I tripped over a rock and fell awkwardly into the bushes beside the jungle track. As I landed a sharp, searing pain tore through my right buttock, causing me to scream out loud in agony. Rolling over … [Read more...]

Lawyers are such weirdos. Of course, it doesn't help when we answer the “So what do you do?” question at parties and our reply either makes people's eyes widen in horror or causes them to ask for free legal advice about Uncle Bernie defaulting on a loan. Still, it's true. We … [Read more...]

No one seems to know exactly when the dead of winter is, but you can get a fair estimate by multiplying the number of icicles hanging from your nose by the number of sharp, deep breaths you take when your spouse tries to warm their icy feet on your back – a maneuver also known as … [Read more...]

I am a bacterium, and I live with my family in Dave's colon. We are round microscopic organisms from the Peptococcus species, and we reside in the part of the colon that's called the cecum. It's extremely crowded in there with several trillion other bacteria, and very little … [Read more...]

The cellular clinic opened four years ago with the introduction of the iDroidsung. Since then, we have treated millions for modern-day aliments, unique to a generation that refuses to live in the moment, interface with other humans and suffers from illusions of grandeur. Cranial … [Read more...]