"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
October-november 2009
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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October-november 2009 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
The Leaning Pines Home for Aging Rock Stars
By David Crawford,
As general manager of the Leaning Pines Home for Aging Rock Stars, I take great pride in keeping the lines of communication open with you
Politics In America: A One Act Play
By Christopher Hivner,
Cast of Characters: Joe Miller: 44, used to have a programming job for a mid-sized software company. His job went to China, now he works
Going Green, Seeing Red
By Barry Parham,
Another Earth Day has come and gone. Remember the throngs of humanity, gathering in common purpose? The hopeful determination? The global community, joining hand in
Afghan Fighters Adapt To Obama’s Military Strategy
By Carlos Arnade,
January 2, 2016
Editor's Note: Some readers, perhaps those with a military connection, may at first glance feel this entry is inappropriate or offensive. Please note, however, that
Anesthesia Anyone?
By Kathy Welch,,
While vacationing in Las Vegas recently, my husband was admitted to the hospital for acute pancreatitis. He was almost readmitted to a local hospital for
October-november 2009 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
A Playbook For Fatherhood
By Mary Frailey Calland,
From the chilly sidelines of a middle-school soccer game, I overheard two dads commiserating on how difficult it is to be a father. While their
The Santa Claus Story: Lies, I Tell You! All Lies!
By David Goldstein,
Even as a child I always had credibility issues with the Santa story. Some elements of it just don't make a lick of sense to
Acing The Interview
By Mary Kirchhoff,
Job interviews have become extremely competitive in this tough economy, where college graduates are applying for entry-level jobs, jobs that I, less educated, would previously
20% Off With Their Heads!
By Barry Parham,
Not long ago, I went on a bizarre safari with my parents, to one of those monstrous, membership-driven, continent-sized, discount shopping marts (I can’t spell
Big Carl's Eventual Holiday
By Barry Parham,
Here in my town of Creyer (pronounced "Cur"), there's lots to do this summer. And for me and my fellow citizens, that's welcome news indeed.
Musings: The Office Holiday Luncheon
By Ebony Robinson,
For reasons Celeste cannot understand, she has again agreed to organize the holiday luncheon. As always, the firm will supply the turkey and dressing. The
Menopause Barbie
By Katherine Turski,
It’s been fifty years since the debut of Barbie, the original “fashion doll.” You’d think something made of plastic wouldn’t have changed much—sort of like
Horticultural Crops Break Out Of Greenhouses
By Carlos Arnade,
As White House officials searched for carbon neutral transport to the Copenhagen Global Warming summit, Miami Police announced that 14 horticultural crops had escaped from
Welcome Aboard Roulette Airlines!
By Ken Bobrosky,
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Roulette Airlines -– where we believe you have a 1 in 36 chance of arriving safely at your destination. Our
Holiday Shopping Requires Referees
By Burton Cole,,
Thanksgiving is leftovers, Christmas looms, and here in the middle, I see the shadows of shopping circling around me like vultures in gift wrap. Guys
The Perfect Christmas Letter
By Laurie Fabrizio,
Once again, the arrival of the holidays finds me sorting mail with trepidation, painfully anticipating those seasonal letters from family and friends. You know the
October-november 2009 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Passion And The Art Of Fish Gutting
By Amy Rhinehart Bailey,
A good many of the problems during the first year of marriage are caused by unrealistic expectations on the part of you and your spouse.
My Fat Is My Sweetie’s Fault
By Burton Cole,,
Are you, like me, married? Then take heart – and another helping of dessert. Your fat isn’t your fault. It’s your spouse’s. In one of
Clearing The Air
By David Crawford,
One of the many dilemmas facing parents these days pertains to meal choices, and their consequences. For example, I avoid granola and bark mulch-based breakfast
Just Sign It And Move On
By Jean Follmer,
I think that, maybe, I should feel badly about what I did. After all, he’s just a kid –- and a 6-year-old at that. I
101 Ways To Hurt Yourself: A Children’s Guide To Recess
By Weston Locher,
Schoolyard playgrounds used to be dangerous places. The key words there are “used,” “to,” and “be.” I’m a believer that the higher the danger levels
Andrea's Hotel Review Blog
By Andrea Robinson,
November 15 at 7:42pm Alrighty then! Arrived in Fort Lauderdale, first night, full service hotel, bar, restaurant, beautiful and clean hotel!! Yeehaw! November 16 at
Dust Whisperer
By Charla Schafer,
Dust has held generations of my family together. It is the mechanism that allows our family to communicate. As one of the boys is rushing
I'm Just Not Ready For -30-
By Pat Snyder,
I’ve never been the jealous type. So I shocked myself the other day when I shrieked at the discovery that my late husband is now
Getting The Job
By Richard Turck,
The work environment is getting more and more competitive. When looking for employment, you have to try extra hard to prove that you're the person
The Change
By Jo Worsham,
When I was younger, I would hide behind the sofa and eavesdrop on the neighborhood women gathered for morning coffee at my house. Eventually their
October-november 2009 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Celebrity Children's Books
By David Goldstein,
January 2, 2016
Celebrities writing children’s books are to the 00’s what celebrities' “cutting albums” were to the 80’s. (Which reminds me: Thank you, Eddie Murphy, Don Johnson
T'was The Night Before Jesus Day: A Politically Incorrect Holiday Rhyme
By Morgan Ingari,
January 2, 2016
‘Twas the night before Jesus day and all through the McMansion Not a hired helper was complaining about their small Christmas pension. The silk stockings
National Park Service Guidelines
By Robert Kalish,
January 2, 2016
Welcome to your local national park. In response to recent changes, the National Park Service and the National Rifle Association (motto: Guns Don’t Kill, People
Leaving My Heart In The Depths Of A Taco Shell
By Mark Levin,
January 2, 2016
It was Friday, and I was making my weekly Taco Bell trip to delve into the land of beef and nacho cheese: paradise in a
R U Understanding The Latest Technology?
By Michele McCusker,
January 2, 2016
I have a close friend named, Rutgg. Well, her name really isn’t Rutgg. It’s Ruth. I just happened to have had a hard time entering
Fixing The Fridge
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
January 2, 2016
Normally I’d call a professional repairperson to fix a major appliance. It’s the prudent thing to do. Then again, no one’s ever described me as
Tainted Crawdads
By Cindy Small,
January 2, 2016
From my living room window, I see Republicans in boxer shorts sipping chicory coffee out of “Go-Bush” mugs as they relax on vinyl Lay-Z-Boy recliners
It’s My Funeral And I’ll Cry If I Want To…
By David Swagell,
January 2, 2016
A 59-year-old Brazilian bricklayer has surprised his family by turning up to his own funeral. Relatives of Ademir Goncalves thought he had been killed in
My Grandmother And The Drunk
By Julie Tomlinson,
January 2, 2016
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s disease. This is not funny but you either laugh or cry at the memories. She was the picture perfect Grandmother. She
Does A Candidate Need Good Teeth To Run For Office?
By Christopher Venckus,
January 2, 2016
During a break from a heated game of Go Fish with my eight year old daughter, I had inspiration to write an article about the
Mortgage Mess: Can A Sheep Really Help?
By Christopher Venckus,
January 2, 2016
It was during lunch with my cousin Marcus when my inability to pay for a small kumquat reminded me of all the high interest mortgages
Terrors Of The Garden Have Him Shaking In His Pants
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Fresh vegetables have been finding their way onto our dinner table. I know they’re fresh because clumps of dried dirt rain down from them as
Maclaren Pushchair Safety: Thumbs Up
By Kevin Craner,
January 2, 2016
"Maclaren’s “umbrella fold” pushchairs are under scrutiny after the company recalled the buggies in the US and announced it was offering owners free hinge covers
Grinding The Axe
By Kathryn Cureton,
January 2, 2016
It’s better to give than to receive. And I give, by cracky! If I was not there to assist Santa, my kids would get a
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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