A 59-year-old Brazilian bricklayer has surprised his family by turning up to his own funeral.
Relatives of Ademir Goncalves thought he had been killed in a car crash in southern Parana state the previous day. Police said the victim had been so badly disfigured relatives had trouble indentifying the body.
Relative A – ‘Well, it kind of looks like him. Did he have hairy feet?’
Relative B – ‘I don’t know, but I can only see the right foot, can you see the left?’
Ademir had in fact spent the night on a Cachaca bender with a bunch of work mates. It was later reported he had won four straight games of the Brazilian equivalent of the drinking game ‘Fuzzy Duck’, before eating an unpeeled banana and passing out.
Ademir did not get word of his own funeral until it was already happening. That begs the question, when and how do you make an entrance at your own funeral?
‘I wanted to see a few tears first. I waited for the second eulogy’, Ademir said.
‘Some people have been saying I am insensitive for waiting that long. But I wanted to learn a little more about myself, and I wanted to know who my true friends are. I was surprised to see a few old girlfriends still on the scene. Luciana had just had her breasts done, they were twice the size I remembered, she looked great’.
‘I was not too sure how to make an entrance. I mean, you can’t just walk in unannounced, that would be a little creepy. I wanted to make a big entrance, do something a little different, something your average mourner wouldn’t expect. I wanted to involve some sort of choreographed dance routine, nothing over the top, but something with meaning’.
‘So I entered the funeral moon walking, and every five meters I added in the stance John Travolta does on Saturday Night Fever. You know the one, where he points to the ceiling. The contrast in moves really worked, it really held the audiences attention’.
‘If I had a little more time to prepare I would have gone with a softer, more artistic entrance, one that builds into a huge finale. I would have produced a short mime act, playing out the supposed last few days of my life. But it would have needed a few costume changes and some abstract lighting for full effect’.
‘While I was on the bus to the funeral a lot was running through my mind. I even thought about trying to lighten up the mood by making an entrance with a naked one-man Conga line. But I knew there would be a few oldies at the funeral and I didn’t want to give anyone a heart attack. Atletico is playing Coritiba on Wednesday and there is no way I’m going to miss this game for another funeral’.