"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
February/March 2012
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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February/March 2012 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Skirts v. Skins
By Barry Parham,
As an adult (sic), one discovery I keep making is that most of what we were taught in school is bunk. Reams of facts with
How I Feel in Love with My Phone
By Peter Quinn,
During a mid-afternoon respite in my man cave, I was watching another riveting episode of Oprah. As I'm a middle age, balding, fat white guy,
Dead Soon With Miss Eula
By Cindy Small,
Growing up in New Orleans, I was taught I could count on St. Anthony to help me find something lost – a way of wheeling
Does This Mattress Make Me Look Fat?
By Ron Clyburn,
January 2, 2016
You come home from a hard day’s work. You kick off your shoes, grab a cold one from the fridge and plop down in your
Go Ahead -- Spam Me!
By Anita Lanning,
Annoying as it is, unwanted e-mails are a part of internet users’ lives. Call it spam, bulk or junk mail, there it is, filling up
February/March 2012 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
He’s Got Legs, and He Knows How to Hose Them
By Burton Cole,,
“Dude, are my hose twisted?” Very. But not the way he meant. “Bruno, you look scary in pantyhose.” “Dude, I keep telling ya, they’re MANtyhose!
A Real American Job
By Michael Fenn,
Attention potential employers, I'm currently in my early thirties. I am many years into a job about as fulfilling to me as a Pepsi would
9 Reasons to Keep Found Items
By Chris Lombardo and Noel Boivin,
When you find something that someone else has misplaced – whether it be cash or a laptop with state secrets – common courtesy dictates that
Family Reunion Extraordinare
By Kathryn McFadden,
Like an unremitting , proliferating virus, here it is again. My invitation announces that the "15th Annual Bricker Family Reunion" is being held at the
An 'i' For An 'i'
By Cathy Turney,
I got My Husband the Engineer an iPhone for Christmas, figuring he could be the guinea pig and learn it before my Raspberry (aka Blackberry
Man Ruins Arm with Dog Toys
By Chris Weilert,
The doctor asked, “have you been doing anything abnormal lately that may have caused your pain?” I hadn’t done anything abnormal in quite some time,
February/March 2012 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Elevator Etiquette
By Carl Megill,
Technology is an amazing thing, isn’t it? Just look at the advances technology has made over the years. We have picture within a picture television,
Revenge of the Blackberry
By Cathy Turney,
Weary of the insults I hurl at it, my Blackberry refused to cooperate with its new battery. I had no choice — time to upgrade
Great Deal on an Ab-Rocket and National Geographics
By Chris Weilert,
One man’s junk is another man's treasure – it has become a phenomenon that’s sweeping the land. Just turn on the television and you can
Racy Rooster Talk
By Linda Zern,
A professor asked my son’s college class, “Who decides if a baby is a boy or a girl?” One bright young genderless humanoid piped up
Candidates Demand Americans Return to Using Roman Numerals
By Carlos Arnade,
A growing number of political candidates, and an uncountable number of their supporters, have demanded the United States return to using Roman Numerals for all
On Traversing The Five Stages Of Grief While Skydiving After Forgetting To Put On A Parachute
By Pete Ballard,
A lot of things go through your mind when you skydive out of an airplane at 12,500 feet and you realize you forgot to put
What if the World Were Run By The Airline Industry
By Wayne Chan,
A few days ago I flew to Seattle on a business trip. Now, I’ve flown all over the world, for work and vacations alike, and
Kiddie Games Teach Poor Morals
By Eric Charbonnel,
“Many of the games we teach our children are actually the things that rob them of their innocence. In order to stop this madness, we
Screening for Sainthood
By Patty Clark,
On May 1, 2011, the late Pope John Paul moved a step closer to becoming a saint in a jubilant ceremony that drew over one
Hey Weirdo, Welcome to the Club!
By Burton Cole,,
The great philosopher Scott ''Dilbert'' Adams succinctly summed up the simple truth: ''Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.'' Truth sets you free. If you already know
Disc Golf Is A Funny Game
By D. Michael Craft,
I met a guy who invited me to play disc golf with some buddies. I thought to myself, well, it’s fifty degrees with a twenty
What's Up Doc? A Visit to Your Physician
By George Davis,
Have you ever been to the doctor’s office and experienced visits like this with your doctor? “You may experience some discomfort.” Translation: Get ready for
An Afternoon with a Shopping Cart
By Chad Hatfield,
I recently stunned my wife by volunteering to go to the grocery store for her. I wanted to help (and really wanted to try pushing
Targeted
By Scott Mahler,
I read most of Barbara Ehrenreich’s book Nickel and Dimed: on (not) getting by in America a few months ago. I didn’t finish it because
February/March 2012 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Mr. Big Words
By Sarah Blodgett,
January 2, 2016
I may not be a rocket scientist, but I’ve always considered myself to be of above average intelligence. I always got good grades in school.
For One Family, A Different Kind of Shell Game
By Wayne Chan,
January 2, 2016
Yesterday as I was lounging about in front of the TV, I came across a scene that reminded me how resourceful, skilled, and talented we
The Bathrooms are Alive with the Sound of Music
By Wayne Chan,
January 2, 2016
I have decided to be a brain surgeon. I have no relevant experience or formal training as a brain surgeon, but I do have some
The Cosby Christmas Curiosity!
By Ivan Ciano,
January 2, 2016
Within the last few years, the concept of having Christmas sweater parties has risen in popularity. The general idea is to find an old, poorly
Mmmm Good!
By Lynne Harkavy,
January 2, 2016
Christmas was coming and our ten-year old son Billy was all agog. “Are we going to get a tree pretty soon?” he asked. “Yes, maybe
The Vacuum Cleaner
By Bernadette Hoyer,
January 2, 2016
“I don’t care what the vacuum cleaner just sucked up “ has been my motto. I do try and eyeball plastic parts that could harm
Loyally Long-Suffering with my Little Old Ladies
By Mary Kirchhoff,
January 2, 2016
I cannot seem to find a man, but there is never a shortage of little old ladies in my life. Little Old Ladies – (LOLs)
Worth His While
By June O'Hara,
January 2, 2016
I have more embarrassing moments than your average bear. It's the defining feature of my life, the essence of my core, ever propelling me to
Underwear
By Lloyd S,
January 2, 2016
New Infantry® Clothing Manufactory’s underwear division, Atomic Wedgies®, just announced their new patented line of nether wear for both men and women. The new line
A Senior's Tennis Lament
By Ira Spector,
January 2, 2016
Bypassed clogs, wired up chest, chicken wire stents, balloon veins attest, Food tracks stain the front of my clothes Can’t bend well, a few numb
Flying Sisters
By Lin Stearns-Carroll,
January 2, 2016
(Excerpted from “Ironing Board Chronicles”) In 1957 our family bought a historical house, which had a grand chimney in the kitchen. Mom had the chimney
Close Encounter of the Suburban Kind
By Nancy Wurtzel,
January 2, 2016
Everyone says that living in the suburbs can be boring, but I disagree. If you keep your eyes open you never know what you might
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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