Within the last few years, the concept of having Christmas sweater parties has risen in popularity. The general idea is to find an old, poorly designed sweater that depicts the holiday. Think of a sweater your grandmother would knit you and simply slip it on, and prepare to party it up with a group of people that are wearing their own battle-worn cheese-tastic sweaters. Extra credit is usually given to the guest that has some festive renditions depicted on their knitted wonder, like cats, snowflakes and Christmas trees.
We know the feeling…
While these parties are currently taking place across the nation, I dared to dream, I dared to think of one of the pioneers that has an inkling of influence towards the fashion sense of sweaters. While you’re at these gatherings, one name is sporadically name-dropped, and according to his birth certificate, that man is known as William Henry Cosby, Jr.
Known for his comedy stylings, long running television sit-com and product marketing (Coca Cola’s “New Coke” and Jello Pudding Pops are some of the products that he was a spokesman for), Bill Cosby may be remembered for many things.
However, one of the most notable correlations with the name “Bill Cosby” is “Loud Sweaters”. Admit it — the concoctions that appeared on most of his sweaters, while representing an entirely different decade (The 80’s also breeded Zubaz pants and Inspector Gadget), were a fine example of what ugly sweaters should be — The colours were in-your-face and all over the place, and the patterns were unique, to say the least.
Now I’m not a fashionista by any means, nor do I have a right to express an opinion in the matter. Now what I want to do is start up an annual tradition.
For one day annually, I’d like to propose a new holiday tradition — one that focuses on these types of sweaters that Bill Cosby started to popularize almost 3 decades ago. The official day of the annual Cosby Christmas Curiosity would always end up being on a Thursday that’s prior to Christmas day (eg. If the 25th on a particular year ends up being a Sunday, this holiday would occur on the 22nd), as an homage to the weekday that would usually deliver a new episode of Bill’s show to the masses.
With any new tradition, guidelines and rituals need to be set for the occasion. The following is a list of what the Cosby Christmas Curiosity would entail:
The obvious, a stylistically loud sweater — the more illogical patterns on it, the better! A fine range of Coogi-inspired sweaters.
Any kind of food is embraced during this specific gathering, but guests must eat or drink at least one product that was previously marketed by the Cos’, such as a fudge pop (good luck finding an official Jello Pudding Pop in Canada!), or some Coca Cola.
At one point, all the guests will form a giant circle — If anyone has a problem that they’d like to get some advice on, it’ll be expressed in this family-like setting. Anyone in the circle is permitted to give feedback. Once everyone is satisfied, the group will dissipate and the party will resume. This circle can only be formed once during the Cosby Christmas Curiosity.
An artist’s rendition of the social circle…each sweater represents a guest; DEEP!
If a visitor asks anyone at the party for advice after the designated group discussion, you are encouraged to answer their question with a witty remark (while ignoring the inquiry…). Anyone that may hear this transpire is also encouraged to start laughing (mimicking the “studio audience” in most sit-coms).
The only alcoholic beverages permitted are wine (both red and white) and Champagne, so your visitors can try to exhume some class.
One group photo of every visitor celebrating the occasion, preferably with a Kodak camera (Yes, Bill was a spokesman for them as well).
Finally, music must be playing for the entire party…if the tunes ever stop, everyone must repeatedly yell out, “Theo!!” until they come back on.
Fellow readers, I’d like to introduce this newfangled holiday to the population! It may not include a tree and LED lights, or 8 days of gifts, but it gives us all a platform to whip out Coogi-inspired apparel and act morally superior to our fellow comrades. After all, the guy invented Fat Albert!