"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
February-March 2010
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
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February-March 2010 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Health Care Now and Then
By David Crawford,
The world of health care, which has inspired so much calm and thoughtful debate recently, will be much better off now that Americans have settled
Russia Uses Siberian Air Mass to Bully Smaller Warmer Nations (Asserting its Power in a Multi-Polar World)
By Carlos Arnade,
In an ominous development reminiscent of the cold war, last week Russia was discovered to be amassing millions of cubic feet of frigid Siberian air,
Dante's Piles
By Cindy P.,
They say dogs are just like their owners. My dog scoots across the carpet on her rear end like an upright, motorized ceramic lawn ornament.
How to Dress for a Happy Wedding – The Guy’s Guide
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
For years, I managed to dress myself. Then I married a consultant. Dressing has become an adventure. And a danger. I was heading to the
What Moms Already Know About Super Bowl Lingo
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Moms are often stereotyped as being football-illiterate. First down? Red zone? Fullback? But in the spirit of the Super Bowl (as well as Johnny Carson's
February-March 2010 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
A Tale of Forbidden Fruit
By Wayne Chan,
As a service to our readers, I have taken it upon myself, in a never-ending quest to unravel the secrets of Asian culture, to seek
The Britney and Beijing Accord
By Wayne Chan,
It turns out that the fashion police are alive and well in China, and they have set their sights on Britney Spears. Pop star Britney
Dear Diary, Matt Damon Is At “It” Again
By Gordon Chapman,
I never really felt much empathy for Jimmy Kimmel when it was reported that Matt Damon was procreating with his girlfriend. But as TV becomes
What Will They Stink Of Next?
By Burton Cole,,
Play-Doh is the sweetest smell in the world this side of chocolate. But it never occurred to me to wear it as a cologne. Now
Observations Of A 30-Year Married Man
By Terry Dawley,
Because women don't possess the physical strength of men, they've evolved with a gene that more than makes up for it. I believe the gene's
Wii-njuries
By Cindy Largey,
“Mom! Are you busy? Do you want to play Tennis?” “I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. I have wii-njuries.” “What?” “wii-njuries. You know,
Actuarial Family Theater
By Barry Parham,
(Risk management, food chains, neurotic rabbits, and evil sea aliens) I'm a single guy. But I do have married friends. And some of those friends
You Can Go To Health
By Ed Welter,
America is getting fatter. There’s nothing funny about that! Or is there? If you take a close look at the whole concept of exercise, it’s
February-March 2010 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
When Rock Bands and Kid Shows Collide
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Are your kids ready for KISS? No matter, because Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons and company are ready for your kids. Word is out that the
Louse-y Job
By Kimberly Swed,
I was searching the phone book today looking for the number to my son's new school...I was in the S's. A search heading caught my
The Republican Party Announces Plan to Put a Republican on the Moon by 2020
By Carlos Arnade,
In response to President Obama’s plan to eliminate NASA’s project to put a “Man on the moon” by 2021, the Republican Party announced that party
Chinese Family Reunions 101
By Wayne Chan,
For those of you who may attend a Chinese banquet or are Chinese and are planning a big get together with family, I have compiled
A Sure Sign of a Recession….State Governments Attach “Super” to Crimes
By Gordon Chapman,
I’ve always strived to be the best that I can be. I was that kid who put the extra BB into the windshield of that
Police Interview
By David Crawford,
This is the big city. Some people here steal for pleasure. Some people steal just because it’s there – you never know. My name is
Quality Toilet Paper: The Secret Behind Every Happy Family
By Vicky DeCoster,
Everything changed in our house the moment I brought home a twelve-pack of expensive toilet paper to replace the generic facsimile I had been purchasing
Plump Shiny Lips Anyone?
By Sheli Ellsworth,
Cursed with a tendency to have chapped lips, I have embarked on a lifelong journey to treat this medical mystery. In an effort to buy
The Joys of Home Ownership: L.A. Style
By Margie Finn,
One of the joys of living in Los Angeles, aside from the Kardashians being our role models, is awakening each morning to discover that, during
I Am An Idiot
By Christopher Hivner,
I changed a tire yesterday, a very manly thing to do. Kneeling in the dirt, getting grease on my skin, muscles in my arms and
Booty Call
By Sheila Hudson,
I could see it in their eyes as the steward pushed my wheelchair down the gangplank. Poor thing got drunk and sprained her ankle. Well
Giving My Kids a Tune-Up
By Joel Schwartzberg,
During long car rides with my kids, we listen to the carefully-curated iPod playlist I created for them back when they were little. As each
February-March 2010 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Then There's the One About the Herd of Meatballs
By Wayne Chan,
January 2, 2016
Don’t believe everything you read. If there’s anything you might take away after reading this column, I hope you believe that simple fact. Hmm…I think
Banana Split
By Cindy Largey,
January 2, 2016
“Stop the car!” I shouted again. “We’re almost there,” replied my husband. “I’m not kidding! I can’t do this!” I begged. “But Mom, it’s the
Baby Diarrhea is the New Black
By Lauren McHale,
January 2, 2016
It was 9:45 A.M. on Wednesday morning. Ordinarily at this time I would have been at work in Center City Philadelphia, but now three weeks
The Full Monty Locker Room Experience
By Lauren McHale,
January 2, 2016
As a lifelong participant in competitive sports, I am no stranger to the women's locker room. I remember first setting foot in the locker room
Snoring: My Mating Call
By Diane Pascoe,
January 2, 2016
“What’s bothering you , dear.” Honey’s question pierced the stillness of the early morning. The only other sound to be heard was the dog’s elbow
Get a Grip
By Lesley Marijke McCandless,
January 2, 2016
Okay, so I lied. Maybe. Just listen to my side of the story before you judge me. A friend gave me one of those gripper
The Salad Days of Playboy
By Scott Sackett,
January 2, 2016
I hate pornography, not on the usual religious or moral grounds, but because you can get it free anytime, anywhere. You can download incredibly high
Debt Superheroes
By Thomas Sullivan,
January 2, 2016
At 6PM on a Monday my doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone, so I walk warily to the front door. I could just ignore the
When Opportunity Knocks You Down
By Karla Telega,
January 2, 2016
I grew up in a gentler time when my parents could smack the snot out of me with impunity. Mom even went so far as
Gynophobia
By Thomas Wheeler,
January 2, 2016
I did not make this one up. Gynophobia is a real, live phobia....The fear of women. Having raised two daughters through their teenage years and
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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