Moms are often stereotyped as being football-illiterate. First down? Red zone? Fullback? But in the spirit of the Super Bowl (as well as Johnny Carson’s “Carnac the Magnificent”), I’m sharing 16 football terms that have double-meanings in the context of raising kids — meanings that endure well beyond an over-hyped three-hour period on an otherwise useful Sunday afternoon:
Parental exclamation after the younger of two siblings goes to sleep.
What you do five minutes after you’ve left the house without ample pacifiers.
How to settle the issue of getting one free cookie but having two children on the verge of fighting over it.
Good Field Position
A shady picnic spot in the park far from other children and dog poop.
What keeps companies like Desitin and Vaseline in business.
“But she hit me first!”
When you run out of time to give a full one.
What happens when the first restaurant-menu tic-tac-toe game ends in a tie.
The benefit of mechanical pencils over typical #2s.
In the minivan, when your child tells you the left lane is clear.
The part of a child’s sock that is hardest to put on.
When you hold a crying kid with one hand and take a call with the other.
The family dog, especially when lounging on your child’s bed.
The point at which one child’s allotted water-fountain period ends and another’s begins.
The moment at which a parent says “Hold my hand! We’re in a parking lot!”