"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
December 2008-January 2009
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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December 2008-January 2009 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Twenty Efficient Driving Tips and Other Beer-Fueled Ideas
By Dan McGinley,
1) Drive in Reverse: Based on the reverse-motion theorems of Albert Einstein’s little- known brother Eddy, this will actually refill your gas tank as you
A New Burger Called: "The Angry Burger"? They Must Be Kidding!
By Joan Haara,
A major fast-food restaurant has just introduced a new burger called: "The Angry Burger". Seriously. Evidently, it is a burger full of hot seasonings like
The Science of Blogging
By David Jenkins,
A blog is like a pair of underwear – everyone except members of certain jungle tribes has at least one, but no one except your
Driven To Madness
By Ivy Eisenberg,
January 2, 2016
I’m jealous of the hussy who speaks to my husband from his dashboard. Even though the tart talks non-stop, constantly giving him directions—“turn left at
Body Language
By Kevin Craner,
Scientists say that the reason we fidget when we’re nervous is because the stress triggers an innate physiological response, leading us to unconsciously believe that
December 2008-January 2009 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Dogs: Friend or Fiend?
By Kevin Craner,
Pet behavioural expert, Professor Dick Flipstick, wrote his treatise on canine behaviour while in a mental asylum. His most notable theory was inspired by his
The Hills Are Alive
By Sean Ellis,
The first week of school arrived at last. By the end of the week I had gotten most of the contact paper off my arms,
Fish I Have Known
By Dan McGinley,
"You ask me if I fish, but rather, you should ask if I know of fish.” -- Diatacleses, 22 A.D. Woo-woooo! I totally made that
Is It Hot Enough For You?
By Danielle Schaaf,
There comes a time when mothers of teenage boys must deal with the inevitable: raging hormones, shifting moods, aching joints and weight gain. But facial
Rag Or No Rag?
By Danielle Schaaf,
“Contessa, I need your help,” The Big Guy hollered from the den. Oh great, he wants me to turn the channels on the television set.
Clash Of The Titans
By Carl Vine,
Betty is a big girl - big and mean. Nobody’s sure why she goes by Betty, her given name is Melissa - but don’t call
December 2008-January 2009 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Losing At Candyland
By Kearsie Murphy,
After a long day’s work, my husband came home, dragging himself through the door and plopping down in front of the TV. He looked so
An Evening In Dorkville
By William Schmitt,
So this is what it feels like to be a geek. My youngest son has been asking to get a particular on-line super hero game
The Seven Deadly Sins
By Sheila Smigel,
Suddenly I am envious. I know, ENVY is one of the seven deadly sins (second in fact, right after PRIDE), but I can't help myself.
Song Of The Puce
By Jerrel Swingle,
Call me Puce. I’m the Rodney Dangerfield of the color spectrum. I get no respect. Take my name. Notice how awkwardly it rolls off the
Sheet Defeat
By Judi Veoukas,
I screamed at an inanimate object. I didn’t start the day planning to verbally assault anything. It just kind of happened when I struggled to
Fast Forward
By Joel Habush,
YOUR INBOX FROM: Me TO: Long list of names that you don’t know, much less care about. SUBJECT: IMPORTANT. THESE ARE REAL TIPS THAT WILL
Higher Learning
By Kirt Boyd,
Porter Elementary wasn't a school for ambitious kids. At the end of fourth grade, if you could tie your shoelaces in under eight minutes, you
Soap Opera -– The Reality Show
By Mary Brennan,
I've never been much a fan of soap opera's, that is, until I had children. I realized at that point, my life had become just
Economics Forecast By State Of Bathrooms
By Burton Cole,,
Times are tough. You can tell by peeking in the bathroom. The plight of a person’s checkbook can be told by the ply of his
Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
By Stephen Joseph,
There is a world-wide economic recession, the Big Three automakers are on the brink of bankruptcy and Bernard Madoff has stolen your entire life savings.
Application Anxiety
By Mary Kirchhoff,
It’s tough being unemployed. But the lack of money, food and shelter doesn’t compare with the misery of the job hunting process itself. The applications
Ten Years After
By Dan McGinley,
You work in a place ten years; you see things coming a mile away. “I’m history, “ I told the survey crew chief. “The job
December 2008-January 2009 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Grandpa Cole Ponders Life With Little One
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
I am becoming a grandpa. Such a thing shouldn’t happen to a person as youthful as I. Grandpas are gray-bearded guys who reign from their
He's Got The Personality Of A Spider
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
I am Spider-Man. Personalitywise, anyway. I've never climbed any walls, but mom used to tell me I was driving her up one. I'm not sure
One Finger Short Of Greatness
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Once again, it’s not your fault. According to researchers at the University of Cambridge in England, the length of a man’s ring finger may predict
To The Woman On Her Cell Phone In The Chinese Restaurant
By Lisa Kern,
January 2, 2016
Yesterday was a lucky day for me because I had the good fortune to be seated next to you in the Chinese restaurant where I'd
Oliver's Date
By Jimmy Key,
January 2, 2016
The Date: It happened unexpectedly. Oliver was talking with a group of his classmates about the last lecture when a girl said she needed some
All In A Twitter
By Sue Anna Langenberg,
January 2, 2016
I was among friends the other night when someone brought up the new tech term “twitter.” I took aspirin from my purse, held my jam-packed
Whining in a Winter Wonderland
By Karrie McAllister,
January 2, 2016
It’s just one more reason in a long list entitled “how I know I’m getting old.” Even though I promised myself I would never do
Martha Stewart Has Nothing To Fear
By Katie McCollow,
January 2, 2016
My turn. Finally. After eight years of being a guest in someone else’s home, eight years of pushing food around on a pilgrim-adorned paper plate,
Perfect Hair Day
By Annie B. McKee,
January 2, 2016
It happened on Tuesday evening – if you missed it, well, I’m so sorry, because, gosh knows when it will happen again. Sort of like
The Breakfast Table's Airports
By Ethan Pulliam,
January 2, 2016
Being stuck in an airport or on a plane for twelve hours straight isn’t a curse. It’s a test to see just how easily entertained
Resistance Lingerie
By Laura Snyder,
January 2, 2016
The Law of Gravity ought to be repealed. Yeah, I know it keeps things attached to solid ground so we’re not all flailing fruitlessly in
The Philpott Diet
By Jerrel Swingle,
January 2, 2016
PHILPOTT DIETARY CLINIC Dr. Philip Philpott, MD, Director PROTOCOL: Philpott’s Experimental Diet Plan CASE STUDY NO. 1: Subject: R. S. Gender: Female Age: 35 Height:
What Not To Do On A Snow Day
By Judi Veoukas,
January 2, 2016
I looked at our recent record-breaking snow day from two views. The first featured the pristine forest our house overlooks — well, pristine if you
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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- Entries should be 750 words or less.
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