"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
April-May 2010
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
April-May 2010 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Right to Bear and Date Arms
By Mary Tompsett,
Did you hear about the Korean guy who married a pillow? He joined in holy matrimony with a body pillow imprinted with a female cartoon
Razing Arizona
By Barry Parham,
(Pets. Politics. Aztecs. Angst. Just another week in America.) I heard on the news that there may be as many as 20 million pets in
Hopes and Dreams: The Art of Meaningful Conversation
By Burton Cole,,
“We don’t talk anymore,” she said. “We talk all the time,” I said. “About rashes, doctor appointments and lunch money,” she said. “But when was
How to Organize Your Home Office When Your Baby Is Filed Under "Miscellaneous"
By Margie Finn,
January 2, 2016
The reason that you're not successful in your home-based business is that you're obviously not communicating properly. Not only that -- and I say this
The Wrong Side of the Bed
By Laurie Lichtenstein,
Apparently, long ago I chose to go to sleep on the wrong side of the bed. As a result I often wake up on the
April-May 2010 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Opinion Polls Show Americans No Longer Trust American Public Opinion
By Carlos Arnade,
Political analysts across the nation expressed alarm that a recent Neilsen poll has revealed that 69% of Americans do not trust American public opinion. Analysts
Travel Writing
By David Crawford,
I’ve been meaning to do more travel writing, and not just because I heard you can cadge free trips for doing so. Many great writers
Dad Passes Critical Potty Test
By Jonathan Criswell,
As a general rule, parents need to supply their kids only 5 basic things: food, clothing, shelter, lots of love, and quick access to the
When the Driving Public Is Stuck in Neutral
By Jonathan Criswell,
You win, car in front of me in traffic sporting the decal with the precocious little boy urinating on a rival logo. You win. I
Hallelujah! Free at Last!
By Juliana LeRoy,
Shh, listen! Do you hear dry carpets? I am finally ready to say these words, after a year and a half (possibly more) of working
A Story of Self-Fulfilling Prophesy
By Dorothy Rosby,
If you tell yourself you're no good at math, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s why when my son asks for help with his math
My Random Thoughts...
By Elene Silva,
Don't tell me the morning of, that you have a trip and need a home lunch, just grab the jar of peanut butter, a spoon
Dining for My Art
By Kathleen M. Wooton, M.D.,
You turn on the local news just in time to catch the “Odd Person of the Week” feature. On your screen, larger than life and
Russian Roulette Is Not the Same Without A Gun
By Blake Zurbuchen,
“Russian roulette is not the same without a gun.” – Lady Gaga I guess I really shouldn’t expect much from someone whose name is essentially
April-May 2010 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
A Woman Who Tells You Where To Go
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
My husband has a new lady friend. He shares her with our three sons, who are also sweet on the most recent family acquaintance. They
The Pans of Our Lives
By Kim Swed,
It started innocently enough. I popped into the local kitchen store to check out their tablecloths and place mats. Unknowingly, I found myself heading down
Send in the Rodeo Clowns
By Karla Telega,
A funny thing happened to me on the way to menopause; I became a fan of professional bull riding. As if that weren’t enough, I
Still Working and Witless
By Mary Tompsett,
Attention, all inmates!! The “Pilates for Lifers” class will now hold its annual leotard swap in Cell Block Three! Not you, Bubba. Put down that
Diary of a Woman with Brittle Bones
By Kathy Welch,,
Day 1: Took my first monthly dose of osteoporosis medication as recommended by my doctor. I always obey the medical community when told to take
President Obama Moves to Secure Volcanoes Worldwide
By Carlos Arnade,
World leaders breathed a sigh of relief over the near miss which occurred this past spring but cautioned, that next time, the world may not
The President Announces A Plan To Simplify The U.S. Economy
By Carlos Arnade,
Speaking to students at the University of Michigan, President Obama introduced a plan to make the U.S. economy simpler, easier to use, and less hostage
Drain Oh-Oh
By David Crawford,
“Ah, hello again Mr. Crawford. Right this way, we’ve got your usual table over here. Just relax and we’ll get you taken care of.” “Thanks,
What Is It About Men And Home Depot?
By Kelly Dynes,
What is it about men and Home Depot? My husband, Tom, is there a minimum of three times a week. As he approaches the sliding
Online D.A.T.I.N.G (Disastrous and Traumatic - It’s Not Good)
By Mary Kirchhoff,
As a 7-year veteran of online dating, I have made a lot of observations about dating, men, life and relationships. I had my very first
Grey Matter Management 101
By Lisa Lucke,
Sometimes, you have to kill off the weak to make the robust ones work to their fullest potential. No, I’m not talking about offspring. I’m
To All Dieters: Important Message from The Scale Amnesty Society
By JoAnn McGowan,
Dear Friend of Weighing Instruments, Your Society has done much to prevent violence towards scales. The rate of violent crimes against scales has drop 50%
April-May 2010 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The 2010 Claxton Census
By Deb Claxton,
January 2, 2016
Americans across the country are currently filling out their 2010 Census forms, however, most people probably don’t realize that there is another equally important census
Sleep Talk of Purple Pigs and Peaches Wakes Up the Fun
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Have you ever started awake, looked your partner in the eye and yelled, “Choose the purple one or the pig won’t take the right trail!”
Unlocking Doors and Life’s Mysteries, One Fob Press at a Time
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
He aimed his keyless remote fob at the door and thumbed the ‘‘unlock’’ button. The door wouldn’t open. Annoyed, my buddy ‘‘Hank’’ pointed again and
How to Know Your Neighborhood Is Going to Hell
By Courtney Colwell,
January 2, 2016
When I first moved to my neighborhood, I knew it was something on the edgier side of “up-and-coming”, more like “slowly approaching” or “looking upwards,
Why I Cannot Live Without A Messy Desk
By Glenn H.,
January 2, 2016
“Where is my checkbook? What happened to that phone number I copied last week? What happened to my life insurance policy that I took out
To Tortoise Owners Everywhere
By Neil Hocking,
January 2, 2016
To tortoise owners everywhere, all twelve of you. Have you ever contemplated what you would do if your pride and joy escaped from your garden
The Adventures of Bison
By Jessi Hotakainen,
January 2, 2016
Last week I was taking my Great Dane, Bison, out for a stroll in the local dog park in Jacksonville Beach. In the center of
Patty Kimerer Has Become a Fan of "Hating Facebook"
By Patty Kimerer,
January 2, 2016
I hate Facebook. Seriously. Not kidding - it's ruining my life. Totally. OK, I'm exaggerating. Facebook does not have that much power over me. But
The Best Medicine May Be in the Mailbox
By Vincent O'Keefe,
January 2, 2016
My mailbox cracks me up. Each morning as I walk to the end of my driveway, I look forward to the day’s catch of medical
Bedhead, Bedroom Shoes and A Runaway Bosom
By Joni Pittman,
January 2, 2016
It was bound to happen. For years I have been playing with carpool fire, escaping the humiliating burn that was inevitable to occur. Risk takers,
Fun at the Beach
By Richard Turck,
January 2, 2016
I love going to the beach. There are so many activities to enjoy. You can build sand castles, look for sea shells, go sun bathing,
The Robe
By Thomas Wheeler,
January 2, 2016
I am a state district judge for a medium-sized rural county in West Texas. Being a mud-on-the-boots country boy, I am more comfortable working livestock
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
Like to see your name in print? Love to rant and rave about your favorite topics? Channel that creative energy by entering our humor writing contests!
ENTER HUMORPRESS.COM'S HUMOR WRITING CONTEST!
Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM
- Entries should be 750 words or less.
- $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
- Winners, Finalists/Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions will be published online! Selections also may appear in optional print edition(s) with no book purchase required!
- Entry Fee is only $10, So Don't Miss Out. Enter Today!
- Multiple entries are allowed, including your columns previously published elsewhere. Each entry must include an entry fee.
- Book purchase is optional and is not required for entry.
(Get Book One! Get Book Two! Get Book Three!)