Last week I was taking my Great Dane, Bison, out for a stroll in the local dog park in Jacksonville Beach. In the center of the park, there is a slight drop off that leads to a small body of water, perhaps twenty five yards long. Because Bison is a spry ten month old, he doesn’t go for the typical ‘walk’ around the park, but instead demands to reach speeds that hover on the ‘cardio’ range. Seeing as how I am only twenty four years old myself, I can’t honestly deny him the exercise, even though I would rather be at home on the couch.
This particular evening was beautiful, the sun was setting across the horizon, casting an orange glow through the sky. Bison and I were jogging slow circles, his head held high, my tongue hanging out. Just then I spotted her; the most beautiful woman alive, coming into the park with her Weimaraner.
After that things happened quite rapidly and all at once:
1.) I twisted my neck to see her (yes ladies, we can’t help ourselves) and slowed almost to a standstill.
2.) Bison saw, what must have been, the most enticing squirrel in Florida, running toward a tree.
3.) The woman looked up, perfectly, into my eyes and smiled.
Stop time, stop the sun from sinking, and absolutely stop that squirrel’s bushy tail from bouncing across the leaves. Somewhere a dog barked, a child laughed, and everything was right in the world. Okay, now if you must, press play:
Bison took flight, the length of the leash between us stretched out like a whip, jerking me along with him. Just for the record, I don’t think people should own dogs that they cannot control. So thankfully I, somehow, stayed on my feet and managed to run backwards with Bison for a few feet until I turned around. In which I immediately tripped on a root and slammed into the ground. Bison stood staring down at me, head cocked, like ‘Really? I think I could have gotten that squirrel’. I stood quickly and brushed myself off. Then, like nothing happened, I jogged straight out of the dog park, via the other gate. It’s hard to attract women when your dog is more suave than you are.
Three nights ago I was set up on a blind date, by my co-worker Greg. He had been hounding me about his girlfriend’s sister for weeks, and finally I broke down and agreed. Friday night came around and there I sat, awaiting Marline’s arrival at my favorite Italian restaurant I have to admit that I was nervous, although I had seen a picture, it was my first blind date after all. Marline arrived exactly on time, a pretty blonde with big green eyes, and we hit it off right away. The date was going so well, in fact, that I invited her back to my place for a glass of wine.
Before unlocking the door, I warned her about how large Bison was, but reassured her, he was harmless.
“You didn’t tell me you had a dog!” She exclaimed with a huge smile. When I opened the door Bison came barreling down the hallway toward us and Marline nearly screamed in glee, “OOOH, he is SO handsome!” and then began hugging and kissing Bison. With tall pointy ears, a square snout, and a brindle coat, Bison is quite the ladies man. After about five minutes of affection, we walked into the living room, where I asked her, “Would you like a glass of wine?”
Marline smiled those lovely red lips at me and nodded. In the kitchen I marveled at how well the date was going for a first time encounter between two total strangers. It was great to finally meet someone interesting and beautiful. After uncorking the bottle, I walked back into the living room, where I stopped short. Marline was allowing Bison to lick all up inside of her mouth!
It was mostly disappointing because Bison got to her first; I mean, I knew there was no chance of ME kissing her after that. Needless to say Marline didn’t stay very long; now, what people do with their dog is their business. Marline will make some lucky dog owner very happy one day, but Bison’s not allowed to cuddle on first dates anymore.