"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
April-May 2007
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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April-May 2007 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Dad Lays Trap For Daughter's Heart-Thieving Boyfriend
By Burton Cole,,
My daughter who lives three to five states away – depending on how deeply one is daydreaming when the turnpike exit sneaks up – is
Memorandum
By Joanne Palmer,
Memorandum To: The Body From:The Brain Re: Mind-Body Connection First quarter reports are disappointing. Productivity plummeted. Profitability is flat. Aerobic activity hit a record low.
Stoogettes
By E. Mitchell,
I would like to say a word on behalf of an overlooked minority group, a mysterious, practically unknown subculture of beings who lurk on the
Slacks On A Hot Tin Roof
By Tom Wolferman,
January 2, 2016
Following the style guide of my internal dress code, I can think of only two occasions that call for the wearing of white pants: Spackling
In The News
By Mike Scotchie,
In the news – National Archeologists discover tribe of lost employees In a discovery that is sure to stir renewed debate regarding business ecosystems, archeologists
April-May 2007 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
CSI: Can Someone Intervene?
By Dan Bain,
I recently started a trial separation from my best friend and soul mate – the one with the 25-inch diagonal. No big deal; it happens
Picnic Season Is Good News For Bachelors
By Burton Cole,,
Tis the season to pack picnic dishes. I'm already stocking up on green beans, mushroom soup and french fried onions. For guys who aren't single
Crusting To The Couch
By Cy Creed,
I would have done a better job raising my kids if I'd known they'd be living with me this long. Seriously. You put up with
The NASCAR Strike
By Joseph E.,
It had to happen. The baseball players did it and we lost a season. The football players did it and we had the scrub teams.
Ode To The Handyman
By Sean Ellis,
As I will be turning forty in a few months and death cannot be too far behind I have a renewed interest in religion and
Cleanliness Next To Godliness
By Michelle Evans,
I attended church today, and the mass was related to the “healing of the sick.” Which is how this article came to be, because I
Babies Pose Greatest Threat to Democracy
By Francis Howell,
Academics and citizens from Boston to San Diego have joined to form the Foundation for Reason and all-Encompassing Equality (FREE) -- an organization that claims
Death Of A Celebrity
By Mary Kirchoff,
Memorial services were conducted Friday at Bob’s Garage for a 1984 Chevy Celebrity that died June 11 in Boston, Elizabeth Twp. The car, formerly owned
A Late Night Scooby Snack
By Brad Manzo,
When I was 10-years-old, Scooby Doo was my favorite cartoon. I liked the Flintstones, Bugs, Bunny, Yogi Bear, and others, but somehow Scooby Doo trumped
The Great Wait America
By Cheryl O'Donovan,
We make the trek to the Great America Wait Land, where the heat, crowds and desperation exceed the immigrant surge at Ellis Island. Early on,
Citizen Came
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Responding to charges it was out of touch with real life, and useless as a terrorism-fighting tool, the Immigration and Naturalization Service has redesigned its
April-May 2007 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
"The Bachelor" -- One of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse
By Patty K,
Tax day. There is simply no escaping April 15, is there? Comes every year like clockwork. And, while I’m certain you all filed your returns
Earthquake Preparedness
By Yvonne Minassian,
Our earthquake prepardness container was hastily put together after the big '88 Bay Area quake. It's suppose to have enough food and provisions for a
Knives
By Natalie Olsen,
The guy on the phone said he got my name and unlisted number from Merry, who up until that moment had been a good friend
One Lump Or Two
By Randy Richardson,
"Ladies and gentlemen," the ring announcer droned, "in this corner, weighing in at a slightly pudgy-but-still-respectable-for-his-age 155 pounds, Big Daddy." "And in the other corner,
Poison Control
By Stephanie Rogers,
I was quite clueless when I had my first child, Sylvie. She taught me about my idiocy by swallowing things that could either be harmful
Hey, You
By Lynette Sheffield,
Through the years, I have said many nonsensical statements that, when taken out of context, might sound a bit ridiculous. I have truly asked the
A Ream A Turkey
By Laura Snyder,
My mother is originally from Germany. She has not lived there since she was ten years old, but those first ten years of her life
Mapping The Universe
By Laura Snyder,
It is amazing to me when I get a tiny glimpse of how children must view the world. I got one of these glimpses the
The Toddler Helpline
By Kathleen M. Wooton,
When you you buy a new computer, there is a 24 hour hotline to assist you when your machine malfunctions. After a very stressful morning
Fool At The Pool
By Cora Allen,
Every summer the kids talk me into taking them to the public pool. For them, it’s a fun way to cool off on a hot
Tooth Or Consequences
By Daniel Bain,
Parents, quick! Shield your young kids’ eyes! I’m about to reveal a guilty secret before you’re ready for them to learn it. And I’m not
Making A Good Impression
By Pat Detmer,
Pillow Wrinkles: Sleep long and hard in one position, and impressions of linen folds and embroidery will create a lovely debossed pattern upon your cheek
Bark Of The Town
By Windy Lynn Harris,
As I walked back from the kids’ bus stop this morning I felt someone watching me. I turned to see the little poodle that lives
April-May 2007 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Jack
By Chris Allen, US Army,
January 2, 2016
At a combat outpost in northeastern Afghanistan where donkeys are a valuable source of transportation for goods, one soldier decided to purchase a local donkey
Phil Is No Miser (He Just Wants To Rest In Peace)
By Kenny Blade,
January 2, 2016
Phil ducked behind the old oak next to Lyle Wannaker’s head stone. The picture atop the granite monument of Lyle’s toothless smiling face brought back
Acrobatic Aerobics Do (Several) Hearts Good
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
I read somewhere that riding a bicycle is good for the heart. I didn't know it could get so many hearts pumping all at once.
Shopping For Love In The Green Beans Aisle
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
A single friend complained to me the other day about a disturbing trend: grocery shopping dates. ‘‘Making out right there in front of the Wheat
Don’t Trip While Springing Forward
By Laurie Fabrizio,
January 2, 2016
I can’t sleep. I’ve stared at the ceiling for hours. The fan over our bed has rotated three hundred and sixty three times. Here comes
How to Stalk...Err, Meet Celebrities in New York
By Windy Lynn Harris,
January 2, 2016
After working a long day in Manhattan, my boss/friend/bad influence Maria and I hit the streets with one goal: meet someone famous. Anyone famous. On
Bad Match
By Anita Lanning,
January 2, 2016
One morning my husband and I hopped in the car to leave for our respective places of employment when suddenly a string of expletives issued
Church Lady
By Mary McCarthy,
January 2, 2016
With four children ranging in age from 13 years to 20 months, it is a wonder our family has ever simultaneously seen the inside of
Dead Alumnus
By Tom O'Brien,
January 2, 2016
""University Alumni Office, my name is Penolope Plinth, third p is silent, and how might I help you today,"" said the cheery voice. I was
A Refrigerator Organizes My Life
By Joanne Palmer,
January 2, 2016
It’s hard to forget something you are reminded of 31 times a day. If my child reminded me of something that frequently I’d go berserk.
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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