"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
1st Quarter 2016
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
1st Quarter 2016 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
One Magazine to Rule Them All
By Christopher Hivner,
I was at the grocery store the other day when I saw it: The Special Collector’s Edition of People Magazine’s coverage of the birth of
Mafia Old Folks Home
By Lloyd S,
“‘Ay Carmella, where’s the coffee?” That from Big Dom. “We ain’t got all day to wake up, ya know!” “The dining room don’t open till
Off With Her Hair
By Brandon Hartman, NJ US
Prince and Rapunzel have heard that year one of marriage is the hardest. In which case, Prince cannot wait for year two. Prince is happy
Professional Worrier
By Marc Littman, CA US
April 29, 2016
Since I turned pro, I never worry about myself. I’m too busy worrying for others. That’s how I earn my living. I’m a professional worrier.
Lost and Found (Except Mostly Lost...)
By Leah, NM US
I can’t remember when I began forgetting things, but I first felt the consequences in fifth grade. My teacher (what was her name?) gave out
1st Quarter 2016 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
I Oughta Be in Pictures
By Larry Ryals,
Many of you may have seen the movie Fantastic Voyage which was about the adventures of the crew of a tiny spaceship which was shrunk
You're On Your Own
By Joel Habush,
Yeppers, the die is cast. You’re going out on your own. I hear you. No more “kowtowing to ‘The Man,’”—if you really do talk like
Make Your Crowd Proud
By Joel Habush,
Being dragged to the Big Game? Give yourself a sporting chance by adhering to the following Constant: You don’t have to know the rules of
The Accountant
By Donald Roper,
In 2008, my colleague John, a professional accountant, retired; in other words, John had become a fully depreciated accountant with no remaining useful life. Or
TV Dinners
By Larry Thorne, PA US
So there I am, sitting down to dinner amidst all of the bladder control, abdominal gas problems and gum disease commercials playing on TV during
Performance Enhancers: Not Just for Jocks Anymore
By Leah, NM US
What do Alex Rodriguez, Lance Armstrong, and Louisa May Alcott have in common? Ok, yeah, chiseled calves would be an acceptable answer. What was that?
Sold
By David, OR US
My old Labrador, Scout loves to get drunk. When our plum tree drops fruit, he lets it ferment before eating them for a buzz, or
1st Quarter 2016 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Sky is Falling
By Denise, NJ US
“I WANTED TO BE THE CHICKEN. That’s all I wanted and you stole it from me…I JUST WANTED TO BE THE CHICKEN.” “Umm excuse me?
Dress Up Time
By Jeremy, NY US
I grew up with parents that were not afraid to smack you if you were misbehaving. I survived with minimal deep, emotional scarring. Just ask
Finding Arielle
By Donna, PA US
After buying my first home not too long ago, I decided I was ready for the miracle of motherhood. Initially I considered a dog, but
Plans A-D
By Jen Waldron,
Could someone please talk to pilots? After paying way too much for the free drinks, I am securely buckled in my first class seat. Passengers
How to Grocery Shop with Your Boyfriend
By Hannah Canetti,
Having been single for 22 years of my 21 year-old life, I know a lot about relationships. Naturally, the following conversation is one I find
Prison Report
By Lloyd S,
CENTRAL STATE CORRECTIONAL FACILITY ANNUAL PRISON REPORT Report compiled by: Lloyd Stanley, Warden Population at beginning of year: 12425 Population at end of year: 12311,
Fashion Throughout The Ages (or, My First Sweater Vest)
By Peter Quinn,
Life’s memories are as common as street posts. I marked my progress traveling through life by being a slave to fashion with milestones of brilliance
There Is No Ctrl+Alt+Escape from Alcatraz
By Larry Ryals,
"Road kill on the information superhighway" is the expression. It's used to describe people with little computer experience. I'm one of them, and I’m here
1st Quarter 2016 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
My Pet Peeves: Ten Reasons to Keep Drinking
By J.D. Griffith,
April 29, 2016
Road-hogging bicyclists. The obnoxious cyclists who clog our roads and block tired motorists from getting home after a long day’s work drive me into next
Lies Your Mother Tells You
By Rachel, HI US
April 29, 2016
A mother often finds herself in a position where she must look into the mournful eyes of her little girl and lie to her. My
Athlete's Sock
By David Hanlon, Cardiff GB
April 29, 2016
As I peel the black, sweat-ridden socks from my calloused soles, I hold one, loosely, in each hand: pinch at the tops where the feet
In the South, It's Called Supper, Not Dinner
By J.D. Griffith,
April 29, 2016
Being a bachelor and abhorring restaurant dining, I cook for myself; and I’m a darn good cook and dish washer. American restaurant food is too
A Conversation with Grandpa
By Peter Quinn,
April 29, 2016
I had just gotten home from overseas duty with the armed services when Mom informed me that Grandpa wasn’t doing real well and I needed
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
Like to see your name in print? Love to rant and rave about your favorite topics? Channel that creative energy by entering our humor writing contests!
ENTER HUMORPRESS.COM'S HUMOR WRITING CONTEST!
Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM
- Entries should be 750 words or less.
- $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
- Winners, Finalists/Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions will be published online! Selections also may appear in optional print edition(s) with no book purchase required!
- Entry Fee is only $10, So Don't Miss Out. Enter Today!
- Multiple entries are allowed, including your columns previously published elsewhere. Each entry must include an entry fee.
- Book purchase is optional and is not required for entry.
(Get Book One! Get Book Two! Get Book Three!)