"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
1st-2nd Quarter 2014
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!

Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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1st-2nd Quarter 2014 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)

Heaven, Hell, and a Passing Grade
By Elizabeth Preston,
After coming home from my Catholic high school’s mandatory Mass, I felt as if I was doomed to Hell. Opening my catechism workbook to the

The Unimaginable
By Tarryl Benedetto,
I’d just held my little Stephen for the first time when Dr. Metzger grabbed him from my arms. “There’s something wrong with your baby.” He

Monday No More
By Robert Trettin,
Monday showed up a little bit late for the Days of the Week weekly get together at Sunday’s apartment. His tardiness was intentional, because everyone

Van Gogh Revisited
By Brian McManus,
January 2, 2016
Van Gogh had fallen into his deepest depression since the last episode, which involved his ordering a Western omelet in the nude. He was now

No News Is Good News
By Joel Habush,
ANCHOR: VOICE OVER—AND NOW, HEMLOCK’S CHANNEL FIVE ALIVE AT FIVE EVENING NEWS , WITH ANCHORPERSONS ROD BRINKITE AND KIMBERLY AMBER. CAMERA MOVES IN FOR MEDIUM
1st-2nd Quarter 2014 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

P.E. Teachers
By Tarryl Benedetto,
Vice Principal Hill and P.E. Department Head Logan scribble on their multi-paged interview forms. Jim Brightman, in his crisp suit and red-and-white spackled tie, tries

Driving Me Crazy
By Joel Habush,
(A Play In One Act) EXTRAPOLATIONS FROM OBSERVATIONS OF THE DRIVING BEHAVIOR OF THE NEXT GENERATION. SETTING: THIRTEEN BOYS AND GIRLS, AGES 15 TO 17,

The Jerk Whisperer
By William Schmitt,
I'm here today at Ralph Wilson Stadium in Orchard Park, N.Y.; home of the Buffalo Bills. The jerk's owner Linda has called me to the

Blueprint Blues
By Hope Sunderland,
A do-it-yourself remodeling project is in progress at our house. I use the word “progress” loosely because I suspect that elephants gestate and give birth

It's A Whole New Ballgame
By David Woodside,
It’s that time of year when we teach our youth the critical lessons needed for success in life: 1) adults make the rules, and 2)
1st-2nd Quarter 2014 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

All About Dogs (Or, At Least Some Of The More Noticeable Parts)
By Dan Van Oss,
An attempt at understanding one of our closest friends who also happens to drink out of the toilet. The Nose Science has shown that dog

Invasion of the Middle Aged Body Snatchers
By Tarryl Benedetto,
The sun cast the mansion in an angry crimson light. The wooden steps creaked under the three women’s feet as they approached the door. “Maybe

Pushover for Pests
By Sherri Coner,
Adjusting to life in Florida is like a hazing. Every critter that could possibly take advantage of my nerve system is giving me a run

Prepare To Conquer Next Winter...If You Catch My Drift
By Joel Habush,
Well, you should have been able to catch that drift; it wasn’t going anywhere—it joined with the other snowdrifts, wind and snow blower blown, between

What A Snooze
By Abby Heugel,
There are some ridiculous inventions out there, but someone somewhere had the guts to pitch and promote their new product. And while I’m glad that

Do You Hear What I Hear?
By Carl Megill,
One thing I’ve discovered since moving to Florida from New Jersey; it doesn’t matter what state I’m in, my hearing sucks. That’s why I made

Backside Bling
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
I grew up in an era where cool jeans came outfitted with a tiny red rectangular tag and a number somewhere in the 500s. The

A Minor Diety Speaks
By Peter Quinn,
As a minor god in the hierarchy of mythology, I have been around for a very long time. Just to give you an idea, I

All That I'm Saying
By Louis Ribezzo,
All that I’m saying is my internal swear jar is as full as a Las Vegas slot machine, just after two days of teaching my

Fatherhood
By Louis Ribezzo,
Adulthood had been fairly easy until one day it changed into fatherhood. It went from sexy midnight rendezvous with my wife to midnight escapades of

The Memo
By Lloyd S,
AToday I saw a new memo on the company bulletin board so I did the right thing and read it. My job is part time

Horseback Riding
By Sue Schwartz,
A couple of weeks ago I went horseback riding with my friends. But there is always one person in the group that drives everyone else

No-Fly Zone
By James Sullivan,
Some stories start with a recap of the weather at the time of the incident. A lot of stories deal with a lavish setting or

Northern Transplants
By Kevin Udell,
With a new year upon us, it's good to remember that we will be welcoming some northern transplants that have absolutely no idea what it's
1st-2nd Quarter 2014 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

The Disgusting Truth About Cloth Diapers
By Sarah Cottrell,
January 2, 2016
The other night I spent a whopping 20 minutes dunking cloth diapers in the toilet to clean off the solid left overs of the boujee

GRAINS!
By Samantha Ryce Curreli,
January 2, 2016
I’m one of those lucky people who doesn’t have to worry about her weight – if I even look at a treadmill, I lose ten

Girl Scout Cookies, Spinning, and Redemption
By Wendy D'Alessandro,
January 2, 2016
Spinning. For those of you not familiar with this particular form of exercise, you simply sit on a stationary bike for an entire hour, pedal

Superstitious
By John Gentry,
January 2, 2016
My cousin, Fred is superstitious; He walks not under ladders, And tosses over the shoulder, salt, If spilt, as though it matters. On every thirteenth,

You Get What You Pay For
By Abby Heugel,
January 2, 2016
Although I’m single, I’ve had several long relationships with Ziploc bags I rinse and reuse. You could say that in some circuitous way, my grandma

Five Steps For A Quick Trip Down the Aisle
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
January 2, 2016
As chief dietary consultant and food preparation specialist in my domicile, I am responsible for the procurement of foodstuffs and other assorted provisions to ensure

Warriors Give All For The Team
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
January 2, 2016
The warrior enters the arena prepared for battle, or at least an extensive period of intense physical, mental and vocal workout. She has marched to

FedEx Experience: Do It Yourself
By Shane Stay,
January 2, 2016
Everywhere you go today, for a service, they’re trying to show you how to do their job. I ask the man at FedEx to copy

A Nice Day For A Run
By James Sullivan,
January 2, 2016
It was a sunny and warm New England Sunday in October, warm enough for summer running gear. After poking my head out the front door

Barack's Mistake
By Allison Sulouff,
January 2, 2016
It was always cold in the White House during the winter months. Barack Obama sat in the Oval Office, contemplating what to do. He had

Letting Go
By John Walters,
January 2, 2016
Leaving a job to which you devoted 35 years. Farewell to colleagues who, in an earlier, happier time you thought of as family; you were

The Beast In The Basement
By Dale W.,
January 2, 2016
In the deepest, darkest, recesses of my home sits the most intimidating beast known to humanity. Even as I think about it now, my thighs

When Did Beer Become Wine?
By Chris Weilert,
January 2, 2016
Now there are such things as beer snobs. I hate beer snobs. When did “free and cold” get replaced as everybody’s favorite beer? Is there

Afraid To Be Naked
By Linda L. Zern,
January 2, 2016
Naked and Afraid is a show. It’s a television show that attempts to demonstrate that human beings when nude are hopelessly hopeless. The show’s creators
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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