Some stories start with a recap of the weather at the time of the incident. A lot of stories deal with a lavish setting or may describe some well endowed woman or some tall blonde hunk of masculinity. You don’t have to worry about visualizing scenes like that here, because my story takes place in a men’s room.
Fifty percent of the earth’s population doesn’t see the inside of a men’s room very often. This particular men’s room is located at my place of employment. I usually leave the light off when I go in there for a quick pee because the place is a dump, pardon my pun.
I related this story in an oral manner to a fellow employee and he found it amusing so I decided to put it down on paper. It is your choice whether to continue or not. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
It was the end of the work week. One thing I always enjoy is peeing on company time. I had time for one last pee before punch out time so in I went. Usually, when I pee here I leave the light off because I know where everything is but I only had a moment so I skipped the switch which was in the lighted position.
I started doing the preliminary procedures. For those innocent female women I will elaborate on my technique a little. Some men whistle, some men sing and some men spit. I do none of these. I just watch the pee hit the urinal and shake it when I’m done.
Some urinals have little drain holes in the drain area. I have used this urinal often, so you shouldn’t be surprised to know that I have the holes counted. There is only one hole that matters in this story
About half way through the pee I noticed a change in this urinal hole. There was a shadow change. The shadow flickered and the hole seemed to plug up as I peed. I came to realize that a dark solid shape was forcing itself out of the hole. Finally, there was a little popping sound and I was shocked to see a fly pop out of the little tiny urinal hole.
My mind started working. This fly was bathing itself in my urine. This fly was peed off if you’ll pardon another pun. Instead of quietly leaving the room the fly started circling around my private part. He was getting very close. There are two things I don’t like getting close to my private part, flies and things with stingers. This fly was circling and I was trying to finish my pee and leave the premises. I could have used some voluntary muscle action and finished at half pee but at my age I don’t like to stop a pee once it starts for fear of not being able to start it again afterwards. I have no scientific basis for this; it’s just the way I am.
As I pee in circles, trying to keep the circles small enough so as not to leave the urinal, the fly circled closer and closer. I didn’t consider trying to hit the fly with the stream because the fly seemed to like it. I was just trying to finish a pee naturally. The fly started to enlarge his circles, coming up to about chest level as I was making smaller circles. I backed away. The fly started to make lunging motions at my face.
The fly could have just left. I could have just left. The final scene was of a fly, dripping urine, zeroing in on my privates. Suddenly the fly changes course and makes a darting motion to my face. It is becoming obvious to me that this fly has some facial contact in mind. Obviously, this living container of bubonic plague and assorted fecal matter is planning to plant a wet one on my face. The fly was heading for my lips but a sudden turn of my face changed the point of contact to my left cheek. I could hear a smacking sound as this urine laden fly connected with skin. The kiss was over and the fly left the room.
The thing on my mind as I made sure everything was back in the proper place was that hopefully the fly was a female. The only uplifting part of this story is that I got to wash my face on overtime.