Monday showed up a little bit late for the Days of the Week weekly get together at Sunday’s apartment. His tardiness was intentional, because everyone always accused Monday of arriving too early, even though he was always exactly on time. He knocked on the door and waited. He could hear the rest of the group inside making jokes at his expense.
“Why do I hang out with these guys?” thought Monday with a sigh.
Friday opened the door, still laughing from one of Saturday’s jokes, and immediately offered Monday a beer.
“I’m good, thanks. It’s my day tomorrow, so I probably shouldn’t drink.”
“Figures,” muttered Friday under his alcohol-scented breath.
Monday went into the living room where everyone was seated. They all quietly watched him as he entered and sat down on the couch next to Tuesday. Monday sensed an awkward tension in the room.
“So–how’s everyone doing?” he asked to fill the silence.
“Monday, we need to talk to you,” said Sunday who was viewed as the leader of the Days of the Week. Everyone loved his day and wished it were longer, partly because the end of Sunday meant the beginning of Monday. “I’m just going to be straightforward with you. We can’t have you as part of our group anymore. None of us wanted it to come to this, but this is what must be. I’m sorry.”
Friday and Saturday gave each other a look as if to say, “it’s about damn time it came to this.”
Monday looked around at each of them, perplexed. “What do you mean? You’re just kicking me out of the Days of the Week?”
“Look, Monday, we’re forced to make this decision. You are internationally disliked. People reserve a distinct, negative tone of voice just for when they say your name. I mean, you are likened to a sickness. Don’t act like this is some big surprise. We just can’t have you bringing us and everyone else down any longer, ” stated Sunday frankly.
“It’s for the best,” added Wednesday condescendingly.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” said Thursday matching Wednesday’s tone.
Friday and Saturday just sat there with stupid grins on their faces. Tuesday remained silent.
Monday took a minute to collect his thoughts. He had actually been waiting a long time for the right moment to speak his mind on this subject. Now he was being confronted with that moment. He began with a short chuckle and a shake of the head, and then he delivered his speech.
“I bring everyone down? Really? It might surprise you to learn that I actually am surprised, Sunday. I’m surprised that you don’t realize how absurd that statement is, how backwards your judgment is. I’m not the one bringing people down; humanity does that to itself. People allow their mood and the whole quality of their day to be predetermined by me, by a day, by a word. They don’t understand that they can govern their own attitudes, that they are in control of their outlook. I mean why choose petulance? Why choose pessimism? Pessimism is easy! It’s convenient to have me as this fixed reason to complain every week, as this thing on which to place blame for every petty little problem. And you know what I don’t understand? Why aren’t we, the Days of the Week, treated as equals? Better yet, we should be treated as if we are irrelevant. Each day should be regarded the same, as a new 24 hour period of possibility, to be entered with enthusiasm and positivity. Maybe then people will stop “living for the weekend” and start living.”
There was a long, silent pause while everyone sat still and contemplated Monday’s words. Then suddenly the reverie ended.
“You suck, man, honestly,” said Saturday.
“You really ruin everything,” Friday chimed in.
“Guys, c’mon,” Sunday tried to interject, but pretty soon the other Days of the Week were loudly hurling invectives at Monday as if one voice. All except Tuesday, who had always been closest to Monday. As the volume in the room seemed to reach its peak, Tuesday shouted, “ENOUGH!” The room went quiet again. Tuesday looked surprised at his own assertiveness. “Monday doesn’t deserve this,” he stated rather timidly.
“Who are you to talk, Tuesday? You’re just a bad sequel to Monday,” said Thursday.
Tuesday lunged at Thursday, but Wednesday got in between them before anything could happen. Everyone sat back down after the brief commotion.
“Monday, this decision is final. I think you should leave now,” said Sunday regaining control over the scene.
Monday had a look of self-assurance on his face as he got up to leave. He gave Tuesday a pat on the back as he quietly left the living room and walked out the door. After that, he disappeared. Not one of the Days of the Week ever saw him again.
With no more Monday, Sunday extended his day by 24 hours, just like everyone had always wanted. No one really seemed to mind that Tuesday signaled the end of the weekend now, since the extra Sunday was so nice. Monday was gone, and everyone was much happier without him, because, let’s face it, that guy was the worst.