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So, who are all the brainiacs who decided to get rid of Pluto? Frankly, I think they’re making a big mistake. First of all, I’m pretty sure it’s the only planet named after a Disney character, which is cool. And let’s not forget that Pluto was by far our cutest planet. Just like … [Read more...]
Maybe I waited too long to get started. I don’t know where the time went. It seems like only yesterday I was an incredible physical specimen. A Greek god. But somewhere between “Welcome Back Kotter” and “Boston Public” the pecs went to pot. When Jimmy Carter was in the White … [Read more...]
On a recent vacation, I pondered the warning sign posted as I crossed a state border: “Speed limit enforced by aircraft.” Does that message sound harsh? Maybe it’s the word nerd in me, but that term “enforced” just seems wrong. They monitor vehicular speed from the air, but how … [Read more...]
“Please, Baby. Please eat.” I droned to her tiny, flailing body. But, it was no use. What is wrong with me? I thought, beginning to panic myself. No matter what I tried, my perfect new baby found by breasts absolutely loathsome. Glancing down at the grotesquely engorged lumps … [Read more...]
“Honey,” my husband said one morning, “The scale is broken. It says I weigh three pounds more than I should.” I walked into our bathroom and stepped on the scale. “You’re right!” I gasped. “I’m five pounds over!” I drove to the store and bought a new scale. I hopped on first … [Read more...]