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There is only one way to be born, but, as I have learned over the years, there are thousands upon thousands of ways to die. When, I was six years old, even before I had figured out how people were born, I knew one way to die: don’t eat your vegetables. At least that’s what my … [Read more...]
An endless national obsession continues to pervade our culture. That’s right, I’m talking about the unremitting influence of gratuitous socks and graphic violets. Well, I live with big-time violets everyday. African violets. And frankly, I don’t see how violets, African or … [Read more...]
I have recently heard of a new product hoping to cash in on the $50 billion that we spend on pets each year. By we, I mean the entire country, not just my wife and I; although we are responsible for a sizable chunk of that. It is called - and I’m not kidding - Bowser Beer. Now, … [Read more...]
I am Chris Liveru^ux;;9*1ea-ux. Don’t try to pronounce it. It’s Belgian and can’t be spoken in English without special tongue prosthetics. Call me Chris Liver. It was a place and time only solitary men and evanescent dreams exist; 3:15 a.m. in Peoria, Illinois. I was sitting … [Read more...]
With the passing of the dictator Kim Jong Il, the world lost one of the greatest golfers ever to play the game. In 1994 he played the Pyongyang course in North Korea and shot the amazing score of 34, 38 under par, on the 7700 yard golf course which is longer than any PGA … [Read more...]