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Single creatures usually live lean, which means no dishwasher other than our bare hands. We are often pitied and sometimes mocked (well, maybe that’s just me and for other reasons). But I have a system for washing dishes by hand, and I want to share it with those of you who are … [Read more...]
Hey Mel. Is that your head, or were you attacked by parasitic alien honeydew melons with a high-gloss finish?" When I was a kid, I enjoyed Buddy's attacks on Mel on The Dick Van Dyke Show. My carefree laughter at poor bald Mel clearly demonstrated that I was blissfully ignorant … [Read more...]
Sneezing is the most expressive of the body’s involuntary functions. Make sure yours are extra special. Upon realizing that sternutation is imminent, today’s fashionable sneezer will pause in conversation and raise their eyebrows. This serves as a warning to bartenders and other … [Read more...]
I have Jew Tummy. That’s right, Jew Tummy. It’s caused from thousands of years of Jews falling in love and having children. I am one of those children. I booked a colonoscopy because along with bloating and cramping, symptoms of Jew Tummy include crippling paranoia and rampant … [Read more...]
If you haven’t heard, asphyxiation and foot binding aren’t just for waterboarding anymore. Water torture has a frozen counterpart and it’s called snowboarding. Snowboarding is a test of oxygen deprivation. Specifically, it tests whether a person can survive the Colorado Rockies … [Read more...]