"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
February-March 2011
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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February-March 2011 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
The Day of Rest
By Chet Haase,
God came in to the office one day. He preferred working remotely and hadn’t been at headquarters in a very long time. The place was
The Wax Museum
By E. Mitchell,
Whatever happened to Baby Jane is starting to happen to me. I’m not talking about serving up parakeets on a platter (not yet), like Bette
Summer Daze
By David Crawford,
When we go to the beach, I really get into it. I close my eyes and, listening to the waves crashing to shore, I’m transported
Pounding It Out With The Machines
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Shades of John Henry! Not satisfied with beating chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, now an IBM computer has whipped not one, but TWO champs
The Abominable Condiment
By Ryan Ferris,
I loathe condiments. All of them. Yep, even ketchup. Why? Partly because they’re repulsive. But mainly because they’re just plain wrong—psychologically wrong, environmentally wrong, even
February-March 2011 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
New Breakthrough: Anti-Scientists Discover The Existence Of Matter
By Carlos Arnade,
One month after Geneva based scientists announced new empirical evidence for the existence of antimatter, a group of American anti-scientists claim they had discovered the
Pavlov’s Dogs Never Smelled So Good
By Burton Cole,,
I, for one, think 13-year-old candle maker Hart Main aced his rite of passage into manhood. I also think his brilliant contributions will be craftily
Swan or Ram’s Behind -– Getting to the End of the Matter
By Burton Cole,,
Science has some good news for all us Ugly Ducklings – the bottom line is that we’re not as far from perfection as we may
I Wish This Essay Was Worth a Billion Dollars
By Pete Lopez,
My personal stance is that wishing, hoping or sacrificing a live chicken is irrelevant to swaying an outcome in any favor. I am no different
How to Awesomefy Your Doppelganger
By Barry Parham,
(If you're time-traveling, can you still be late?) Once upon a time, if you were shopping for weird stuff, you turned to the newspaper and
The Zodiac Buzz-Killer
By Barry Parham,
(The effects of salad dressing on the last 20,000 years) In case you haven't heard, you're not you anymore. Nobody is who they were anymore,
The Refrigerator Chronicles: Shelf Wars
By Lauren Salkin,
The last time we peeked inside the refrigerator the light was off and a coup de food was underway. The cheese, yogurt, and luncheon meat
February-March 2011 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
How the South Does Death
By Rachel T,
Once upon a time, someone died. Not only did that person die, but also they died in the South. Across town, nine church ladies are
Honesty Will Kill a Relationship
By Cindy Argiento,
As I watched her walk by our table I said to my husband, “Get a look at her outfit. It looks like an artist palette
Carlos Arnade
By Carlos Arnade,
Young Americans Not Keeping Up With the Competition. The Baby boom generation continues to demonstrate that it has not lost its ability to kick up
Let the Feathers Fly
By Neil Friesner,
Let’s face it - Reality TV is running out of ideas. What’s next: “World’s Biggest Celebrity Nanny Mud Wrestling With Octomom in Timbuktu”? A change
Re-Recycling
By Joel Habush,
If I were doing standup, I’d start this out with “What’s the deal with recycling?” Well, I’m not doing standup, because of my sedentary nature...
The 4 Categories of Movie Previews
By Pete Lopez,
When watching television, it’s common to see advertisements for upcoming movies. The intention is to persuade you to put on some pants and head to
Cosmo Quiz For Men
By Carl Megill,
At the risk of stepping on anyone’s toes, I must say that I admire Cosmopolitan magazine. However, one of the things I don’t like about
True Marital Romance is a Gas
By Lisa Smith Molinari,
One busy night after the kids had gone to bed, I settled into my well-worn spot on the sofa for some mind-numbing television. “Can you
The Test
By Burwell Stark,
Due to the economy, I was forced to look for part-time employment. This proved to be more difficult than I first imagined because, at least
Inflated Travel Tales
By Mary Tompsett,
Life was so simple when we were young. Not just a few years ago, or even back in our childhood. I mean when we were
February-March 2011 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Morgue Story
By Marly Allen,
January 2, 2016
As a young Air Force cop, I was working hospital security one night when I got called to the emergency room to help two male
I Hate My Husband's Chewed Gum
By Susan Antony,
January 2, 2016
I need to vent. Since I married my husband and part-time nemesis twelve long years ago, I have frequently found his chewed gum stuck in
The Hammy
By Dan Burt,
January 2, 2016
This weekend is the annual Burt family ham decorating and sculpting contest, otherwise known as The Hammy. I don't like to brag, but I won
Cherchez la Maison! (or House Hunters International)
By Cy Creed,
January 2, 2016
Upon deciding they had way too much money and life in their English mansion was getting monotonous, Brits Peter and Constance decided to move to
Me vs. Online Dating
By Matt D.,
January 2, 2016
Being a man in his early 20’s who has had his share of difficulties seducing the ladies, turning to online dating seemed like a natural
Little Dog’s Big Appetite!
By Jeannette George,
January 2, 2016
I can still remember the first time I saw a dog kennel in a shopping center. I didn’t know cats and dogs were purchased from
Break-Up Hair
By Siobhan Graham,
January 2, 2016
This is a shout-out to the “break-up” hair! I bet you’re sitting there thinking to yourself, what is this mysterious break-up hair she is speaking
Locked In My FreeCell
By Tom Harris,
January 2, 2016
I'm beginning to feel like a mad scientist. Not the mad scientist in the middle of the movie when he has been overtaken by his
The Sudden Urge
By Tom Harris,
January 2, 2016
A half mile beyond the rest area I had opted not to stop at, the smoothly flowing traffic that was sweeping me along found itself
The Slang Gods Have Spoken
By Virginia Jacobson,
January 2, 2016
The written language is the benchmark of whether a civilization is considered to be intelligent or not. If archeologists can’t find a written record left
Phraseology
By Tripp Maxwell,
January 2, 2016
Here are some phrases commonly used by people that often mean something entirely different: 1. I hate to tell you I told you so. Real
Happiness Planning
By Debbie Simorte,
January 2, 2016
My friend Kelly once found herself so overloaded with activities and all the usual stuff – work, children, volunteering, kitchen gadget parties – that she
They Walk Among Us
By Karla Telega,
January 2, 2016
This is to document my year working deep cover in the notorious band of hooligans and scofflaws known as the Red Hat Society. The facts
M-m-manatee at the Door
By Mary Tompsett,
January 2, 2016
I fell hard, and fast. Okay, so the relationship hasn’t been a lasting soul-mate love. But, man oh man, what a “melt your toenails” affair!
Dog (Door) Bites Man
By George Waters,
January 2, 2016
It began, as so many things in life do, with the dog. He has been with us for three years, roughly 1,000 days, and in
Just A Name
By Fiona Young-Brown,
January 2, 2016
Growing up in a coastal town in southern England, I lived opposite two elderly ladies with delightfully Beatrix Potter-esque names: Mrs. Woodcock and Mrs. Titmouse.
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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