One month after Geneva based scientists announced new empirical evidence for the existence of antimatter, a group of American anti-scientists claim they had discovered the existence of matter.
The anti-science group, comprising a poet, an unemployed high-school dropout, and three members of the U.S. Congress, were engaged in a heated political debate, inside a Washington D.C. bar, when a three pound brick fell from the ceiling and smashed two bottles of the beer.
The poet jumped back and shouted: “Oh my God, a chunk of matter just fell out of the universe”.
The high school dropout quickly admitted he lacked the rhyme and reason to dispute the poet’s statement. And he insisted none of it was his fault.
The three members of Congress expressed skepticism that one single falling brick could determine whether the universe contains hard matter.
However, when a second brick fell and hit Congressman Harold Swank of Georgia on the head, his colleagues quickly jumped back, revealing, that, to them, matter exists.
The jumping Congressmen, James Watson of Tennessee and Jeffery Stanson of South Carolina, told reporters that any personal leap from “faith-to-science” was limited to the matter at hand. Or at their feet. The two Congressmen said that their behavior, in no way, indicates that they believe in global warming, Darwinian evolution, or ever trusted a word uttered, or sighed, by Al Gore.
Congressmen Watson of Tennessee:
“Yes, the two bar-brick experiment shows the universe contains hard protons of matter. But, even so, Darwin was wrong when he declared that elected officials were descended from the monkeys. Just like Al Gore is wrong about carbon gas and bull flatulence turning the State of Texas into a big barbecue pit.”
Scientists say that the anti-scientist discovery of matter is significant since it coincides with the recent breakthrough by Geneva based scientists in creating and storing anti-matter.
Physicists, in particular, argue that universal laws of symmetry may force the discovery of anti-matter by scientists to be balanced by the discovery of matter by anti-scientists.
That is, progress in science must be balanced by regress elsewhere to insure that the aggregate level of human intelligence is conserved.
University of Wisconsin physics professor Dr. Thad Yorkle-torp explained:
“If humans are to stay human, we can’t get too much ahead of the game. As knowledge increases, so will ignorance. In the words of Dickens, it will always be the best of times and the worst of times.
At least that’s how it works for me with women.”
Writer James Ames James disagreed by posting the following comment on the website “Writers Without Work”:
“I disagree. We know when matter and anti-matter come in contact; they annihilate one another. But not all the matter has been annihilated. The universe contains falling bar-bricks and unemployed high school dropouts.
The mere existence of this matter proves there’s a surplus of matter over antimatter. Therefore, the universe is not balanced or symmetric.”
“Yes, and there are members of Congress who deny the existence of global warming.
This means if scientists and anti-scientists come into contact with one another, they too will annihilate one another.
Yet, we see a surplus of anti-scientists, in politics, on TV, in the public schools, and at Sarah Palin gatherings.
Therefore, the universe contains a surplus of anti-scientists over scientists. This will balance the surplus of matter over anti-matter.”
“But, when a scientist comes into contact with anti-matter, they store the anti-matter, write ten unreadable papers about it, and generate three anti-scientists in the process.”
“Not until the Georgia Congressman ‘wakes up’ will we truly know what happens when an anti-scientist comes into contact with matter.”
—–Congressman Swank Puts the Matter to Rest——
Medical Doctors quickly used the James-Ames-James comment to jolt Congressman Harold Swank of Georgia awake.
Holding his right hand over his scalp, Representative Swank said that the top his head felt like it was descended from an ape.
The Congressman then said he would like to invite Dr. Yorkle-torp to the same bar to discuss what happens when a brick of the anti-matter falls out its storage crate and hits a CERN scientist on the head.
The Congressman then stated the two bar-brick experiment only had convinced him of one thing:
“If that unemployed high school dropout we were arguing with ever comes into contact with a real job; the job and the drop-out, sure- as-fire, will annihilate one another.”