"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
February-March 2007
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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February-March 2007 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Not At Home At The Home Depot
By Chuck McKay,
Every time I walk into the Home Depot, I wonder who else is as clueless as me, and who else might actually know something about
Confessions Of A House-Sitter Who Won't Be Returning
By Burton Cole,,
Dear Daryl and Marilyn: I would like to thank you for trusting me enough to house-sit for you while you were away. I would like
Spring Forward, Fall Over
By Tom Wolferman,
I’m not sure if I threw my back out. After this past winter, I don’t have the strength to throw out anything. During the last
The Irony Of Physics
By E. Mitchell,
January 2, 2016
For those unfamiliar with television physics, the hardest thing in the world to do is start a fire. Popular survival themed shows regularly round up
The Fat Fairy Strikes Again
By Joanne Palmer,
The Fat Fairy flew in last night. She flits into my bedroom, sparkly wings creating the tiniest breeze. She wore a rhinestone-encrusted cape, pink tights
February-March 2007 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Last Dance For The Common Man
By Kenny Blade,
He’s back! Stallone has decided to resuurect the career of boxing's answer to Hoffman's Rainman. Forget the fact that Rocky Balboa is now older than
An Issue Of Disappearing Swimsuits
By Mary Bufe,
People work from home for all sorts of reasons. Some like wearing their pajamas to work. Others wish to avoid office politics. I have a
Employee Evaluation
By Michele Evans,
At some point during your work year there comes a time when the annual “evaluation of work performance” takes place. Which is basically, when management
Office Supply Man
By Laurie Fabrizio,
Are your files in disarray, recipe cards dog- eared and the magazine articles you clipped, strewn everywhere? There’s no need to fear, “Office Supply Man”
The Spill Becomes "The Blob"
By Cheryl O'Donovan,
Always, the Lake Superior of spills happens when I'm driving at 70 MPH on an expressway with two screaming children and searching for a pinhead
Countdown To Departure
By Joanne Palmer,
9:00 p.m. I’m caulking the bathtub. I’m caulking the bathtub because I’m leaving on a trip. I’m caulking the bathtub because if the plane goes
Voter Tuneout
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Election officials have unveiled a new proposal for ensuring fair U.S. voting protocols in 2008. The recommended program was developed by 14 year-old Kelly Ashley.
Chinese Chicken Flu
By Laura Snyder,
I’ve been sick the last few days. This is considered a blessing in disguise for the rest of my family because I tend to let
Cut Mom (Me) A Friggin' Break
By Kathleen M. Wooton, M.D.,
On the second Sunday of May, children from all over the mighty U. S. of A. honor Mom with gifts of cards, flowers, and meals
February-March 2007 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
You Have A Small Club
By Lily Q.,
Any sport played in pleated pants is no sport at all. Dating all the way back to the creation of the game in Scotland (I
Teeny-Tiny Technology
By Deirdre Reilly,
My husband and I finally got a tiny electrical device capable of playing music that fits in your pocket — also known by the American
Fat Bottom Girl
By Kim Sheram,
I’m starting a diet and exercise regime, regime being the operative word. My maniacal trainer, in addition to putting me through a training session only
Native American Blonde
By Lisa Spence,
I’m told by my family that I’m one-eighth Native American Indian. I have to live up to my roots. This time it’s a different set
The Beer-Throwing Fridge
By Rich Van Saders,
It's late in the 4th quarter. Your team is driving but they are out of time-outs and need a touchdown to win. The quarterback rushes
Embrace The Winds Of Change
By Kathleen M. Wooton, M.D.,
My husband has a passionate crush on a hybrid car he test-drove on his birthday. The engine and battery are bright and shiny (and thus
Figuring The Future Is A Remote Chance
By Burton Cole,,
Have you considered the worldwide havoc that would be wreaked when remote controls go bad? We could end up watching shows we never meant see,
Shopping Carts... Devil's Spawn
By Laurie Fabrizio,
I hate grocery shopping. That monotonous weekly excursion is more annoying than suffering from “numb buns” during a cross country trip. Trudging through the winter
Born To Be Wild... And Self-Conscious
By Cathy Hamilton,
I am standing in the middle of a scooter store, staring at the back of a sexy little motorized bike called the Piaggio. I recently
Waddle
By Carol MacAllister,
This past year, all the photographs that have been taken of me forced the obvious conclusion that my face is slipping off my head. That
Traveling At The Speed Of Kid
By Karrie McAllister,
I realize it’s generally frowned upon to drag children through airports while mumbling profanities at your husband. But keep in mind that he is walking
Bifocals, Menopause, Death
By Victoria Milillo,
Today I received a reminder that I am due for an eye exam. I have been dreading this moment. At my last eye exam, I
Lids
By Natalie Olsen,
When Adrien Arpel's book How To Look Ten Years Younger came out in the 1980s, my teenage son rolled his eyes and asked, "Who the
February-March 2007 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Great Remote Control Hunt
By Brian Thompson,
January 2, 2016
It has been safari time at my house recently. I’ve become a hunter — a prowling, tracking, stalking predator who goes on nightly searches for
J Without PB Isn't A-OK
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Waving a rubber mouse at a charging elephant. Leaping off a barn roof while flapping feather dusters. Soothing Simon Cowell with a little ditty. All
Too Old For Meatball Shots
By Cy Creed,
January 2, 2016
I turn fu-fu-FIFTY next month. I know this because a) I've begun to receive mail from the AARP, b) clerks at stores have begun asking
Man With The Beat In The Driver's Seat
By Ivy Eisenberg,
January 2, 2016
The most irritating thing about the man in my driver’s seat is not that he won’t ask for directions. It’s that he won’t ask for
A Clock, Sort Of
By Cathy C. Hall,,
January 2, 2016
"This past Christmas, my youngest son gave me a clock, sort of. In the sense that it tells the time, I suppose you could classify
If You Want To Know The Truth...
By Mary Johnson,
January 2, 2016
I have reared my children to critique my appearance to ensure that I never leave the house looking unkempt, or heaven forbid, frumpy! Every morning
Fast Facts On Life And The Fiscally Challenged
By Mary Kirchhoff,
January 2, 2016
People have weird attitudes about money. I mean, none of us really wants to admit we don't have any. We certainly don't want to admit
Bad, Bad Boys
By Julie Kuhns,
January 2, 2016
There is just something about boys that leaves me flabbergasted. It has to do with the fact that when I am exposed to them (in
And The Oscar Goes To...
By Juliana LeRoy,
January 2, 2016
I am the luckiest mom on earth. My kids are cute, smart, funny, and highly entertaining. They do stuff and I think, I couldn’t have
The Happy Wife Formula
By Victoria Milillo,
January 2, 2016
Although I write about my husband and his many hilarious ways of reacting and doing things, I do love and appreciate him. I know he
Love Is Knowing When To Call It Quits
By Anne Palumbo,
January 2, 2016
I hope this isn’t too personal but… I’ve developed an unusual attachment to something and don’t know how to break it off. My husband is
From Crib To Cubicle
By Randy Richardson,
January 2, 2016
My son is fast approaching that dreaded age of two. The “terrible twos” -– known to strike fear into the hearts of all parents –-
Dear Cell Phone:
By Laura Snyder,
January 2, 2016
Dear Cell Phone, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to our relationship lately and I’ve realized that I’m not getting as much satisfaction from
Life In The Library Snot What It Seems
By Ken Stark,
January 2, 2016
The other day I saw one of our many prized and beloved university students pick his nose and eat it at a computer terminal in
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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