"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
DEC. 2011 / JAN. 2012
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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DEC. 2011 / JAN. 2012 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
A Men’s Comprehensive Guide To How Love Evolved
By Matt Wisdom,
The history of love has long been a mystery. How does it work? Where does it come from? And why does it happen to good
Beware the Typo on Craigslust
By Mary Tompsett,
Years ago I had a hip replacement, and I liked the scar so damn much that I recently did the other one. Luckily, I’m finally
Introducing the ExtraArm Implant!
By Pete Ballard,
How many times has this happened to you? You're standing at a crowded cocktail party. You have a drink in one hand, and an appetizer
Men and the Lost Art of Finding Things
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
The woman slammed the office phone, looked to the heavens and screamed: "Why can't men find things?" I dove beneath my desk, scooted behind the
XY & Zs
By Neal Wooten,
The air conditioning was on the fritz as the conference room became very warm, making the older man forget why he had kept his jacket
DEC. 2011 / JAN. 2012 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
ASS-inine
By Patty Clark,
It’s scary becoming suddenly senior. Especially when you hear those words, “Time for a colonoscopy.” It’s bad enough going to the dentist for crowns and
Grumpy Old Men Forget To Mind Manners
By Burton Cole,,
Of all the genders of the human species, only one is rated most likely to develop "mild cognitive impairment'' as it ages. Oh, wipe those
The Case of “The” Missing Articles
By Joel Habushq,
It was a bleak Monday morning. So, as required by the Private Eye Union (PEU), I was nursing a hangover. Then, SHE walked in without
Enter-Info-Tainment-Palooza-Aganza
By Christopher Hivner,
The Entertainment Report Stu Hazzard reporting for the Moon County News Nerds We start with music today as Vancouver rockers Chad and the Chumbuckets release
Strengths and Weaknesses
By Pete Lopez,
There are billions of people in this world but I guarantee that none of them are perfect. Everyone has places they shine, but nobody is
NFL Players Concerned About Carpal Tunnel Among Neurologists
By Bob Stewart,
A growing number of our nation’s neurologists are being diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. Players from the NFL are concerned. Carpal Tunnel is a debilitating
The Heart of Valentine's Day
By Carl Megill,
Before you know it, Valentine’s Day will be here. A time of love. A time of romance. A time of enormous profits for flower shops,
My Art
By Jared Scherer,
It has been said that the most important thing in art is the frame, either physically or figuratively, because without it you wouldn’t know what
DEC. 2011 / JAN. 2012 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Effigy
By Linda Zern,
All entrepreneurs know that the formula for financial success is to “see a need, fill the need,” and by financial success I mean the making
Searching for the Higgs “God” Particle, A CERN Physicist Claims to Have Found Jesus
By Carlos Arnade,
For eighteen anxious months CERN super collider scientists have been racing ATOMS around a circular track at close to the speed of light in order
There's Gold In That Thar Cat Box
By Jeff Brown,
"My mission is to create a world where we can live in harmony with nature.” -- Jane Goodall "My mission is to get the litter
Cooking and Cleaning on the Run: Recipe for Potluck Success
By Burton Cole,,
Drat! To get to the potluck supper on time, you have to be out the door in 20 minutes, and you've yet to start a
Visiting: Then and A Little Advice For Now
By D. Michael Craft,
SPIT BATH! On the way to Aunt Betty’s two things always happened: All the kids got a spit bath from mom, and dad read the
How to Sneeze
By David Crawford,
Sneezing is the most expressive of the body’s involuntary functions. Make sure yours are extra special. Upon realizing that sternutation is imminent, today’s fashionable sneezer
Enraptured...
By Scott Mahler,
I saw a bumper sticker on a van recently that said “In case of the Rapture, car’s yours.” Trying not to dwell on the missing
The Socialization of Collectiveness
By Paul Molyneux,
Collective nouns have long been a source of literary interest. We’re all familiar with a herd of cows, a school of fish and a flock
A Thoughtful Christmas Gift From Dad
By John Steward,
It was Christmas morning; my father was holding my trousers while he imitated a barber and made snipping noises with scissors. Even though they were
Why Snowboarding’s Not So Gnarly
By Lisa Tognola,
If you haven’t heard, asphyxiation and foot binding aren’t just for waterboarding anymore. Water torture has a frozen counterpart and it’s called snowboarding. Snowboarding is
Woman On A Gurney
By Ameila Wasserman,
I have Jew Tummy. That’s right, Jew Tummy. It’s caused from thousands of years of Jews falling in love and having children. I am one
DEC. 2011 / JAN. 2012 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Help! I Have Been Captured By Aliens
By Carlos Arnade,
January 2, 2016
Yes, I have been captured by a group of insulin-producing human aliens, who have forced me to join their cult, by injecting their foreign chemical
My Foe, the Snow
By Steven Bienstock,
January 2, 2016
Dear white, powdery, delicate snow, It’s time you understand something. I know that we had a lot of fun growing up together and I enjoyed
Honestly, Do You Really Want the Truth?
By Sharon Ciraulo Wolf,
January 2, 2016
You know that old saying, “Honesty is the best policy?” Honestly? That's such a lie. Let me be clear that I advocate honesty in personal
Unlucky
By Courtney Colwell,
January 2, 2016
I’m lying on my bed, watching a ladybug spin around the light fixture. As a child, I was told that ladybugs are good luck. Since
Can Shakers
By Robert Curreli,
January 2, 2016
In town there’s this enormous grocery store that is the center of our universe. This also makes it the center for those seeking donations for
Recipe for Ophelia's Madness
By Timothy Kugler,
January 2, 2016
Recipe for Ophelia’s Madness (Hamlet Cake) • ½ cup of pure psychopathic thinking • 8 liters of confusion • 1 dump truck of heart break
Anna's Curse
By June O'Hara,
January 2, 2016
I’m crazy for books. Always have been. They carried me through a childhood absent of Zoloft, a marriage short on success, and more bad haircuts
Lost On the Nude Beach
By June O'Hara,
January 2, 2016
Yes, I go to a nude beach. With my boyfriend. Think what you will; I like having God gaze down upon my bare behind as
Singles Guide to Washing Dishes by Hand
By Barbara Pawley,
January 2, 2016
Single creatures usually live lean, which means no dishwasher other than our bare hands. We are often pitied and sometimes mocked (well, maybe that’s just
Billiards, Anyone?
By Larry Ryals,
January 2, 2016
Hey Mel. Is that your head, or were you attacked by parasitic alien honeydew melons with a high-gloss finish?" When I was a kid, I
Gym World
By Chris Weilert,
January 2, 2016
It had been years since I stepped inside a gym. I was the proud owner of a new membership, thanks to my big mouth declaring
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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