Recipe for Ophelia’s Madness (Hamlet Cake)
• ½ cup of pure psychopathic thinking
• 8 liters of confusion
• 1 dump truck of heart break
• 42 stanzas of lyrics that don’t exactly make sense and aren’t fully relevant
• A teaspoon of lingering love
• 9 cups of depression
• 1 ounce of Hamlet’s love
• 1 positive pregnancy test
• Enough table sugar, milk, and eggs to dilute an entire moose
• 14 boxes of vanilla cake mix
• The largest pan you can find, ‘cause this girl is plenty crazy
Pre-heat the over-sized oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit. Wait 15 minutes for it to heat up.
While it is heating up, stir the batter in the largest possible bowl with the sword Hamlet used to kill her father to give it that close to home feeling. When the pre-heating is done, pour the batter into a 10’-10’ pan, if not larger, and put the cake in the oven until it burns to a crisp. If you can jab a sharp knife into it, it isn’t burnt enough. Give it another five hours. Crazy people only like burnt food.
After you take the cake out and it is fully burnt, let it sit for 30 minutes. After it cools, it is ready to eat. You will need a jackhammer and 4 buff dudes to “cut” the cake. For some reason, it is customary to dip the crumbs that are small enough to attempt eating in water……. Nobody really knows why……..
Don’t be surprised if you get cuts in your esophagus or stomach. Eat it at your own risk, and enjoy!