Dear white, powdery, delicate snow,
It’s time you understand something. I know that we had a lot of fun growing up together and I enjoyed all those hours we spent with one another in my backyard, but I am no longer 9 years old. Taking you in my hands and rolling you around was fun, sensory, and exhilarating, and the possibilities of the things we could do together were endless. But now as I am older and wiser I have come to realize that you are plain, annoying, and just COLD.
I remember when my friends and I would pray for you to come every year. When the meteorologist even mentioned your name, he lifted the spirits of every kid in my entire school! We owe you many thanks for canceling school and giving us opportunities for our families to get together to drink hot chocolate, watch a movie, and play tackle football. Who knew that rolling you into giant balls, stacking you, putting buttons, hats, scarves and even carrots on you would become such an accepted activity that would form a character known around the world? In addition, the word “fight” took on a new meaning that alluded to fun amongst friends when the word “snow” was added before it. Your fluffy, pure, innocence made for a fine vacation day.
Looking back now as a 20 year old, I feel cheated and taken advantage of. For years, my family, friends, and many other children in my neighborhood spent countless hours freezing, shoveling, and toiling uncomfortably in the bitter cold just because of you. Oh, how you disappointed us kids with your pretend fallings, when you never stuck to the ground, or just disappeared in the mid- morning heat. After months of waiting for you, all that you can manage to do is dust the ground? Really?
What I find most disappointing about the arrival of my foe, the snow, is how after a few hours the pure, peaceful snow covered ground turns to lumps and mounds of muddy, salty, icy mischief. I ask you, grey and sorrowful clouds, what did mankind do to deserve such a fate? Did we ask for unsafe driving conditions comprised of slippery roads and poor visibility? Did we request an additional early morning workout in the freezing cold, shoveling, scraping, tossing, and salting our driveways and pathways? Because of YOU most of the people in the world necessitate gloves, boots, extra heavy coats, expensive heating systems, snowplows, and four-wheel drive.
Thank you for confining me to my house, imprisoning me for no reason, and being the annoyance that you are. Snow, please never show up again! You are unwanted by everyone old enough to really understand your bothersome methods and evil ways. You are responsible for thousands of deaths a year, and yet you have the audacity to come back and make a mockery of us, you tasteless and colorless destruction. I dread this morning, having to look out my window at the snowfall; understanding the pain and suffering you cause. Please stop and leave me alone.