"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
4TH QUARTER 2013
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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4TH QUARTER 2013 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
A Tale of Christmas Past in Two Cities, by Oliver Twist*
By David Woodside,
Setting: The English Channel between Paris and London at the start of the French Revolution, Saturday, 5:30 pm. Synopsis: The Americans, having finished their own
In Memory of Living in the Moment (OBIT)
By Peter Quinn,
In Memory of Living in the Moment 1500 B.C. to 2014 A.D. Living in the Moment succumbed today to a viral advance of technology losing
America's Most Wanted Couple
By Petra Perkins,
March, 2013. “A privately funded project, Inspiration Mars: Looking for a ‘mature’ married couple for a 2018 voyage to Mars and back. A slingshot trip,
Post from PETA
By Abby Heugel,
January 2, 2016
To Whom it May Concern: My name is Sunflower Smith and I am the communications liaison for PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of
Crisis Center
By Jack Tufts,
“Hello, you have reached the Crisis Center, may I help you?” “I doubt if anyone can help me.” “Well, I shall try my hardest and
4TH QUARTER 2013 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Cinderfella
By Kevin T. Boekhoff,
Thanksgiving Day was imminent. My wife had set about to work on the pies and other foodstuffs for the holiday. To be a help to
Chocolate Fountain Fallout
By Trenton Dietz,
The tea party had been my wife’s idea. We had both recently started our graduate programs, and she wanted a chance to hang out with
A Tribute to the Late John F Pugh, MD
By David Margolis,
(Reprinted from the Journal of Intestinal Gas) As a former student of Dr. Pugh, and my predecessor as editor of this august journal, I consider
My Pail List
By Peter Quinn,
At 92, I am still the consummate procrastinator. I haven’t checked off anything on my bucket list, but, if you'll pardon me for saying, my
Dress Nice When Stealing
By Shane Stay,
With the state of the economy as it is and gas prices at an all time high, the majority of Americans stand to gain a
Teenage Aliens
By Kevin Udell,
When your kids reach thirteen years of age they are abducted by aliens who insert alien brains in place of theirs, which are programmed to
Kidiots: A Primer
By David Woodside,
Someone agreed to host six kid cousins in my house for nine days. I am that idiot. This unfortunate event, misnamed a “vacation”, was suggested
4TH QUARTER 2013 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
So You Want to Start a Book Club
By Joel Habush,
So you want to start a book club. Great. I did too. To help you get going, I’ll let you take a page from my
The 5 Stages of Writer's Block
By Abby Heugel,
As any writer can attest, getting on a creative roll is one of the best feelings in the world. When I want to, it’s easy.
A Modern Fable
By Bob Kalish,
Once upon a time there was a man named Sal. He was 60 years old when, after a decade of encouragement from his wife, his
Fun With MRIs
By Kathy Minicozzi,
Many people go into panic mode when they think of getting an MRI. To them, it’s like being stuck in a locked coffin with a
How To Be Human
By E. Mitchell,
About Being human isn’t as easy as it used to be; it now requires gadgetry. Speaking as one who can barely operate a can-opener without
Emergency Rooms Just Kill Me
By Tim Ryerson,
Nurse: Briefly describe your pain. Me: Ouch. Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain? Me: I dunno...where's your
Going to a Wedding
By Lloyd S,
I recently went to the wedding of a nephew in my home town. Of all of the times I’ve visited home, I’ve never met any
Not So Grand Openings
By Len Signorile,
I’m not referring to store or business openings. I’m incensed over the infuriating activity of opening things like boxes, packages, bottles, cans et cetera. It’s
The Genius Remembered
By Shane Stay,
It has been three days and it's hard for me to accept that Duncan has traveled into the ephemeral dream Descartes may or may not
4TH QUARTER 2013 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Wildlife
By Petra Perkins,
January 2, 2016
My friend, Barbara, lives in a sexy mountain cabin in a remote, isolated wilderness with two dogs (Sheba and Lucky), two barn cats (no official
Best Foot Forward
By Heather Rodin,
January 2, 2016
It was our first high school class reunion. Five years had passed since graduation and my husband, Gord, and I were incredibly excited. Like us,
The Fickly Fig Leaf
By Heather Rodin,
January 2, 2016
A crisp December day found my husband Gord and I buckling our two little girls into car seats. We were on our way to a
When Cows Attack
By Larry Ryals,
January 2, 2016
Hollywood is chock full of stars who got their start in the biz from their famous parents: Jamie Lee Curtis, Drew Barrymore, Charlie Sheen, the
Twice Upon a Time in a Bakery
By Tim Ryerson,
January 2, 2016
A Said baker Ted to baker Ned: Ned, did you knead the dough? "Dough, I did dot dead the dough" Why not knead the dough,
Two Habits of Pro Athletes That Annoy Me
By Len Signorile,
January 2, 2016
First, let it be known I love sports. Don’t you just hate it when someone starts off with a disclaimer? Guess that’s one of my
Impersonating a Negotiator
By Shane Stay,
January 2, 2016
Impersonating a ransom or suicide negotiator can be a burdensome task, particularly if you tried it out capriciously one lazy afternoon during lunch break. The
The Growling Noise
By James Sullivan,
January 2, 2016
I was lying in bed when it happened. The cellar started to growl! I turned over and tried to ignore it but, it happened again.
Tribute in Hot Wax
By Linda L. Zern,
January 2, 2016
When I was a girl growing up in the liberated seventies after the radical sixties, we were told that true freedom and equality consisted of
The Golden Years? Try 'The Colon Years'
By Dick Cummins,
January 2, 2016
Fifteen years ago I had my first bout of ulcerative colitis, back in the days of beeping pagers and pay phones. UC is arthritis-related, the
You're On Your Own
By Joel Habush,
January 2, 2016
Yeppers, the die is cast. You’re going out on your own. I hear you. No more “kowtowing to ‘The Man,’” if you really talk like
Your Mom's a Liar
By Joel Habush,
January 2, 2016
Hold, on. Take it easy. She may not be a liar. You’re right, I don’t know her. So let’s start with a sample test. 1.
Top 5 Reasons it's Better to be a Dog Rather Than a Human
By Thomas Layton,
January 2, 2016
1.) First and foremost all dogs who live in a household with humans are orphans. They are all Oliver Twist, “asking for more.” They stay
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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