Nurse: Briefly describe your pain.
Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
Me: I dunno…where’s your scale?
Nurse: No, no sir, on a scale…
Me: Okay! 180 butt-naked.
Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam?
Me: Well, me and this lady went out the other night…
Nurse: N-not what I… We’ll need a stool sample.
Me: YOUR stool or my stool? We’ll need a saw.
Nurse: Wh…We’ll need to do some lab work.
Me: I understand, short-handed tonight, are we?
Nurse: Pfft!..Do you have a history of suicide?
Nurse: N-never…are you having trouble urinating?
Me: Just a sec, nope, no problem here.
Nurse: Oh crap!
Me: Just a sec, nope, no problem there either.
Nurse: Son of a…How many fingers am I holding up??
Me: Aha! One in the middle and four bent ones, right?
Nurse: I swear to G… Sign this freekin’ admittance form!!
Me: Uh-UH! I deny EVERYTHING
Nurse: (Sigh) Are you allergic to anything?