Sometimes I fly a balloon. One day someone is going to get upset and tell me to go fly a kite, and I will calmly proclaim that I often fly a balloon. The purpose of these four-foot round helium vessels is to mark the spot for a proposed cell tower, located with a surveyor’s map … [Read more...]

Here, at our highly respected institute of higher education (with the emphasis on high), you too can become a Hitman, or Hitwoman, just by sending in your application to the Household Institute of Technology. Some of our courses: 1.When you wear a stop smoking patch, is it … [Read more...]

If there’s one topic that bores and irritates me enough to want to viciously hurl dried out and grizzled breasts (not mine… the chicken’s) against the wall… it’s “COOKING.” Again, I’m the odd-woman out who can’t find a remedy for the “I Gotta Cook Again Blues.” Okay, eating out … [Read more...]

American elevators are generally civil and benign constructions of machinery. They don’t try to kill you; they try to help you. They are generally spacious; lack strange, mysterious goop dripping on the walls; are not cluttered with trash wrappers and beer bottles; and they don’t … [Read more...]