I hate shopping! I would rather perform laser eye surgery on myself or extract a wisdom tooth with a pair of pliers, than go shopping. On the other hand, my wife believes that she was born at Harrods, is a graduate of the JC Penney Academy and she is destined to become a founding … [Read more...]

“911 operator, how can I help you? “Help… I’d like to report a robbery,” I said wiping the tears from my eyes. “The address is 36-40-36 Flabby Way.” Next thing I knew, I was explaining what happened to Officer Barney Fife from the “Missing Body Parts Unit.” “Ma’am, can you … [Read more...]

I fear that I am becoming one of “those people”. You’ve probably heard of “those people” before; they partake in a particular activity that for whatever reason you find a bit odd. Rather than attempt to understand why “those people” choose to behave the way they do, you shake … [Read more...]

Middle age has lowered my body’s center of gravity and taken some of my self esteem with it. In fact, a simple incident at the grocery store confirmed how the mighty have fallen. By that I refer not only to my flesh, but also to my husband, because the entire incident revolved … [Read more...]

Three-Year-Old Apple of My Eye Sweet Baby Girl: "Mommy, can I sleep in your bed?" Exhausted Mother of Four: "No, honey, you have to sleep in your bed." Apple: "There's scary shadows on the wall." Me: "Do you want me to turn out your night light?" Apple: "No, then it will be … [Read more...]