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I somehow attended the Utah Opera’s 2012 production of Rigoletto. It reminded me of the New York Metropolitan Opera where I saw many performances as a boy. Back then my favorite parts were prying six dollars out of my father for a soda and snack at intermission and pitching … [Read more...]
My sister and I have a death pact. Susan has vowed that, should I predecease her, she will not allow the funeral cosmetologist to put me in blue eye shadow. Every makeup artist in my makeover history has wanted to streak my eyes in shades ranging from cerulean to indigo. Hello, … [Read more...]
Dear Kids: We have some serious problems at the North Pole. For many years we have run a deficit and our expenses have far outweighed our revenues. Over the years, I have ignored this problem and let the debt pile up. Recently I have joined the Tea Party; you may have seen me at … [Read more...]
My son made me a brain in art class. Yeah, so now I have two. Brains, that is. When I’m counting sons, I have three. Therefore, I have more sons than brains – but please don’t tell them I told you so. I think giving your mom a brain is a useful and thoughtful gift. The action … [Read more...]
My Have a hunger for a new relationship? Then mustard up the strength to ketchup with other spicy singles you can meat in your area, such as this fiberous mushroom: “I’m just a fungi with high morels looking to shoot the shiitake with a cute little button like you.” To put … [Read more...]