"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
June-July 2009
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
June-July 2009 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Madoff WILL Be Free Again
By Kevin Craner,
“Impossible,” you’ll say. “It can’t be done.” Well that’s why I’m Bernie Madoff and you’re not. You probably think that my being aged 71 with
The Liddy Memos - A Kindle Excerpt - Part 1
By Sharon Riley,
As AIG sells its buildings and divisions to pay back Uncle Sam, a recently laid-off employee, who claims to have only received half of his
Getting Cleaned
By David Crawford,
I was working hard at home, in the middle of a difficult task in my office, when I was distracted by the business line ringing.
Late For The Mammogram
By Julia DeGraf,
January 2, 2016
I hate being late. I don’t know where this hatred of lateness comes from. I’ve gone through the worst-case scenario of what could possibly happen
Paradise Lost?
By Charlie Taboada,
“I’ve never been good at icebreakers. It really wasn’t until I moved out that I started, just talking to people. It’s not hard; “How’s it
June-July 2009 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Liddy Memos - A Kindle Excerpt - Part 2
By Sharon Riley,
As AIG sells its buildings and divisions to pay back Uncle Sam, a recently laid-off employee, who claims to have only received half of his
Inspiration or Wince-piration: What Will Kid Movies Be Based On Next?
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Now that Hollywood's drawn kid movie inspiration from books, cartoons, and, now, TOYS ("Transformers", "G.I. Joe", and ummmmm, "My Little Pony"), one must ask: What's
The Complete Correspondence Between Edward Ruggles and Radiator Roundup, Inc.
By Mike Tuck,
October 7, 2008 Radiator Roundup Inc. 123 Mainstreet Oshkosh WI 54900 To Whom It May Concern: I was recently sent one of your home radiators
Impressing That Special Someone
By Richard Turck,
If you're not a girl like me, then you're probably a guy like me. And, being a guy like me, you have probably found yourself
Meeting The Neighbors
By Richard Turck,
When you move to a new place, one of the first things you have to do is meet and make friends with the neighbors. This
Throw Mama From The Wheelchair
By Lori Wescott,
Whether you call them in-laws or out-laws, it is always a struggle to fit in with your new family. I had been married five short
Hello, Is This The Travel Agency?
By Janine Wills,
By the time our youngest son Jared reached the dreaded adolescent stage, I was an old pro. I’d already weathered his older brother and sister,
The Relationship Stimulus Plan
By Eric Kester,
Immediately after graduating from Harvard last spring, I traded my cap and gown for a business suit. Undeterred by the sinking economy and eager to
Weighting Around
By Jeanne Kraus,
The George and Jeanne lifestyle centers around eating, sleeping and watching TV. As we reclined on the sofa, our protruding stomachs made great book holders.
A (Hopefully) Healthy Helping Of News
By Shane McAfee,
Recently, news has hit our country warning us of a new flu virus. The virus is called H1N1 or the swine flu. The term, swine
Cry Of The Humor Writer
By Amanda O'Brien,
For a humor writer I sure cry an awful lot. Ever since I gave birth to my first son, my eyes have been little brown
June-July 2009 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Republican Charge: Democrats Do Not Know Their Math
By Carlos Arnade,
A group of Republican Senators from the Finance and Ways and Means committee recently took three days of recess in order to evaluate the White
Interstellar Labelling
By Kevin Craner,
If my interstellar sightseeing has taught me anything it’s this: do yourself a favour and never visit the wacko planet called Earth. You can tell
The Next Vestigial Remain
By Cy Creed,
Sitting next to her boyfriend, my daughter is silent. There is no need to speak. No need to verbally communicate. No need for the physical.
Beautiful Bodies And Other Observations
By Mary Kirchhoff,
A couple of months ago, I made the decision to lose weight and get in shape. I don’t know what I was thinking; I clearly
Playing The Medical Waiting Game
By Jeanne Kraus,
Around the time I turned 50, my original Body Warranty expired. At the very least, it seemed as though I were a possible candidate for
Tidings Of Comfort Without The Joy
By Anita Lanning,
By now almost all sentient beings on Planet Earth are aware of the Technological Revolution, the one that simplifies our lives and expands our horizons,
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
By Laurie Lichtenstein,
I have recently proclaimed myself an anthropologist. I am busy studying the mating rituals of the preschool set. Specifically, I am motivated by my five
Say Cheese
By Yvonne Minassian,
Nearly forty years ago I had five teeth go airborne while playing hockey in Brainerd, Minnesota, the final resting place of Paul Bunyan and Babe
The Theme To 60 Minutes
By Jason Nedbalek,
What’s my pick for one of the greatest television theme songs of all time? The theme to 60 Minutes! You read me right. The originality,
A Walk On The Wild Side
By Judi Veoukas,
My mother called me recently. I love her dearly but within the first 8 seconds of a conversation, she starts sounding like the adults on
Intelligent Cars Prone to Road Rage
By Scott Sleek,
News from the Future June 2029 - The world’s top automaker on Monday issued a recall on 2027, 2028 and 2029 models of the FreeWheeler,
Side Effects
By Eileen Mitchell,
It frightens me to think that, one day, I may have to count myself among the millions of people who take prescription medications. I know
June-July 2009 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
1995
By Dustin Brady,
January 2, 2016
1995 was the year I fell in love. I was nine. It wasn’t like that third grade crush I had on Hannah Gnizak, and it
Not The Microwave!
By Peggy Brister,
January 2, 2016
My sweet son has had a fascination with the toilet for ever so long, when anything in the house went missing, the commode was the
Gifted
By Becky Cardwell,
January 2, 2016
I am gifted. According to the highly regarded, extremely technical test I completed online (in record time, I might add), my intelligence quotient measures 132
Help! I'm Surrounded By Barbie Dolls!
By Jeanne Kraus,
January 2, 2016
OK, I admit it. Like a ripe cheese or a really fine wine, I have aged. My teaching career has spanned over 30 years and
How To Make A Baby Upside Down
By Susan Lesko,
January 2, 2016
My son has no idea what physical feats I chose to endure to conceive him. Of course, my first husband and I both worked at
The Answer To Toddler Tantrums?
By Laurie Lichtenstein,
January 2, 2016
Toddlers. Irrational. Explosive. Highly energetic. And let us not forget dangerous. They can be pure charm, and melt your heart as they pitter patter across
The Last R.N.
By Susan M.,
January 2, 2016
A meeting was held on the second floor, On how to cut the costs just a little bit more, Jack from accounting spoke about waste,
The Peek
By Tamara P.,
January 2, 2016
A few years back, a dear friend of mine was feeling quite sad because the romance and intimacy she had once shared with her husband
We're Learning CURSIVE Writing...
By Debbie Patrick,
January 2, 2016
Yesterday was the last full day of school here in Oregon. The second grade classes went up to the third grade wing to visit the
A Laundress's Buried Treasure
By Kelly Smith,
January 2, 2016
Mothers everywhere can attest to the fact that laundry is a mind-numbing, labor intensive, necessary job. Between trying to get the whitest whites and keeping
The Perfect Smile
By Ellie Spence,
January 2, 2016
Ever since I was a child, I wanted my own set of false teeth. Even before my permanent molars arrived, I suffered drillings and fillings
Philpott Dietary Clinic
By Jerrel Swingle,
January 2, 2016
PHILPOTT DIETARY CLINIC Dr. Philip Philpott, MD, Director PROTOCOL: Philpott’s Experimental Diet Plan CASE STUDY NO. 1: Subject: R. S. Gender: Female Age: 35 Height:
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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