"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
June-July 2008
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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June-July 2008 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Intelligent Turn-Ons
By Eric Kester,
Us guys look for many different qualities in a girl when looking for love: her sense of humor, physical appearance, compassion, looks, generosity, physical attractiveness,
If Memory Serves — The Difference Between Tennisers and Golf Players
By Joel Habush,
Growing up, I noticed that there was a big difference between the people I knew who played tennis and the people I knew who golfed.
Golf Carts And Tiny Animals
By Daniel McGinley,
Years ago my parents left for a quiet little Shangri La retirement community in Florida, where everything from groceries to church is within range of
Sin While You Can
By Mary Tompsett,
January 2, 2016
Okay, kids, let’s talk sin. As in the seven “deadly.” Can you name them with me? Pride, Greed, Envy, Grumpy, Gluttony, Sloth, and…the last one….?
You’re Never Too Old To Be Busted For Parking
By Burton Cole,,
I am so embarrassed! My sweetie and I just got busted for parking. Yeah, that’s right, nearly 50 and graying, lit up by a deputy’s
June-July 2008 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Never Leave An Empty Roll
By Cindy Argiento,
Here’s the deal, if you finish the toilet paper, replace the toilet paper! Don’t even think that by leaving two sheets of paper on the
One Hot Mama
By Mikie Baker,
All vegetable gardeners know there is one magical moment when the garden harvest yields the perfect variety of produce to actually make a dish. It
Email Exchange Between Kobe Bryant And Bill Belichik
By Jason Campbell,
Note: The following is a work of fiction. Captured from an Email exchange: To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl From: KoB@playaz.nba Date: June 24 2008 1:01pm Subject: Winning the
The Mystery of the Bird, Herd, Kurd, Nerd, Word Not Heard
By Arthur Carey,
"Mystery Writing 101" Section 1143 Prof. Moriarty Word Choice Quiz (25 Points) (Fine tuning language is an essential part of the writing process. Select the
Selected Words And Phrases From The Baby Boomer Dictionary
By Stephen Joseph,
A. Anacin episode: The huge headache you get when being informed that the factory where you have slogged for the past thirty-two years is closing
Twice Bitten
By Kim Schultz,
Thud. I hear something in my window. I look at my clock. 2:17am. I’m in St. Paul, MN in bed in my cute apartment in
The Secret Truth Behind Diners
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Just like everyone in the Northeast has a favorite road rage swear word, so too does every man, woman, and child in the urban Northeast
Yellow Jackets, Tight Pants
By Mary Tompsett,
Uh-oh. A black-and-yellow fuzzball the size of a winged guinea pig is straddling my sandwich. Whew! It’s a bumble bee, not a wasp. In the
June-July 2008 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Life And Times Of A Wolf Spider
By Tracy Farr,
It is with great pleasure that I hereby present to you my scientific treatise on the roaming habits, reproductive cycle and life span of the
Airport Security? I'll Drink To That -- If They'd Let Me!
By Christopher Schmidt,
I travel a lot. I fly often. In my experience, I have witnessed the degeneration of pre-911 airport malaise, where it was difficult to find,
I Dream Of Johnnie With The Light Brown Hair
By William Schmitt,
People who say they love that good old country air have never been outside when the farmers have been spreading manure. Where I live, the
Teed Off
By John Brazell,
I was standing on number one tee last Monday excited and glad to be there. It was not unusual as like any golfer worth his
Farm Kids, Barns and Ropes
By James Butler,
I spent my first ten years of life on a small quarter section family dairy farm in Eaton County, Michigan with a sister two years
Hey, Learn Some Manners, Jerk!
By Burton Cole,,
How rude! Of all the offensive surveys to be conducted, this one claims that Americans are inconsiderate jerks. Yeah, well, you can just take that
Squat Toilets Are Not Meant For Women Over 50
By Dodie Cross,
As many 50-something women find, their lower internal organs begin to drop, droop, sag, bag and demand attention, and do not ignore the familiar signs
My Tuba
By Joseph Ellers,
The world is a very unfair place for big kids. Besides all of the jokes and teasing, there is one thing that no one ever
June-July 2008 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
An Expert's Solution to America's Problems
By Jesse Frederick,
January 2, 2016
According to many of America’s highly recognized and lowly intelligent experts, the greatest threat to American security (besides global warming) is America’s own military. This
The Pits
By Dan Bain,
January 2, 2016
One recent weekend morning, our day started with a rare in-room visit from our two sons. Usually, they’ll just clamor from the hallway that they’re
The Registry
By Dewey Cassell,
January 2, 2016
Anyone who has been married, or who has known someone who got married, is familiar with the bridal registry. It's what engaged couples do to
Whodunit? Dryers, Fiancee Suspected In Hide-and-Seek Things
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
After years apart, my winter boot socks finally found each other. This would have been fantastic news for my toes if it wasn’t July. Who
WANTED: Expert Cat Bather
By Linda Marie Dugger,
January 2, 2016
I once had a cat named Murphy. Murphy explored everything. As a kitten, he proved to be a natural predator of mice and squirrels. He
In Loving Memory
By Eric Kester,
January 2, 2016
I had to say goodbye to an old friend today. Even though she died a couple of weeks ago, she wasn’t put to rest until
Fall From Grace
By Erika Koff,
January 2, 2016
For as long as I can remember, activities involving any level of eye-hand-stick-ball coordination have eluded me. And while I’ve often heard flirty women at
The Big Brownout
By Dan Montville,
January 2, 2016
The Fourth of July weekend of 1999 is one summer holiday I can clearly remember, although I’d rather not. My son, Jake, promised to house
What's In A Container?
By Ann Page,
January 2, 2016
Who put your Pringles in a can? And why’d they do it? Because if you put your hand in there, it’s not coming back out.
Mr. Jello Pants
By Cindy Small,
January 2, 2016
It had been nine months since Hurricane Katrina; I finally sold my crusty, mold-soaked home and car in the soup-bowl city of New Orleans. With
Learning To Cartwheel
By Laura Snyder,
January 2, 2016
When I was a girl, I was cursed with long, skinny arms and legs and no middle. I was thin as a rail and would’ve
Fork Is A Four-Letter Word
By Judith Walker,
January 2, 2016
I've bought very few lottery tickets (being necessarily thrifty), but each time I spent a dollar or two, praying that I'd win "big", I had
The Great Chicken War
By Glanda Widger,
January 2, 2016
My neighbors seem to be at odds lately. The conversations that have been drifting over my back fence, do not seem as congenial as they
Tales Of An Office Picnic
By Aaron Wigington,
January 2, 2016
Violent storms rolled through the area during work hours last Friday bringing rain, wind, hail, and tornados. Not an unusual occurrence for a typical Midwestern
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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