Us guys look for many different qualities in a girl when looking for love: her sense of humor, physical appearance, compassion, looks, generosity, physical attractiveness, sensitivity, and what she looks like are all very important.
Of these attributes, intelligence is often very high on our list of turn-ons. After all, is there anything more attractive than a girl who knows exactly what to do when the remote needs to be reprogrammed?
We want girls who know that the “Treaty of Paris” marked the end of the Revolutionary War, not the end of Nicole Richie and Ms. Hilton’s friendship.
The only problem is that intelligent girls are nearly impossible for us to get because they are smart enough to realize that, when you get down to it, 99% of guys are first-rate creep shows.
So how do you convince your brainy beauty that you fall in the 1% category of “dateable” guys? Listen to my advice, and you’ll soon find yourself spending passionate Saturday nights playing Scrabble and talking in extended metaphor with your girl.
First off, when courting an intelligent girl, do not try too hard to sound smart. They will see through your shallow attempts at intelligence and know that you are overcompensating for your insecurities (i.e. your stupidity).
For instance, do not attempt a pick up line like this: “Are you differentiable? Because I want to be tangent to all your curves.” Calculus belongs in classrooms, labs, and sometimes rap lyrics, but never in the dating scene.
The best strategy when making the first move on an intelligent girl is to keep what you say relatively simple, reducing the risk that you say something idiotic and thus blowing your cover. Try, “Hey, I’m Eric.” (WARNING: DO NOT SAY THIS IF YOUR NAME IS NOT ACTUALLY ERIC)
The girl will most likely respond to your greeting with “Hi, I’m so-and-so.” Make it a point to remember her name. Good memory is a sign of intelligence. I once ruined my chances with a girl named Jenny because I forget her name from the first time I met her. When I saw her again she said “Hi, Eric,” leaving me in a situation where I had to take a stab in the dark: “Umm Hi…Johnny?” We never spoke again.
Smart girls love a guy with confidence. Be careful though, because these girls have the capability of distinguishing between confidence and cockiness. Do not use this pick-up line that I once heard someone try: “It doesn’t take a genius to see how beautiful you are. But if it did, I’d be overqualified.”
I think the best way to impress a smart girl by exuding your confidence is to memorize a random intelligent fact and, when the time comes, pull it out of your pocket and state it with conviction. It also serves as a good safety net in case the girl brings up a sophisticated topic that you know nothing about. Example: Her: “What time is it?” You: “Until the 19th century solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia.”
Do not use Snapple Facts, though. Smart girls drink Snapple and will know your source.
If you are having trouble courting your girl in person, the internet is not necessarily a bad place to turn to. In cyberspace, the girl won’t be able to smell your breath and you can visit dictionary.com for quick definitions of complex words that smart girls often use, such as “regarding,” “however,” and “commitment.”
Be wary of your America Online screen name — it reflects upon your intelligence and the girl will most certainly judge you by it. I know it seemed cool while you were a retainer-wearing 6th grader using AOL version 1.0, but DarkWingDuck69 is not a screen name that will be viewed favorably by your crush. Seek a more sophisticated screen name, like, for instance, ThreePointOne4.
I hope that my advice helps you along with your quest to date your intelligent young lady. Just remember not to be intimidated by the intellectual girls of the world. Chances are that even they, with their high IQs, had a crush on Tom Cruise at some point in their lives. And if you happen to be a single, intelligent girl looking for a date, I am currently available. Just send me an IM at RoboCopRulz69.