"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
February-March 2009
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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February-March 2009 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Forgetting Valentine's Day
By Richard Pierce,
(Note: The “Boyfriend” mentioned in the following essay may or may not be myself. In addition, the “Girlfriend” mentioned may or may not be my
Express Lane
By Chad Hatfield,
I just do not understand grocery stores. When I read the sign “Express Lane: ten items or less,” I was under the impression that this
Health Care, My A*Sterisk
By William Schmitt,
I recently went to my dermatologist to have a suspicious red spot on my stomach checked out. Of course, to see my dermatologist I had
Check Out
By Kevin Craner,
January 2, 2016
It happens to all guys, and it will happen to you. Heck, it HAS happened to you. You’re strolling down the street hand in hand
Mything Children
By David Crawford,
I was walking down Orchard Street the other day, thinking about all the myths my mother told me as a kid, when I met a
February-March 2009 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
How I Became Jealous Of A Club Sandwich
By Tripp Maxwell,
I’ve been dating Jennifer for five months. She has this one small idiosyncrasy. Every meal she eats, about five bites in she starts making these
Book Ideas Scrapped in 2009
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Around this time last year, a proposed parenting memoir by Britney Spears' mother was "delayed indefinitely" after her 16 year-old daughter Jamie Lynn announced she
Let's Eat!
By Lynette Sheffield,
The remnants of Western civilization smolder in ruins as the forces of the National Guard, American Red Cross and Anderson Cooper try to calm the
You Can't Fire Me, I'm Dead
By Barry Udoff,
SECRETS OF THE AFTERLIFE Dying is the most humiliating form of outsourcing. It's not easy to accept that our life can be lived better and
Alternate Endings
By Ed W,
(Author's last name withheld by request.) Every so often a movie starts with its original ending but based on audience feedback sometimes ends up with
Brown Sticky Miracle?
By Kevin Craner,
We Brits have a worldwide - no, make that a galaxy wide - reputation for thinking that the humble cup of tea, the “cuppa,” is
Victoria's Real Secret
By Joan Haara,
I don't know if you experience the Oh-My-God-He-Bought-Me-Lingerie-for-Christmas-Again syndrome this time of year, but it hits this house about every second or third year. Don't
Children Of The Cornflakes
By Ann I,
(Author's last name withheld by request.) Parents, caregivers, all manner of grown-ups, take heed! In what seemed like a typical drop-off at preschool this morning,
February-March 2009 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
How To Survive With A BFA
By Monique Edwards,
Whatever you do, don’t panic, hold onto the edge of your seat, clench your teeth, close your eyes, and tell yourself out loud, “Everything is
Football Depression Syndrome
By Laurie Fabrizio,
Nacho crumbs have been vacuumed up by the dog. The last bottles of beer have been tossed into the recycle bin. Women are once again
Fractured Facts "Pluck of the Irish"
By Ray Fitzgerald,
You could inscribe on single leaf of a shamrock the positive contributions of the Irish to the Industrial Revolution. With the possible exception of John
How To Sleep With A Man... And Actually Get Some Rest
By Shelly Gates,
I want to teach a class on sleeping with men, but it would not be about sex. It would be on how to fall asleep
Diary Of A Mad Car Strife
By Tom Luddecke,
Cars, can’t live with them, can’t blow them up in a public display of anger and frustration. The scenario is all too familiar. You get
Minor Details When Buying Real Estate
By Dan McGinley,
Here’s some pointers for purchasing a home in this struggling economy. Despite rumors, they were gathered after several intensive interviews with real estate experts, and
Notes From Under the Bus
By Dan McGinley,
I used to work with a bunch of guys who made ugly sport of throwing people under the bus. Every article of clothing in my
60 - The New Coming Of Age?
By Sandra Seitz,
When I think of the phrase, "coming of age," I've decided it fits where I am right now. Sixty. Yes, I am 60. In my
What Does The Future Hold?
By Johnny Townsend,
This is an uncertain time. America has just elected a new president. Some people are worried about what the future will hold. Fear not, for
I Think I'll Sleep On It: A Love Story
By Katheryn Wilson,
My back ached - especially in the morning. “Replace your old mattress,” advises friend Judith. “And what about those dust mites everyone’s discussing at the
Genesis, With A Twist
By John Z.,
(Author's last name withheld by request.) In the beginning, God decided he was lonely and wanted a friend capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation.
February-March 2009 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Musings Of A Reluctant Ski Mom
By Eva Potter,
January 2, 2016
Certain facts would lead you to believe that I’m an avid skier. I was born in Austria, was raised in a skiing family, married a
What's In A Nonsense Name?
By Joel Schwartzberg,
January 2, 2016
The trend in giving your company a nonsense name reached a new high when Sci Fi channel announced it was changing its name to "Syfy."
Answer The Phone
By Cindy Argiento,
January 2, 2016
In this day and age it’s hard to believe a person doesn’t own an answering machine; my mother is the person. She has never really
Cake Anyone?
By Debbie Fox,
January 2, 2016
In 1972, young and newly married, I adopted a mongrel beagle puppy from the local animal shelter. The caramel-colored pup, no bigger than my hand,
Alone Time
By Kim M.,
January 2, 2016
(Author's last name withheld by request.) If you can't get your kids to give you the attention you desire, and you are permanently hoarse from
Point And Shoot
By Debbie Patrick,
January 2, 2016
I was standing at my doorway talking to one of the other kindergarten teachers about the Halloween parade we would have with the classes on
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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