"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
December 2005-January 2006
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
December 2005-January 2006 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
The Weighting Game
By Denise Malloy,
My husband pushed back from the table and announced, “I need to lose a few pounds,” and trotted off to find the scale. He probably
Poker Face
By Daniel Bain,
Every dad has an inner guy -– the voice of his former loutish self, now allegedly tamed in the name of marriage and parenthood. Mine
Surprise Me With Something
By Rebecca Gernon,
"Tomorrow's our anniversary," I reminded my husband. A simple statement, but strong enough to make grown men cringe, relinquish the clicker, lose interest in their
December 2005-January 2006 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Cheese Stands Alone
By Lisa Barker,
Have you ever really paid attention to children's nursery rhymes and songs? They can be downright twisted and scary, if not plain dumb. Recently, my
The Miracle of Modern Medicine
By Lisa Barker,
Recently one of my children needed to have a brain MRI done. She’s only three and not yet speaking (hence one of the reasons for
Winter Olympics Makeover
By Ken Bobrosky,
Don’t you get tired of the same old boring Winter Olympic events? Skiing, sliding, skating, skiing, sliding, skating. It is time to modify some of
The Value of Higher Education
By Jennifer Brown,
In 1999 I walked, cap and gown-clad, to the front of Mabee Center at William Jewell College to receive my Bachelor degree in Psychology. I
The Committee
By Renee Devon,
Despite the best efforts of several doctors, I find myself, after almost 50 years of marriage, quite alone in the world. I now need a
Help Around The House
By Cindy Dwyer,
My friend was upset after being reprimanded for being consistently late for work. Although I wanted to console her, it wasn’t easy. Let’s put it
Science Isn't Always Fair
By Faith Foyil,
All’s a flutter at my son’s school. Teachers and students are scurrying around like plywood store customers before a hurricane. It’s time for the Annual
Off The Back Burner
By Mark Hawthorne,
After a protracted absence, spontaneous human combustion has returned to the headlines. Until recently, the last genuine report of anyone inexplicably bursting into flames was
Categorically Speaking
By Margaret Howlett,
Recently I’ve been caught up in the organizing frenzy that seems to be sweeping the country. Suddenly, it’s chic to be anal-retentive. Now, you have
Calling In Sick
By Jennifer Karin,
I’m not writing a column today. My head’s in a vice and someone installed wall-to-wall carpeting on my tongue. My eyes resemble those of the
Dude, Where's My Son?
By Jackie Papandrew,
My son recently turned 13, and the last traces of that sweet little boy who thought I hung the moon seem to have vanished. In
My Daughter, Myself
By Ami Peltier,
As a woman with an identical twin sister, I am well-accustomed to the fact that my sister Anne and I are physically indistinguishable. Fortunately, our
December 2005-January 2006 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
How Two Iguanas Could Change My Life
By Richard Harrison,
It was Eureka! time in Margaritaville! Without answering any of the “Make $5,000 by next Tuesday” ads that clutter my e-mail box everyday; without sending
Gone To The Funny Farm
By Meghan Kinsey,
The definition of bipolar is having or marked by diametrically opposed natures. The definition of mother is maternal tenderness that creates a rollercoaster of emotions
The Oldest Child
By Carol MacAllister,
The oldest child is an experimental spawn. That’s what I was with lots of aunts and an inexperienced mother. I remember lying in bed with
Gangster Patrol
By TC McClenning,
Certain questions should not be randomly asked of total strangers. It can create quite a panic at worst and a feeling of embarrassed awkwardness at
Darwinism or Creationism?
By Frank Mucci,
Presently, everyone seems to care about how we all got here. Scientists care because that’s what they do -- figure out meaningless junk. Theologians care
Pea Sized
By Danielle Mutarelli,
I have a bladder the size of -- appropriately enough -- a pea. Throughout the day I’m in the bathroom more often than not. My
The Hardest Exercise
By Dace Pedecis,
The most difficult thing about a fitness program is not shelling out the bucks to join a club, or even using the resistance machines. No
Maple Infidelity
By Ryan Roe,
I have a confession to make, and I feel just terrible about it: I’ve become a cheatin’ man. But it’s not what you think. I’ve
I Fought The Fear Of Fitness -- And Failed
By Judi Veoukas,
My doctor minced no words at my last physical: “I cannot give you diet pills; you must have a fitness routine, preferably at a health
Why I'll Never Have the Write Stuff
By Cynthia Washam,
I was reading The Oxford Book of American Literary Anecdotes when it occurred to me that if you want to be a great writer, you’ve
What's For Dinner? Don't Ask!
By Lisa Barker,
When I’m on the ball, I’m in the kitchen at 3:30 p.m. and I have a great dinner -- and dessert -- ready by the
Relocation to Hell
By C. Hope Clark,
Friends labeled our planned family relocation from South Carolina to Arizona an “adventure,” the first sign of a jinx. We soon wondered if we’d sold
Skinny Munchies
By Sally Clark,
The worst thing about moving is learning your way around a new grocery store. When I couldn’t locate one of my favorite snacks, I decided
Back To School
By CJ Cornelius,
The weekend before school started I worked like a dog driving my kids all over the county getting them ready. They needed new shoes, eye
Losing My Mind
By Faith Foyil,
Do you sometimes repeat yourself? Have you recently misplaced your keys, your wallet, or your third child? Have you ever rushed into your bedroom to
December 2005-January 2006 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Interview
By Jessica Benes,
January 2, 2016
I graduated from college with a vague sense of unease. The school was thrusting me out into the world without so much as a “thank
Males Don't Stand A Chance
By Leslie Friesen,
January 2, 2016
Not many of the male species survive long in our house. Take Shane for instance. The poor little guy never stood a chance. We brought
The Construction Men Cometh
By Joan Geary,
January 2, 2016
The Construction Men cometh -- at about 7 a.m. each day -- to bulldoze and bang their way through my morning dreams. I try to
My Son The Bookkeeper
By Vince Johnson,
January 2, 2016
My father worried about my future. He kept asking me if I knew where I was going. "What profession will surrender to your wit?" An
My Next Husband Will Be Normal
By Marsha Jordan,
January 2, 2016
My friend gave me a plaque that read, "My next husband will be normal." I didn't realize how fitting it was until the morning I
Home For The Holidays
By Meghan Kinsey,
January 2, 2016
My husband heard the loud howling noise coming from upstairs. Unable to place the ungodly sound, he ran up the stairs taking two and three
I'm Fine With Water
By Catherine Lanser,
January 2, 2016
Dining out was a big deal when I was growing up. It was completely understandable for a family as large as mine to eat as
Battlegrounds
By Terry Lilley,
January 2, 2016
There is a war being fought in homes all across America, a battle of epic proportions and far-flung consequences. I am speaking, of course, about
Prescription
By Carol MacAllister,
January 2, 2016
My husband complained, "You don't listen." I complained, "You mumble." Quietly, I made an appointment to get my hearing checked. My doctor listened attentively to
Break A Leg
By Eileen Mitchell,
January 2, 2016
When you think of hair-raising hobbies, Community Theater doesn't readily spring to mind. Sky-diving, bungee jumping or mud wrestling, maybe, but Community Theater somehow conjures
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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- Entries should be 750 words or less.
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