"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
August-September 2008
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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August-September 2008 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Navigating Commercial Landmines
By Lisa Barker,
I’m waiting for one of the kids to ask me what reptile dysfunction is. There’s no escaping the ads on television. I imagine how the
How To Land The Job Of Your Dreams
By Chad Hatfield,
How to Land the Job of Your Dreams: The ultimate and fail-safe job interview helps that are guaranteed to land you the job of your
Acting Your Age At 100
By Ed Tasca,
Medical science is at it again, this time filling baby boomer heads with the crazy idea that many of us living today are going to
Not So Heavenly
By Tom Harris,
January 2, 2016
It isn’t always easy being smug and self-righteous in the here and now, and it might be even more difficult in the hereafter. According Dr.
Naptime Namaste
By Ami Peltier,
“Namaste,” intones the calm, spandex-clad woman on the television screen. “I’m Sheila Carrington. Welcome… to Beginner’s Yoga.” “Namaste, Sheila,” I reply. Giggles erupt from behind
August-September 2008 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
In The Mood For A Northerly Drive? Take A Cow
By Burton Cole,,
Science now says that cows have an internal GPS that points them north or south. Hooray for science. Grandpa Cole told me that 40 years
Wanna Help? Stop Pestering The Bride!
By Burton Cole,,
I want to BE married. It's the GETTING married that's driving me nuts. After nearly a decade of bachelorhood, I am counting down the last
Men And The GPS
By Jennifer Huard,
What do you get the man who has everything? It was my husband’s birthday last week and being the gadget guy that he is (aren’t
Go Hard Or Go Home
By Eric Kester,
Exercising regularly is an easy way of increasing your chances of having a long, healthy life. This is terrific news, considering that recent studies suggest
How To Avoid The Neighbors
By E. Mitchell,
Block Party season prevails from April to October, conjuring three vivid images: 1) Neighbors chattering cheerfully; 2) children scampering across your lawn; 3) the need
Notes From Over The Hill
By William Schmitt,
Most people can't point to the day and time they turned old, but I can. I can't remember the exact date, but I remember the
How To Quit Your Job
By Joel Schwartzberg,
I've resigned from eight jobs over the past 18 years, and have handled the "giving notice" moments with everything from heartfelt empathy to sadistic glee.
August-September 2008 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
An Old, Fat Guy Trains For A Bike Ride
By Scott Beck,
Sometimes, I get ideas that stick in my brain and make me wonder if I have a defective model. Usually, the wife tries to talk
How The Cookie Crumbles: Love Is Blind; Taste Buds See The Truth
By Burton Cole,,
I have not had a cookie in three days. I'm not happy about that. There's not even a patch for this sort of thing. And
Trick or Treat Defeat
By Christine Gauvreau,
Halloween is near. I can always tell how close it is by the amount of miniature chocolate bars I’ve consumed. And since the empty wrapper
Dressing for PMS (Or Whatever Else is Cramping Your Style)
By Wendy Hand,
About two days out of every month I honestly want to twist my head off and hurl it at anyone who chews too loud, walks
Raising Cain With The Income Tax Agent
By Robert Robeson,
A year after Adam and Eve's premature, Biblical departure from the Garden of Eden, the chief income tax agent in Edenton province called Adam to
What Reality Television Can Do For The Olympics
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Reality television show producers, proudly noting they invented the concept of obscure Americans competing in tight, skimpy outfits for glory and lucrative contracts way before
Tag Along
By Cindy Argiento,
It was driving me crazy. It was making me itch. The tag inside my blouse kept rubbing against my skin. I should have removed it
August-September 2008 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Real Psycho
By Kathy Welch,,
January 2, 2016
I was on the couch the other night watching one of those reality shows (the kind I claim to despise) when a mountain lion attacked
A Conversation With My Sister
By Glanda Widger,
January 2, 2016
I am sure that my younger sister has attention deficit disorder. Yes, I know she is thirty five. I don’t care. I swear this is
The Guidance Goof
By Tom Hovland,
January 2, 2016
My day-old career as a substitute teacher ended shortly after Labor Day, when a sophomore biology student fainted during the introductory blood-typing demo, soiling her
On The Verge Of Scurvy -- Cleavage and Character on the Campaign Trail
By Megan Brown,
January 2, 2016
This summer was an interesting one to say the least. I had the opportunity to drive several hours from home to a desert town, where
The Red Mark
By Joe Cappello,
January 2, 2016
Phil is about to open the medicine cabinet when he spots it in the mirror. Until now, his morning ritual moved along as it did
Here's What Really Happened
By Pierce DeBauche,
January 2, 2016
People always ask me: How did you get that burn on your hand? Did you fall asleep next to a lit stove? Did you get
Mom's Tears Nab Olympic Gold
By Laurie Fabrizio,
January 2, 2016
First there was Michael Phelps, then there was Shawn Johnson, but the big scuttlebutt seems to be surrounding a local Minneapolis mother of two, who
Stick Shift
By Jean Follmer,
January 2, 2016
I turned 16 in 1986 and was given the family station wagon to drive. If you’re envisioning a large, clunking, gas-guzzling wood-paneled, Ford Country Squire
Easter
By Elesa Hagberg,
January 2, 2016
The true meaning of Easter is a tricky thing to teach to a 15 month old little boy, so I didn’t even try. I was
Famous Quotes Revisited In The Joseph Household
By Stephen Joseph,
January 2, 2016
So here I am, having turned forty years old, married with two small but growing children. I have no debts to speak of, I love
Banking On The Tooth Fairy
By Sue Langenberg,
January 2, 2016
Income from the tooth fairy was my last financial windfall. It was a whole quarter, shiny and solid found beneath my pillow one Sunday morning
Wash Day Blues
By Anita Lanning,
January 2, 2016
My Mama grew up on a farm in North Texas during the 1920s, where one thing was always certain: Monday was wash day. Laundry was
When A Balloon Is A Cell Tower
By Daniel McGinley,
January 2, 2016
Sometimes I fly a balloon. One day someone is going to get upset and tell me to go fly a kite, and I will calmly
You, Too, Can Be A Hitman
By Avant Point Guard,
January 2, 2016
Here, at our highly respected institute of higher education (with the emphasis on high), you too can become a Hitman, or Hitwoman, just by sending
Love Me Tender… Or Just Plain Cooked-to-Death!
By Pam S.,
January 2, 2016
If there’s one topic that bores and irritates me enough to want to viciously hurl dried out and grizzled breasts (not mine… the chicken’s) against
Georgian Elevators
By Brian Tolentino,
January 2, 2016
American elevators are generally civil and benign constructions of machinery. They don’t try to kill you; they try to help you. They are generally spacious;
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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