I am sure that my younger sister has attention deficit disorder. Yes, I know she is thirty five. I don’t care. I swear this is her problem. I offer as proof a recent phone conversation I attempted to have with her. I am not sure whether or not she
ever actually absorbed the message, but I doubt
it. Peg tends to not hear what she does not have an interest in.
I dial her number and…
“Peggy, hi it’s Diane. I have some news for you.”
“Really? No, don’t tell me; let me guess. You’re expanding the company. Wait, it’s something better. I got it. You’re getting married .”
“No, I …”
“Whew that’s a relief I thought you were going to tell me you wanted to marry that creepy William.”
“He is not creepy.”
“Is too. I mean, ewwww, he cleans up blood and guts and all that yucky stuff.”
“He does not. He is a forensic scientist you nit-wit. I have told you that a dozen times.”
“Right, he cleans up blood and guts. I’m glad you are not marrying him. You should break off with him Diane. He is gross. It’s like dating a mortician. What would I tell my friends?”
“I am not dating him Peggy. Listen. I have some…”
“Good for you. I knew you would come to your senses and dump him.”
“He dumped me. Never mind, I have to tell you about mom.”
“He dumped you? What the heck is wrong with that moron. How dare he dump you. You’re a successful business owner. You could have kept him in style. Boy wait till I see him. I will tell him a thing or two or three.”
“Forget it Peg and listen.”
“You got a new boyfriend? I knew it. You always call me first. What’s he like? Does he want to get married?”
I am gritting my teeth in frustration. I love Peggy; but she can be somewhat trying on occasion. I have only the highest regard for her husband. He must have the patience of a saint.
“Peggy, let’s get back on the subject, okay?”
“What subject? No new beau? Darn.”
“Our mother, that’s what subject.”
“What’s mom got to do with you finding a husband? Good grief Diane. Leave mom out of this. Tell me why you don’t have a boyfriend. You aren’t getting any younger you know. The old biological clock is running down.”
“Forget my clock okay? I am trying to tell you…”
“What, what? Spit it out Diane. I swear you procrastinate more than any human I’ve ever seen.”
“Aww, come on sis. I am really not in the mood to hear about mom’s newest disease. I have a major crisis on my hands. The world is not good today. ”
“What crisis? What happened? Are the kids okay? Has something happened to Jake?”
“Jake is fine, the kids are fine, the toilet is not fine.”
“Yeah, Billy flushed a tennis ball down the darn thing. My whole house is flooded. That might be a good thing though. Now that the carpet has to be cleaned and the placed aired out, Jake will have to take us somewhere for a few days. Yipee . I’ve been hinting for a vacation forever. Where would you go, sis? The beach? Mountains? Boy thanks for the idea, this will take some thought.”
“Peggy, Mom is getting married again.” I finally blurt out while she is drawing a breath.
“That’s nice. Oops, gotta run, the plumber is here. Talk to you later sis and please find a husband soon. Everyone is driving me crazy calling all the time to find out if you are serious about anyone yet.”
The phone went dead.
Oh well, maybe I will be able to tell her about mom’s next divorce.