"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
April-May 2011
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
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April-May 2011 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Eating Fresh
By Heather Davis,
Last week, The Dad was working late, so The Daughters and I stopped at Subway to grab a healthy, fresh dinner... as opposed to the
The Full-Tilt Boogie Cross-Town Crash and Burn
By Christopher Hivner,
I once entered a World’s Biggest Toe Cheese contest, but I misunderstood the rules. I had squeezed a log of Gorgonzola between my toes thinking
Spring Holidays Make Me Want To Recoil
By Jonathan Criswell,
It's finally summertime, a season of fertility and relaxation we celebrate with holiday celebrations, fireworks, festivals, carnivals, heat exhaustion, sunburn and the occasional paralyzing drought.
Under Siege
By Lissy Jones,
January 2, 2016
There is a war going on in my kitchen. It’s between me and the ants. They are applying Cesarean strategies and I’m trapped like Vercingetorix
Lloyd's Dentist
By Lloyd S,
Dr Mitchell Lasoff has a dental office on Hoosick Street in Troy, New York. Dr Lasoff is one of the most accomplished dentists in the
April-May 2011 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Lost New Jersey Man Found Hiding Inside The U.S. Government Budget
By Carlos Arnade,
For years, Conservatives have complained that the U.S. Government Budget is so vast that no-one person knows what it contains. Last week officials of Washington’s
Old Bones Snap Into Rhythm of Age
By Burton Cole,,
Cousin Dweezil remembers when we used to snicker at the sounds old people’s bodies made. It’s not so funny anymore. “After all that weeding yesterday,
Snack Desperation
By David Crawford,
It’s 9 o’clock at night. The TV glows. None of my favorite shows are on, it’s too early to go to bed, and the images
The End Is Nigh...Just Not as Nigh As You Thought
By Jonathan Criswell,
My son thought it tacky that we hadn’t cleaned all the bird poop off the satellite dish that partially blocks the front entrance to our
In the Moment
By Joan Emmer,
I'm very much an adherent of traditional medicine. Offer me an epidural (pregnant or not) and I'm there! So when I was assigned to read
The Dude Ranch
By Joe Fusco Jr,
For six months, I thought we were going to a Nude ranch. Bringing the three boys seemed a bit odd, but my wife always handles
The Diorama
By Thomas Impelluso,
The creation of a diorama is a rite of passage for all parents of – oops! Pardon me – children in the early years of
Clash of the Vacationers
By Laurie Lichtenstein,
My family just returned from vacation. But as my husband ushered us out of the house a little too early so that we could “salvage”
All Out Compliments
By Pete Lopez,
If you are going to compliment someone, then my belief is to make it worthwhile. Sure saying "That’s a pleasant sun dress you’re wearing" and
A Nice Idea
By Rachel Turner,
I’ve started playing tennis again. Like, organized tennis. After a 3-year hiatus and with so many of my fans begging for my comeback, I have
Living With A Purpose
By Thomas Wheeler,
You would think, as an elected judge in a small county, I would naturally fall into, or at least be considered for a place of
April-May 2011 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Say, Do You See A Shortcut?
By Burton Cole,,
I bet the ladies in our lives thought the problem of us guys refusing to ask for directions was solved. Ha! I admit that it
A Few Things I Don't Understand
By Dennis Craft,
I don’t understand some of the products on store shelves. I was doing the usual forty minute wait for my prescription when I decided to
Soon You Will Achieve Dream Control
By Jonathan Criswell,
After the world's doctors and scientists find a cure for cancer and Alzheimer’s disease, I'd like for them to get started on that microchip you
Food Foibles
By Dorothea Helms,
If you are what you eat, I’m in trouble. For some reason now that I’m turning 60, I feel compelled to come out of the
What They're Doing Now
By Virginia Jacobson,
“ Why choose me ?” I read the biography you did for The Big Bad Wolf. Mesmerizing. Who knew he had such a troubled childhood?”
Grooming The Groom
By Carl Megill,
I saw my first robin of Spring yesterday...two guys held up a Seven-Eleven. (Rim shot.) But, yes, it is Spring and that means bright sunshine,
Retraining
By Michael Moran,
Shorty Shamanski sat in his usual place at the end of the bar smoking Marlboros and drinking Budweiser. Never a sunny person, he looked especially
G'Day Y'all! What Not to Say When Meeting the Other Guy
By Lisa Vankula-Donovan,
Recently I've been getting some grief from my fellow Yanks about being too Aussie. Look, I love this country almost as much as my own,
Born To Name Paint
By George Waters,
I often wonder how some people end up with great jobs, like the guy who gets to name paints. Nepotism? Is there some clandestine paint-naming-dude
Not Just Toyota: The Federal Reserve Faces Unintended Acceleration Complaints
By Carlos Arnade,
Small Square Plastic Piece Comes Under New Scrutiny The Toyota Motor Company continues to recover from the false charge that Toyota cars spontaneously accelerate; taking
Republicans: Obama Was Not Even Conceived in the United States
By Carlos Arnade,
Congressional Republications recently introduced a bill that would compel U.S. citizenship to begin at conception. The new bill, the Family Patriotic Planning Act, proposes to
April-May 2011 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
My Husband Has Taken Up Tree Planting
By Susan Antony,
January 2, 2016
My dilemma began last Monday afternoon when my husband returned home from Lowes with three or four fruit trees in the back of his truck.
Possessed By The Daredevil
By Susan Antony,
January 2, 2016
The Kid learned to ride a two-wheeler, and in the first week of practicing his new skill, he rode out in front of a car.
Just A Mom
By Cheryl Burns,
January 2, 2016
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is
A Tragic Tale of When Good Texting Goes Really, Really Bad
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Every word of the following cautionary tale is true. I know so because the cautioner texted the tale to me herself. (If you cannot believe
Your Daughter's First Date: Etiquette for Mothers
By Francine Garson,
January 2, 2016
Your daughter’s been asked on her first date! She’s excited, she’s nervous, she’s unsure, and she needs you…not to embarrass her! Do you remember the
Moments to Remember--or Better Yet, Forget
By Anita Lanning,
January 2, 2016
As any mother of teenage daughters can attest, their threshold of embarrassment begins at subterranean levels and goes downward from there. “Mom, really!” is their
Helpless Housewives
By Laurie L,
January 2, 2016
This piece was written from my basement while I taught my youngest to swim. I never intended to own an indoor pool, but with all
Spring Break-Up
By Maggie Phenicie,
January 2, 2016
How do you break up with a dog? You can’t whip out any classic excuse: “It’s not you, it’s me.” “I’m not looking for a
If You Want To Know The Trut
By Mary Taylor,
January 2, 2016
I have reared my children to critique my appearance to ensure that I never leave the house looking unkempt, or heaven forbid, frumpy! Every morning
Fitting in Fitness
By Barbara Valentin,
January 2, 2016
It started innocently enough. Rushing to get dressed in the dark of a recent morning, I grabbed a clean pair of jeans out of the
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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