I don’t understand some of the products on store shelves. I was doing the usual forty minute wait for my prescription when I decided to not waste my time and do something productive so I read labels. Here are some of the products I found in the pharmacy department:
1. Anti Monkey Butt powder. Oh yea, I’m never going to the jungle.
2. Good Night Bunion. Sounds like a bad children’s book.
3. Fungi Cure. If he’s a fungi why do you want to cure him?
4. Moleskin Plus Padding. I don’t know but you might get a hankering to dig holes if you put those in your shoes.
5. Gel Corn Protectors. Sounds like something farmers use out in the field.
6. Peppermint Foot Soak. Personally I’d prefer something in a strawberry or grape.
Why don’t they open up a Half Dollar Store? Now, there’s a place I could afford. I was at the Dollar Store the other day and went to the register and of course there wasn’t a price on my one item. The very intelligent checker called for…you got it, a price check. At the Dollar Store, can you believe it. Let me guess the price, uh hmmm, a dollar? Of course she didn’t use the intercom she just yelled, “Hey Marge, how much for this George Michael CD?” I don’t shop there anymore.
“Product may have settled during shipment.” I hate those words. Why do they even put the word may in there. I have never opened a package that said “may have settled” where the product didn’t. Are there any products that don’t settle? I mean the other day I opened a jar of queso dip. It settled. Did it have a warning notice about settling? No sir-re bob. How my spell check jumped all over queso but not no sir-re bob I don‘t know. I don’t understand it. I think I actually had shoes that settled during transport. I tried them on in the store but when I got them home they didn’t fit quite so well.
What about products that may have a crevice? Shouldn’t there be a warning about crevices. I opened some ice cream the other day and it had a big crevice in the middle. I probably missed out on three or four spoonfuls. I want a warning telling me “product might crevice”. I’m not talking about leftover pudding, it always has crevices. I’m talking about things that shouldn’t have a crevice like cheesecake. I can’t eat food that has a crevice. I can eat it and love it until it gets a crevice and then that’s all she wrote.
That stuff is going in the garbage or is it trash? What do you call yours? Are there certain stipulations that make trash trash and garbage garbage? I know my dad only gave me girl advice once in my life when he told me to stay away from that trash. I told him I don’t want to hear that garbage and he never gave me advice again other than telling me, “I don’t care what you call it, trash or garbage, if you don’t take it out now you’ll be sleeping with it.