"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
3rd - 4th Quarter 2014
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
3rd - 4th Quarter 2014 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
X Marks The Spot
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
When they were putting together the English alphabet, the letter X got the short end of his two sticks. Rumor has it he showed up
Hey, Dean!!!
By Joel Habush,
When they were putting together the English alphabet, the letter X got the short end of his two sticks. Rumor has it he showed up
Famous Literary Rejection Letters Throughout Time
By Peter Quinn,
Roman Chisel & Scribe, 85 A.D. Salutius Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John Thank you for your tome on humble beginnings, good versus evil, tragedy, redemption
Put Me In, Coach
By Christopher Hivner,
January 2, 2016
The rock band KISS have recently bought an Arena Football league team and named it after themselves: the LA Kiss. I did some research and
The Whirly Gig*
By David Woodside,
It’s the holiday season and time to consider gift ideas! Again! Instead of giving him a subscription to Jelly-Of-The-Month-Club, why not send Cousin Eddie to
3rd - 4th Quarter 2014 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Honest Christmas Card
By Trenton Dietz,
It is hard to believe that a whole year has gone by already. And what a year it has been! We are still living comfortably
The Courier Within
By Evan Goodjohn,
Hello there, my name is Gene. I’m your inner courier; the little man down here, or more correctly, up here in your psyche; a gofer;
I Keep My Tree Up Till Groundhog Day
By J.D. Griffith,
They say it’s bad luck to leave the Christmas tree up past New Year’s Day, but I follow the Groundhog Day rule. Being a consummate
Outgredients — Less is More
By Joel Habush,
I’ve noticed over the past few years that the importance of what’s in a product has taken a back seat to what’s not in a
Up Your Curtain
By Joel Habush,
To: Our favorite patron of the arts From: Office@BEARBAITERPLAYERS.ORG SUBJECT: A very special personal offer on our very special offerings as a very special thank
Four-Way Stop
By James Isom,
For the first time in over 16 years of driving, I came to a complete stop at a 4-way with three other motorists at the
Political Spin For Pariahs
By David Margolis,
The Serpent The Serpent is a devoted family man. He spends most of his day gathering food in the Garden of Eden to bring home
The Day They Tried Corn
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
It was a serious day in the garden. Various vegetables gathered to witness the much-anticipated criminal fraud case against corn. Corn had filed a countersuit
3rd - 4th Quarter 2014 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The City That Never Sleeps
By Peter Quinn,
The mocha of the evening settled over the city like a frothy non-fat foamy whip. The jittery Jacks and Jills, fresh from the daily grind,
A Letter To The College Refund Department
By Tracy Sano,
Dear University Refund Department, I am writing to request a full refund for my college education. I have decided that I no longer wish to
Dead Soon
By Cindy Small,
Growing up in New Orleans, Louisiana, I was taught that I could count on Saint Anthony to help me find anything that had been lost
Buck Up, Buttercup
By Margaret Wheaton,
Not long ago my sister Mary and I were in the car with Little Margaret, my niece, headed to the mountains. Little Margaret asked, “Tell
Rebel Without A Car
By Trenton Dietz,
I have always been a “good guy.” I have always been safe, rule-following, responsible, and generally boring. And for the most part, I am ok
Release The Kraken Hors D'oeuvre
By Trenton Dietz,
Let me start out by saying, I am not one of these people that believes that a surfboard can unlock the mysteries of the universe.
Girl Scout Cookies Ain't What They Used To Be
By J.D. Griffith,
This is the last straw. I just heard they’ve downsized the boxes for several varieties of Girl Scout cookies and have even made one cookie
Mending Fences and Backyards
By J.D. Griffith,
I'd always been averse to fencing in my backyard until I came to “own” my pair of pointers, Sugar and Buster. I use the word
How To Watch Football
By Joel Habush,
“Hey, who the heck are you to tell me how to watch football? I’ve been doing it all my goldarn life.” First of all, step
Snarky Answers To Those Silly Job Interview Questions
By Kathy M.,
Have you ever been on a job interview where the interviewer has pulled out a whole bunch of required questions? Have you ever had to
Stones I Have Known
By Dan Montville,
I’m no stranger to pain, having had thirteen bone fractures in my life. But my bout with kidney stones a number of years ago ranks
3rd - 4th Quarter 2014 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Life In A Vacuous Vacuum
By Elizabeth Andrews,
January 2, 2016
Getting sucked in is fun. I love vacuuming! Everyone should be a housewife. Hmmm, so much to do. The day just flies by. I have
Inquiring Minds Want To Know
By Janice Arenofsky,
January 2, 2016
Hello. My name is Janice, and I’m the relative of a Bridge Addict. This is my story. I was fine until my sister got engaged
Holiday Card Horror Story
By Kathy Chene,
January 2, 2016
With the passage of another frightful Halloween comes what is truly the scariest, most dreaded, sleep-losing, event of the year…. the holiday greeting card season.
The Lake
By J.D. Griffith,
January 2, 2016
Whenever I feel like I need a good cry, I go into my home office and stare at my sailboat expense log. How long I
Getting My Money's Worth Out Of My OB-GYN
By Beth Markley,
January 2, 2016
I'm not a nervous talker, just a talker. As it happens, I’m also a talker who has a friend who once felt the need to
Love Can Be Crazy
By Carl Megill,
January 2, 2016
I had known Gail all of my life since her parents and my parents were long time friends. Everyone on both sides of our families
My Husband Is A Poor Winner!
By Victoria Milillo,
January 2, 2016
"Ha! I win again! In your face!" I lost yet another game of chess to my husband, Michael. This usually mild-mannered, gentle-giant of a man
Channeling Erma
By Kathy Passage,
January 2, 2016
I believe I channel Erma when I cook. I refer to Erma Bombeck, the American humorist whose columns include “Substitutions, A Piece of Cake”. Erma
Alone and Loaded... With Technology
By Leon Rybacki,
January 2, 2016
“The Incredible Hulk” television program started at 7 o’clock on Friday nights. I remember sitting with my brother eating our bowl of chips while we
The Workout
By Maxwell Strome,
January 2, 2016
I quickly scribbled a half-assed signature onto the sign-in sheet, my own deal with the devil. I walked up to the revolving metal contraption, trying
Dilemma
By Tamara White,
January 2, 2016
My antiquated mother would say that you can’t love two men, but I’m here to attest that you can and I did. My binge eating
My Husband The Fashionista
By Fiona Young-Brown,
January 2, 2016
I recently made a shocking discovery about my husband. Something that shook me to the core and has changed all my preconceived notions of him.
Down On The Hobby Farm
By Linda L. Zern,
January 2, 2016
The shadows of cranes, vultures, and eagles coast across the ground of our hobby farm, and at night the lonely cries of whippoorwills float through
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
Like to see your name in print? Love to rant and rave about your favorite topics? Channel that creative energy by entering our humor writing contests!
ENTER HUMORPRESS.COM'S HUMOR WRITING CONTEST!
Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM
- Entries should be 750 words or less.
- $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
- Winners, Finalists/Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions will be published online! Selections also may appear in optional print edition(s) with no book purchase required!
- Entry Fee is only $10, So Don't Miss Out. Enter Today!
- Multiple entries are allowed, including your columns previously published elsewhere. Each entry must include an entry fee.
- Book purchase is optional and is not required for entry.
(Get Book One! Get Book Two! Get Book Three!)