The rock band KISS have recently bought an Arena Football league team and named it after themselves: the LA Kiss. I did some research and found out they aren’t the only musicians getting into the sports ownership business.
Lady Gaga and members of the Goo Goo Dolls worked together to purchase a minor league soccer team based out of Washington State. The Walla Walla Ga Ga Goo Goos are playing in their first season but struggling.
Many fans are blaming their uniforms. The Gaga designed ensemble includes a loin cloth over a pair of metallic Speedos, blue and silver body paint in lieu of a shirt, cleats with six inch heals along with pinched toes, and atop their heads a cap with a 3 foot replica of the space needle. In a game last week star scorer A Ha Bwaa Ha Ha was racing to the ball for a shot on goal when he leaned too far forward. The weight of his cap pulled him down and the hat plunged into the ground, leaving A Ha upside down and screaming in his native tongue, “Please release me from my contract, I must go home.”
Boston bad boy Steven Tyler of the hard rock band Aerosmith purchased an independent league baseball team: The Plymouth Ak-Ak-Ak-Ows. Some of their promotional attempts to attract fans have had poor results though. A free ounce of marijuana to the first 100 ticket holders ended with 100 arrests by Plymouth police and “Lost in a Barbiturate Haze Night” sent 27 people to the local hospital.
On the field, the team took a cue from their owner by tying multi-colored scarves to the end of their bats while hitting and there is also 31% more crotch grabbing in an Ak-Ak-Ak-Ow game than in any other. A few of the team members have also changed their names in honor of their beloved owner. Playing first base is Mama Kin. In right field there is Dream On and behind the plate is catcher Train KeptARollin.
Pop songstress Taylor Swift bought the majority stake in a minor league basketball team, the Nashville Exes. The team started out strong, winning their first 8 games. Since then, however, Taylor has dated the entire starting five and an assistant coach, causing a lot of hurt feelings and bad publicity. “I knew something was wrong on our third date,” said point guard Web “The Comet” Jordan. “All during dinner I was telling her about my favorite movies and she was writing a song chorus rhyming comet with vomit.”
The team is currently riding a 13 game losing streak but Taylor has another number 1 CD with “Songs from Half Court”. Copies of the CD were given away to the first 15 fans to buy tickets to the last game of the season. The seven patrons who didn’t receive a free CD that night all said they were fine with that.
Canadian rockers Rush have become the owners of a minor league hockey team, the Yukon Fly-By-Nights. As lifelong fans of the sport, this was a dream come true for Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson. To help gain attendance the band wrote a team song that’s played before every game. The tune, titled “Epithet for a Dying Sport: Suite Bobby Orr, Opus 243 (Drop the Puck)” has caused consternation among fans however, as it is 23 minutes long with lyrics in three different languages as well as references to Tolkien’s The Silmarillion and ancient Indian myths. Hockey is never mentioned.
These are just a few of the examples I found. Others include Bruce Springsteen buying himself a professional dodge ball team, U2 owning a third tier tetherball franchise and rapper Flo Rida organizing a jai alai team called the Or Lando Playas. The list goes on and on thanks to the ingenuity of KISS.