"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
2nd Quarter 2013
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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2nd Quarter 2013 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
A Letter from the NRA
By David Margolis,
I am pleased to be writing the annual letter for the year 2020. As you know the last five years have been rather difficult for
Thank You Letters
By Kevin Udell,
There is one HUGE difference between the North and the South: thank you letters. Northerners don't write them, and Southerners write too many. I'm still
Perishable Puns
By Abby Heugel,
My Have a hunger for a new relationship? Then mustard up the strength to ketchup with other spicy singles you can meat in your area,
Company News Letter
By Lloyd S,
January 2, 2016
AGONY VALLEY STORES COMPANY NEWS LETTER CONGRATULATIONS. Ella Ellingham of the Hitchville store has won this month’s recipe contest with a prune dip. The winning
A Free Brain Fair
By Kevin Boekhoff,
I heard about a Free Brain Fair, so I drove down to the fairgrounds and encountered a huge area of display tables, much like a
2nd Quarter 2013 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Fatherly Advice
By Arthur Carey,
In the White House master bedroom, President Obama tosses in his sleep after a late night snack of pepperoni pizza and chocolate ice cream. Images
A Wedding
By Joel Habush,
I had heard some buzz about a possibly unusual upcoming wedding, so I decided to investigate for my paper—I’d made a specialty of covering out-of-the
My Book Tour de Force
By Joel Habush,
I’m pretty jazzed about my upcoming book tour. I’ve never had one before, but I’ve read lots of accounts of various authors’ book tours, so
The Artist Formerly Known
By Christopher Hivner,
"Artist Chablis Visits Local Farm" Stu Hazzard reporting for the Moon County News Nerds World-renowned painter Chablis was in Moon County yesterday at the farm
Piratocracy
By Mike McHugh,
Another Contraband Days festival has come and gone here in Lake Charles. The Buccaneers who seized the city for the duration have returned control to
Building a Rented Life
By Allen Smith,
This started out as a bad year. In less than 6 months, I lost my job, condominium, car and girlfriend. Even the cat packed up
The Annual Utah Deer Hunt
By David Woodside,
The annual Utah Deer Hunt, also known as Daddy’s New Bullet Hole Scar Shooting Contest, attracts deer for hundreds of miles. The prize goes to
2nd Quarter 2013 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Breaking News
By Abby Heugel,
I’m not really into the news. While I think it’s important to know what’s going on, I’m okay with just grazing the surface with minimal
The Battle for the Bathroom: This Mother's Last Stand
By Leigh Ann Northcutt,
Today, I am cleaning the bathrooms in my house. And, from a kneeling position with rubber-gloved hands raised in the air, I am once again
Singleton
By Sandra Rae,
Singleton, the status of being single, where true happiness is found within, or kiss a lot of frogs on your quest to find a prince."—
The Invisible Woman
By Lloyd S,
Invisible man stories have been around for centuries in folklore. As far as I know, the first invisible man book was written by H. G.
Your Estimated Wait Time Is: Forever
By David Woodside,
OVERCAST: Thank you for calling the Overcast Cable Network. Please enter the phone number associated with your…. ME: Customer Service OVERCAST: Ok! Did you want
Petting Old Goats
By Linda Zern,
At our local theme park there’s a children’s petting zoo. It’s crawling with goats. It’s one of our favorite places on earth, because it is
Weighty Situations
By Laverne H. Bardy,
I’m allergic to many foods. Soon after eating them I break out in fat. My husband can eat anything he wants and not gain an
Please Hang Up and Dial 9-1-1
By Bruce Campbell,,
Somewhere How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. -Annie Dillard My grandchildren will never know the sound of a
A Real Shlemeil
By Raymond Fitzgerald,
PRESTO THE GREAT was his stage name. His real name was Jetzel Putz. He was a king Midas in reverse. Everything he touched turned to
IT To The Rescue
By Samuel Golant,
Our IT team is the best. We never see them, but we know they are watching. It’s like having your own FBI. The other day
It's Raining Violets
By Joel Habush,
Well, that line from the song, “April Showers,” is a crock—it is “raining rain, you know.” Cold rain. Wet rain. Wisconsin rain. Many friends in
2nd Quarter 2013 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Fat Fight
By Mickey V.,
January 2, 2016
I start my mornings with a cup of coffee. When the caffeine kicks in, I do a 20- to 60-minute exercise video at least six
Open at Your Own Risk
By Laverne H. Bardy,
January 2, 2016
I am annoyed with an industry that, in an effort to keep us safe, leaped from reasonable to ridiculous. It started with the manufacturing of
Those Bargain Hounds
By Mary Berger,
January 2, 2016
It's close to six a.m., day of the big opening at Good Buy Charlie's. I'm standing in the crowd of sleepy-eyed, early morning shoppers. Such
Anything But Routine
By Christine Cimino,
January 2, 2016
I was 24 years old and working for a life insurance company that I have since realized has reestablished my belief in karma. It went
No One Should Not Wear Nothing
By Cy Creed,
January 2, 2016
People NEED skin. It keeps everything together. Without it, your organs would be hanging out and in danger of getting stepped on, zippered up or
You're in God's House Now - Try to Not Act Like Jackasses
By Jonathan Criswell,
January 2, 2016
If parenthood were a corporate America type of job, my wife and I would never earn a promotion. We do satisfactory work at most levels
Passing the Smell Test
By Neil Friesner,
January 2, 2016
While perusing the Sunday paper a week before Father’s Day, I came across a huge spread in a department store’s ad insert for men’s cologne,
Harold the Baby Sea Turtle's Bad Day
By Augusto Garay,
January 2, 2016
Despite the best efforts of the Peachtree pool neighborhood association board to write rules and follow county regulations... some anti-social behavior is simply beyond regulation.
A Dress of Another Color
By Marian Haber,
January 2, 2016
My favorite color is green. I have green eyes. So I purchase almost everything in green: clothes, towels, jewelry. Years ago I faithfully followed instructions
Golf Is Not My Game
By Elisabeth Malott,
January 2, 2016
As my friends talk and relive their golf experiences, my thoughts return to my experience,which would never take me back to any golf course. Although,
Time Flies When You're Having Disfunction
By Leigh Ann Northcutt,
January 2, 2016
My daughter, Tessa, and I made a trip to Walmart yesterday to gather supplies for her 12th birthday party. As we were leaving the store
Field Trip Mom
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
January 2, 2016
The end of the school year means one thing – besides backpacks sent home with crumpled spelling worksheets, artwork, pencil nubs and capless markers. I’m
A Boater's Lament
By Peter Quinn,
January 2, 2016
The two happiest day’s in a boater's life are the day he buys it and the day he sells it, as the saying goes. On
My Last Day of Work
By Teo Sanchez,
January 2, 2016
I wake up at 6:15. I hate my life. I’m 32 and work as a “quality assurance clerk” for the IRS through the local bank.
Guitar Lessons For Impressing Girls
By Jon Savitt,
January 2, 2016
So, you want to learn how to play guitar? Fortunately, you came to the right place. Usually when people approach me asking for lessons it
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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