"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
1st/2nd Quarter 2015
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
1st/2nd Quarter 2015 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
She's Dead, Jim
By Larry Ryals,
Little Maggie was my best friend. I sure will miss her. I was sure she would be safe in the toilet. It was just a
And Lo, Noah Asked, “Why Me, Lord?”
By John Blumenthal,
First of all, I wasn't 500 years old. They totally made that up. I was maybe 75, max, which – don't get me wrong –
Recycle That Cyber Waste
By Kevin T. Boekhoff,
Computers were supposed to make the world easier. But what about the cyber waste? The computer experts repeatedly emphasize that nothing is truly deleted on
Shrimp Knuckles
By Barry Parham,
January 2, 2016
(WARNING: May contain Nobel Prize spoilers) ~-~-~-~-~-~ Everybody loves a scientist. They create stuff we depend on, they generally pose no threat of stealing your
HMO: Help Me Out
By Elizabeth Preston,
I have entered the world of health insurance, and I am not happy. Having been on my dad's insurance plan since my zygote stage, the
1st/2nd Quarter 2015 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Living With A Yogi
By David Woodside,
The great baseball player and Hindu philosopher, Yogi Berra, is known for his whacky word ways. He's attributed with “It's deja vu all over again,”
Dear John
By Mike A.,
It wasn't a great start to the day. Stumbling to the latrine, still half asleep, I tripped over a rock and fell awkwardly into the
The Legalization of Motherhood
By Ashley Council,
Lawyers are such weirdos. Of course, it doesn't help when we answer the “So what do you do?” question at parties and our reply either
The Dead of Winter
By Benjamin Gohs,
No one seems to know exactly when the dead of winter is, but you can get a fair estimate by multiplying the number of icicles
The Black Serpent
By David Margolis,
I am a bacterium, and I live with my family in Dave's colon. We are round microscopic organisms from the Peptococcus species, and we reside
The Cellular Clinic: Serving the Millennial Generation and Saving Them from Total Self-Absorption
By Peter Quinn,
The cellular clinic opened four years ago with the introduction of the iDroidsung. Since then, we have treated millions for modern-day aliments, unique to a
1st/2nd Quarter 2015 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Miracle Emporium
By Kevin Boekhoff,
"Grrrrreat! My phone died." Herbert fussed. "So, recharge it," Madge advised from her side of the bed. "No, it's not dead, I mean its dead-dead."
Self-Helpless
By Benjamin Gohs,
I was going to lecture on the importance of hanging in there when it comes to self-improvement. Something my old mother calls “stick-to-itiveness.” Then I
What Color Is Your Password?
By J.D. Griffith,
I'm an analog guy living in a digital world; and without a doubt, my passwords – 55 dozen of them – are the bane of
How To Conversate
By Joel Habush,
Ever find yourself with people you don't know and who are sitting, standing, line dancing, or sky diving right next to you? There is usually
Who's Your Caddy?
By Peri Kinder,
On Sundays I watch golf with my husband. (Explanation: On Sundays, I sit by my husband and read a book while he watches golf. Every
Turd Mailer Site
By Richard L.,
Welcome to Turd Mailer your one stop shop for letting those not so special someones know just how you feel. Have a terrible boss, difficult
Adam and Eve
By Leon Rybacki,
I'm not happy! Marie and I are not bad people. We work all the time. We help others consistently. We give thanks and say our
A Bridge Too Far
By Ramona Scarborough,
I admit I'm afraid of most everything, snakes, spiders, ticks and Costco. I think about the stacked up merchandise falling down on my head during
Wrigley Field
By Lloyd S,
“Hey John, gotta minute?' “Sure Bill, what's up?” “Al and I got tickets for the home game against Milwaukee at Wrigley. Al's wife is sick
How To Prevent People From Copying You
By Nicole Sun,
What would you do if, hypothetically, you once drew an original cartoon character, a smirking onion with sunglasses and the hypothetical name of “Onionhead,” and
1st/2nd Quarter 2015 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Doggie Drag
By Cindy Small,
January 2, 2016
Queenzie, a famous New Orleans drag queen, felt like an elephant was sitting on his throat when his 20-year old Chihuahua named Cha Cha passed
The Doctor's Office
By Lloyd S,
January 2, 2016
Dr. Kroaker: Why are you here today Tony? Tony Balony: I have melloncoma. I got all the symptoms, read it all on the net. See
Joan's Diner
By Lloyd S,
January 2, 2016
The police were called to Joan's Diner at 1414 14TH Street last night at 6:47 pm for a disturbance. Responding were Sgt. Alton Brandon and
Where's Waldo's...Teeth?
By Ramona Scarborough,
January 2, 2016
Waldo Henley had the personality of a slug. He was humorless, puffed up with his own importance and often stuck both feet in his mouth
Purgatory Leads To Eternal Happiness
By Leon Rybacki,
January 2, 2016
About a week ago I was at a local establishment with my brother Lou. We were drinking a few cold... sodas, and eventually our conversation
I Have A Giant Giraffe in My Living Room!
By Louis Ribezzo,
January 2, 2016
I have a giant giraffe in my living room! I only wish it was real so I could open the door and set it free.
Summer Diary of an 11 Year Old Boy, Circa 1980
By Andrew Quinn,
January 2, 2016
Morning - Wake up, scratch my head, done combing hair. Get out of bed don't need to worry about clothes, have been wearing and sleeping
Church Diaries
By Kathy Minicozzi,
January 2, 2016
Sunday 8:00 AM. It's snowing. I think I'll skip Mass today. Skipping church on Sunday is a mortal sin, says Father McGarrity. I'll bet it's
The Slap Shot
By Daniel McGinley,
January 2, 2016
What I'm about to relate is all true but very hard to believe. My brother Steve was shocked when I reminded him of a story
A Blimmin Disaster
By Mike A.,
January 2, 2016
“It's a blimmin disaster,” said Grandpa as he looked dejectedly over his vegetable garden. I had come to stay at Grandma and Grandpa's run down
Middle-Aged Memory
By Angela L.,
January 2, 2016
The neurologist told me my brain was okay but had age-related atrophy. The news about my middle-aged shrunken brain blared at me like a trailer
A Foodie Fairytale
By Christopher Hivner,
January 2, 2016
Dilly Dan was a pickle man, selling his gherkins on the corner of 1st Avenue and 12th Street. His cart was in the shape of
Payback Is A Venus Fly Trap
By Jeff Gross,
January 2, 2016
It is still a mystery to me why I was assigned to the wrestling dorm my freshman year at college. My only experience with wrestling
On the IRS, Fuzzy Math, and Other Taxing Matters
By J.D. Griffith,
January 2, 2016
For many years my friend Rick, a CPA, handled my IRS affairs. Rick was a vanguard standing between the IRS and me. He actually made
Mr. Crawford and Salty Grits
By J.D. Griffith,
January 2, 2016
Having graduated from the University of Georgia with a geology degree in June 1980, I moved to Brownwood, Texas, and began working in the Southwestern
A Conversation With My Stomach
By Evan Goodjohn,
January 2, 2016
Recently, I had a conversation with my stomach. Here is part of that conversation. Stomach: “We need to talk.” Self: “About what?” Stomach: “About what
Keep Your Crayons in the Box
By Evelyn Aucoin,
January 2, 2016
A friend of mine made a brilliant post on Facebook during the midst of one of the recently racially infused news headlines. He said: "We
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
Like to see your name in print? Love to rant and rave about your favorite topics? Channel that creative energy by entering our humor writing contests!
ENTER HUMORPRESS.COM'S HUMOR WRITING CONTEST!
Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM
- Entries should be 750 words or less.
- $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
- Winners, Finalists/Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions will be published online! Selections also may appear in optional print edition(s) with no book purchase required!
- Entry Fee is only $10, So Don't Miss Out. Enter Today!
- Multiple entries are allowed, including your columns previously published elsewhere. Each entry must include an entry fee.
- Book purchase is optional and is not required for entry.
(Get Book One! Get Book Two! Get Book Three!)